A series of updates (#2)
I still feel anxious all the time. It doesn't seem like there is anything I can do about it. My chest always feels tight and every little spasm or palpitation makes me freak out. The pills aren't really helping except with the cessation of smoking. Which is nice. I can make myself feel not anxious by drinking. But every time I drink I feel sick and have trouble sleeping and I seem to have bad dreams. Maybe the bad dreams are a coincidence. Why can't I just flash back to like 4 months ago when I was feeling fine? Why isn't there another pill I can take to make this shit stop? Can I just get a lobotomy? I feel suffocated and trapped. I feel like ever since I had my first big panic attack, I am just fearful of having another one, which adds to my anxiety. It's a vicious cycle. On the plus side, I'm getting used to the pills. I don't see a point in going out anymore. Not that I need alcohol to have a good time, but I kind of do.