This is all BULL.
All is bull, including this journal. But, as I am confident there is no chance that anyone would be invading my privacy anytime soon, and considering that I have no other means to communicate to anyone, I'll vent here.
I've landed on this god-forsaken island which evidently is the very island that Sora lived on before. What is more disconcerting is that Roxas is part of Sora, or the other way around, whichever you fancy it; my obsession lived on this island! This is not only exciting but it is also horrifying. I'm not sure how to feel about the island in general. Well, islands, as I've discovered; there are various connected portions of land here and there.
I inquired around the mainland and found a place where I can earn some savings. Bluntly put, these won't be savings, but they will save me. They will be enough to get me a decent place to stay, while the island will be my peace-of-mind, or a hideout. I feel like an infant speaking about these sort of things, but again, I'm "confident there is no chance that anyone would be invading my privacy anytime soon". If nothing else, I can burn this contraption and no one will ever know it existed.
But that aside, something weird happened. A little kid approached me after I looked into a job. He said his parents had died recently and that his guardian was moving out. He didn't have anyone to help him, and he needed help. Now normally I'm not so sympathetic to these situations, but this kid didn't look very old and he definitely didn't look like he was lying. You don't dress like a hobo when you're lying about these things, normally, I suppose. Then again, people normally don't approach me for help. Anyways, I allowed him to guide me to his apartment a ways off (and believe me, it was a long walk). Child or not, I asked him what he had to offer me.
So we struck a deal. He explained that his guardian was still going to pay the rent and schooling tuition, but that was all he was doing until the kid was old enough to support himself. That sounded odd to me, but later on when I investigated this information on my own, it proved to be true. The kid went on to say that considering that limited income, if I would put food on the table and protect him from bullies, then he would let me stay there and that he wouldn't charge me any rent or harass me (or even go through my stuff). He would grant me a private place - my own room - that was in the back of the apartment, where I wouldn't be disturbed unless he felt the need to come in and bug me. He could do errands for me if I helped him with homework (I considered this hesitantly as I don't recall any schooling of my own, but having a local, even a kid, willing and able to do my stuff was appealing). Finally, if he brought any friends over, I had to put up with them; in return he would acquire some music for me (he had discovered I found interest in his CD collection said guardian had left behind).
We had an agreement. I agreed to stay at the kid's apartment for basically no fee, get myself a job, buy myself food and share it when necessary, and have a little slave boy. It was better than trying to find my own place to stay, having to suffer through boring conversation and paperwork, and risk meeting any potential threats.
I also found that the kid had a computer. It wasn't the kind that I'd seen going through the masion basement a while ago. That seems so long... But, it seemed more compact. He called it a laptop. It was portable, but it did virtually the same thing, so I call it a computer. On it, he introduced me to this journal, to "e-mail", and to "IM". I'm completely unfamiliar with all of this, and I don't care ,but he called it invaluable information (well, the "internet", which all of this is on...). I like information, so I'll keep it in handy.
Moving on, secondly: I actually caught sight of Roxas Sora. No, he's not Roxas anymore. The Roxas I know was long gone a long time ago, before I myself died. On that note, I'm not exactly sure how I'm here. Naturally I didn't give it much thought intially as, since I'm here, I'm here; but as a day or so went by and I found myself with lack of anything else to do, I got to thinking. I'm unnerved as to why I exist. I don't feel like I actually exist, but that could be my imagination toying with me because I've been so used to not having a heart. Just like you hear from people that when you get used to something, it's almost impossible to forget what it's like, or being uncomfortable or almost unable to live without it. Like a prisoner who escapes after years, or a person who beats an illness after half their life is gone, or someone who's been abused or addicted to something for some time. It's hard to fight off those sort of feelings. I would know. I'm dealing with several of them myself. What sort of feelings... I don't feel at ease enough to put it here.
Maybe I don't trust the journal. I don't trust anyone or anything (for the exception of Kumitachi and Kumisen, my chakrams, and that's an odd thing to put faith and trust in) anymore. Maybe it's the kid. He knows how to manipulate the computer better than I do. Maybe I haven't come to terms with this yet.
Either way, I'm going to have to get used to life on this island for a while. I don't know where I am. If I'm correct with the information I had gathered before dying (what a strange thing to say), the worlds might not be connected anymore. If they are, well, I wouldn't know; I'm not going to waste my time "sailing off on a raft" to see other worlds. What happens if I reach the end of the water? Do I just bump into a void and die, or get repelled back into the island waters? Do I go around and around? It's not something I feel like I want to think about. If I'm stuck here, I'll make do with what I have. If I have to be stuck here, I'm going to succeed at being stuck here and succeed at being well-off. Screw poverty. Screw the kid, really; it just makes my time easier.
I'm supposed to gain a job at a butcher's shop somewhere downtown. I don't remember where it is, but I'll find it again. Once I get a job there, I'll start making money, and hopefully I can pick up someone to get me laid. It's been a while.
I miss the people I used to be with... literally. I miss Roxas and I miss Demyx especially. If I'm here, does that mean they're here? I'm not ready to face the answers to this yet, but hopefully I'll be able to hold my own if I meet either one of them face to face. Probably wouldn't happen with Roxas - now Sora, maybe - but still. I suppose this applies to the rest of the Organization (are we even an Organization anymore? who knows, after what's happened; I'm supposed to be dead, and I'm not - are they in the same position?) Even as much as I hated her, if I saw Larxene, I'd probably piss myself in shock. It's hard to let people go after you've been with them a while. I guess, even if you hate them, you don't forget them.
I'm tired and I'm lazy. I don't want to think anymore. I'm going to go sleep and then hunt down the location of that butcher's shop. Maybe he'll let me use the knives right off. Heh.
I've landed on this god-forsaken island which evidently is the very island that Sora lived on before. What is more disconcerting is that Roxas is part of Sora, or the other way around, whichever you fancy it; my obsession lived on this island! This is not only exciting but it is also horrifying. I'm not sure how to feel about the island in general. Well, islands, as I've discovered; there are various connected portions of land here and there.
I inquired around the mainland and found a place where I can earn some savings. Bluntly put, these won't be savings, but they will save me. They will be enough to get me a decent place to stay, while the island will be my peace-of-mind, or a hideout. I feel like an infant speaking about these sort of things, but again, I'm "confident there is no chance that anyone would be invading my privacy anytime soon". If nothing else, I can burn this contraption and no one will ever know it existed.
But that aside, something weird happened. A little kid approached me after I looked into a job. He said his parents had died recently and that his guardian was moving out. He didn't have anyone to help him, and he needed help. Now normally I'm not so sympathetic to these situations, but this kid didn't look very old and he definitely didn't look like he was lying. You don't dress like a hobo when you're lying about these things, normally, I suppose. Then again, people normally don't approach me for help. Anyways, I allowed him to guide me to his apartment a ways off (and believe me, it was a long walk). Child or not, I asked him what he had to offer me.
So we struck a deal. He explained that his guardian was still going to pay the rent and schooling tuition, but that was all he was doing until the kid was old enough to support himself. That sounded odd to me, but later on when I investigated this information on my own, it proved to be true. The kid went on to say that considering that limited income, if I would put food on the table and protect him from bullies, then he would let me stay there and that he wouldn't charge me any rent or harass me (or even go through my stuff). He would grant me a private place - my own room - that was in the back of the apartment, where I wouldn't be disturbed unless he felt the need to come in and bug me. He could do errands for me if I helped him with homework (I considered this hesitantly as I don't recall any schooling of my own, but having a local, even a kid, willing and able to do my stuff was appealing). Finally, if he brought any friends over, I had to put up with them; in return he would acquire some music for me (he had discovered I found interest in his CD collection said guardian had left behind).
We had an agreement. I agreed to stay at the kid's apartment for basically no fee, get myself a job, buy myself food and share it when necessary, and have a little slave boy. It was better than trying to find my own place to stay, having to suffer through boring conversation and paperwork, and risk meeting any potential threats.
I also found that the kid had a computer. It wasn't the kind that I'd seen going through the masion basement a while ago. That seems so long... But, it seemed more compact. He called it a laptop. It was portable, but it did virtually the same thing, so I call it a computer. On it, he introduced me to this journal, to "e-mail", and to "IM". I'm completely unfamiliar with all of this, and I don't care ,but he called it invaluable information (well, the "internet", which all of this is on...). I like information, so I'll keep it in handy.
Moving on, secondly: I actually caught sight of Roxas Sora. No, he's not Roxas anymore. The Roxas I know was long gone a long time ago, before I myself died. On that note, I'm not exactly sure how I'm here. Naturally I didn't give it much thought intially as, since I'm here, I'm here; but as a day or so went by and I found myself with lack of anything else to do, I got to thinking. I'm unnerved as to why I exist. I don't feel like I actually exist, but that could be my imagination toying with me because I've been so used to not having a heart. Just like you hear from people that when you get used to something, it's almost impossible to forget what it's like, or being uncomfortable or almost unable to live without it. Like a prisoner who escapes after years, or a person who beats an illness after half their life is gone, or someone who's been abused or addicted to something for some time. It's hard to fight off those sort of feelings. I would know. I'm dealing with several of them myself. What sort of feelings... I don't feel at ease enough to put it here.
Maybe I don't trust the journal. I don't trust anyone or anything (for the exception of Kumitachi and Kumisen, my chakrams, and that's an odd thing to put faith and trust in) anymore. Maybe it's the kid. He knows how to manipulate the computer better than I do. Maybe I haven't come to terms with this yet.
Either way, I'm going to have to get used to life on this island for a while. I don't know where I am. If I'm correct with the information I had gathered before dying (what a strange thing to say), the worlds might not be connected anymore. If they are, well, I wouldn't know; I'm not going to waste my time "sailing off on a raft" to see other worlds. What happens if I reach the end of the water? Do I just bump into a void and die, or get repelled back into the island waters? Do I go around and around? It's not something I feel like I want to think about. If I'm stuck here, I'll make do with what I have. If I have to be stuck here, I'm going to succeed at being stuck here and succeed at being well-off. Screw poverty. Screw the kid, really; it just makes my time easier.
I'm supposed to gain a job at a butcher's shop somewhere downtown. I don't remember where it is, but I'll find it again. Once I get a job there, I'll start making money, and hopefully I can pick up someone to get me laid. It's been a while.
I miss the people I used to be with... literally. I miss Roxas and I miss Demyx especially. If I'm here, does that mean they're here? I'm not ready to face the answers to this yet, but hopefully I'll be able to hold my own if I meet either one of them face to face. Probably wouldn't happen with Roxas - now Sora, maybe - but still. I suppose this applies to the rest of the Organization (are we even an Organization anymore? who knows, after what's happened; I'm supposed to be dead, and I'm not - are they in the same position?) Even as much as I hated her, if I saw Larxene, I'd probably piss myself in shock. It's hard to let people go after you've been with them a while. I guess, even if you hate them, you don't forget them.
I'm tired and I'm lazy. I don't want to think anymore. I'm going to go sleep and then hunt down the location of that butcher's shop. Maybe he'll let me use the knives right off. Heh.