(no subject)
... The sequence was up-ended; it only added to my fervor. The hospital had decided to do an HIV test only after finding the sole housing option required contagion. So, they pulled the blood and I waited -- for two-and-a-half days, I was left alone with the idea that at this moment, in this God's universe, by this God's doing -- it was better to be HIV-positive, to be doomed.
The test came up negative. I plied my case worker for more details on the housing in question -- a transgender-only commune for the walking dead, all expenses paid -- and then went back to my cot, to figure out how to contract HIV with the least hassle.
I was honest, too, God was I honest. It was that, it was confluence, it was an idea ripped out of my bargaining with Heaven -- to have given enough, and to be taken care of forever-after because of it. It was something I earnestly had dreamed of and begged for.
The motions, though ... to be so self-damning ...
My case worker didn't return on Monday; she was out for vacation. Her fill-in found an 'emergency shelter' in New York City, printed out the details, and I was discharged. ...
The test came up negative. I plied my case worker for more details on the housing in question -- a transgender-only commune for the walking dead, all expenses paid -- and then went back to my cot, to figure out how to contract HIV with the least hassle.
I was honest, too, God was I honest. It was that, it was confluence, it was an idea ripped out of my bargaining with Heaven -- to have given enough, and to be taken care of forever-after because of it. It was something I earnestly had dreamed of and begged for.
The motions, though ... to be so self-damning ...
My case worker didn't return on Monday; she was out for vacation. Her fill-in found an 'emergency shelter' in New York City, printed out the details, and I was discharged. ...