Episode 79: An Ongoing Battle
Dear Sega,
How much longer do your fans have to cry in vain before you just make a Sonic game where you RUN, and occasionally jump and destroy robots? You just don't get it. Assemble the best of the characters, give them their little attributes, and let them loose on a variety of challenging, original, high-speed, beautiful 3-D courses, while listening to a quality soundtrack. Congratulations, you've made the best Sonic game of all time, and you didn't even really have to think of anything except map design, and perhaps a plot. No, nobody wants to play as Robotnik. Nobody wants to play as your voluptuous batwoman, or your useless, obese cat. "My favorite part of Sonic Adventure was FISHING FOR FROGGY AS BIG THE CAT!" You are idiots. The only people who are capable of making that statement are either 5 years old (and haven't played the rest of the game), or they are mentally handicapped.
Let me spell this out for you: You are killing Sonic the Hedgehog. Your games, as you try to get more and more "original," have only become worse and worse. All we fans want is to return to what we loved Sonic for, in a 3-D world. Instead, your half-baked marketing squad decides that variety sells and that you need to waste 2/3rds of the gameplay time with pathetic modes of play (such as knuckle's scavenger hunt or robot combat mode) that barely pass as minigames in terms of depth and fun factor. Do you honestly believe anyone buys the Sonic series to beat up uninspired robots with Amy or E-102? HELL no. They buy it to zoom through forests, cities, highways, air fortresses, through loops and onto springs and accelerators, ride rockets, running from whales and giant boulders and trucks while plowing through the occasional robot as their favorite hedgehog, or perhaps some other nearly-as-speedy character of their preference.
Anyway, just a suggestion. If you guys wanna keep down this road though, I'd suggest changing your mascot into something more honest, like a pile of turd.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Mr. Kneisel,
Thank you for e-mailing Sega Technical Support.
We are very sorry, but Sega does not accept submissions of original concepts or artwork for new games, or any ideas for enhancing or developing current Sega titles. We suggest you take computer classes and take a shot at designing it yourself. You can then enter it in the Independent Game Festival (every February in San Jose, California) or target a small production house and pitch your idea.
Sincerely,
-Sandi
Sega of America Technical Support
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Sandi (or really, whoever this goes to, if anyone),
Of course Sega doesn't listen to its fans. That's exactly why Sega is ruining the Sonic series. I'm confident that Sega headquarters is buried somewhere deep in a cave, surrounded by a vacuum, far beneath the surface of Mars, since there's no way any company could possibly take this long to realize how horribly they're screwing up. And no, I'm not going to change my life goals and spend months working on some kind of project created to correct *your* company's pathetic failures, but thank you for the absurd suggestion. Believe it or not I don't need a gaming degree or knowledge of C++ coding to know what you're doing wrong, and neither do the rest of your fans. Maybe you should check any one of your various forums, located on this miraculous thing called the "Internet." There you will find thousands of others saying exactly what I've been saying all along.
By the way, they already made a game similar to what I was talking about. It was called "Running Wild," it came out many years ago for the PS1, and it did terribly. Why? Because only Sonic the Hedgehog can get away with a game based on friggin' FOOTRACING. There's no other way to do it.
In the end this e-mail won't mean anything, Sandi, but at least I get the pleasure of voicing my displeasure to some small part of your poor, deluded team.
Much love,
Chris
How much longer do your fans have to cry in vain before you just make a Sonic game where you RUN, and occasionally jump and destroy robots? You just don't get it. Assemble the best of the characters, give them their little attributes, and let them loose on a variety of challenging, original, high-speed, beautiful 3-D courses, while listening to a quality soundtrack. Congratulations, you've made the best Sonic game of all time, and you didn't even really have to think of anything except map design, and perhaps a plot. No, nobody wants to play as Robotnik. Nobody wants to play as your voluptuous batwoman, or your useless, obese cat. "My favorite part of Sonic Adventure was FISHING FOR FROGGY AS BIG THE CAT!" You are idiots. The only people who are capable of making that statement are either 5 years old (and haven't played the rest of the game), or they are mentally handicapped.
Let me spell this out for you: You are killing Sonic the Hedgehog. Your games, as you try to get more and more "original," have only become worse and worse. All we fans want is to return to what we loved Sonic for, in a 3-D world. Instead, your half-baked marketing squad decides that variety sells and that you need to waste 2/3rds of the gameplay time with pathetic modes of play (such as knuckle's scavenger hunt or robot combat mode) that barely pass as minigames in terms of depth and fun factor. Do you honestly believe anyone buys the Sonic series to beat up uninspired robots with Amy or E-102? HELL no. They buy it to zoom through forests, cities, highways, air fortresses, through loops and onto springs and accelerators, ride rockets, running from whales and giant boulders and trucks while plowing through the occasional robot as their favorite hedgehog, or perhaps some other nearly-as-speedy character of their preference.
Anyway, just a suggestion. If you guys wanna keep down this road though, I'd suggest changing your mascot into something more honest, like a pile of turd.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Mr. Kneisel,
Thank you for e-mailing Sega Technical Support.
We are very sorry, but Sega does not accept submissions of original concepts or artwork for new games, or any ideas for enhancing or developing current Sega titles. We suggest you take computer classes and take a shot at designing it yourself. You can then enter it in the Independent Game Festival (every February in San Jose, California) or target a small production house and pitch your idea.
Sincerely,
-Sandi
Sega of America Technical Support
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Sandi (or really, whoever this goes to, if anyone),
Of course Sega doesn't listen to its fans. That's exactly why Sega is ruining the Sonic series. I'm confident that Sega headquarters is buried somewhere deep in a cave, surrounded by a vacuum, far beneath the surface of Mars, since there's no way any company could possibly take this long to realize how horribly they're screwing up. And no, I'm not going to change my life goals and spend months working on some kind of project created to correct *your* company's pathetic failures, but thank you for the absurd suggestion. Believe it or not I don't need a gaming degree or knowledge of C++ coding to know what you're doing wrong, and neither do the rest of your fans. Maybe you should check any one of your various forums, located on this miraculous thing called the "Internet." There you will find thousands of others saying exactly what I've been saying all along.
By the way, they already made a game similar to what I was talking about. It was called "Running Wild," it came out many years ago for the PS1, and it did terribly. Why? Because only Sonic the Hedgehog can get away with a game based on friggin' FOOTRACING. There's no other way to do it.
In the end this e-mail won't mean anything, Sandi, but at least I get the pleasure of voicing my displeasure to some small part of your poor, deluded team.
Much love,
Chris