流星は星の涙
Title: 流星は星の涙
Title (romaji/English): Ryuusei wa Hoshi no Namida/Falling stars are the stars’ tears
Pairing: TakkiPi
Genre: Romance
Rating: G
Disclaimer: People can't own other people. Well, except for Johnny Kitagawa-san...
Summary: Pi is a young, confused adolescent. Takki’s not less young or less confused but for Pi’s sake he has to be an adult.
A/N: English's not my mother language.
流星は星の涙
When Takki gets a message from Yamapi at 10.30 in the evening asking him if he’s home, he simply thinks his kouhai is bored and wants to talk with him like many other times. He doesn’t expect to see him at his door ten minutes later.
“What are you doing here?” he asks in bewilderment.
The younger boy doesn’t reply, just steps inside and hugs him. It’s the end of July and it’s hot but Yamapi is shaking. Worried, Takki holds him tight and accompanies him into the living room, making him sit on the couch. Then he notices they boy’s red eyes he didn’t see in the semidarkness of the hall.
“Have you cried?” Takki asks, taking the other’s face between his hands.
Yamapi nods lightly. Takki doesn’t ask why, he simply hugs him again. The boy’s arms are immediately around his waist and soon tears are wetting his shirt. Takizawa pats the other’s head and whispers comforting words to him.
“He came back.” Yamapi says after some minutes, raising his head and still sobbing.
Takki waits for him to continue.
“I heard the doorbell ring and I went to open the door and he was there. My father. He was there after ten years. He left me, my sister and my mother without saying a word and now he’s at home again. And my mother and sister are happy!” he looks at Takki like the latter has the answers he needs “Why are they happy? My sister doesn’t even remember him! She doesn’t know him. And he made my mother suffer. She loved him but he abandoned her and she had to struggle to maintain me and Rina. Why would you forgive such a person?!”
Takizawa holds him tighter, feeling all the sadness and the disappointment of the other boy.
“Why? WHY?!” Pi asks again, raising his voice.
Takki is taken aback. The younger boy never raises his voice at him; he seldom does even with his friends. Takki’s surprised by this reaction.
But more than that, Takki doesn’t know what to do. He can continue holding Pi tightly into his arms but he doesn’t know what to say. He can’t imagine what the other feels and he’s not able to find a reason for his mother and sister’s behavior. He feels helpless. And he can’t stand it.
He’s Yamapi’s favorite senpai. The younger boy has been looking up to him since before he entered the Jimusho. Pi said he sees him as a hero, somewhat even as a father. And Takki loves him, as a brother and as a “son”. He’s always tried to be there when Pi needed him. The latter’s not simply a kouhai to him. They’ve spent so much time together that Takki kind of considers him his own property. That’s why he named him Yamapi. He’s sure with this name the insecure boy who now his only fifteen will become famous all over Japan. But somehow he will always remain Takki’s. It may seem egoistic, Takki’s aware of that, but he can’t help it. And anyway it’s all out of love.
Takizawa has always helped Pi when he needed him. But this is the first time he really doesn’t know what to do. It’s also the first time Pi has come to him for such a serious matter. Takki always feels satisfied and mighty when he sees the boy’s happy face after helping him. He makes him feel like he’s a proper adult, able to face problems and solve them. But Takki’s only eighteen and now he realizes he’s not so much of an adult. Maybe he can help Pi remember dance steps or raise his popularity but now it’s not about work. It’s about family and feelings and painful situations that will probably accompany Yamapi throughout his life. And what is Takki supposed to do about that?
He notices Yamapi’s still looking at him. He can do nothing but stare back and soon the other lowers his head, in his eyes a hint of disappointment. And Takki feels like he’s letting him down as his father did. And he doesn’t want this. He grabs Yamapi’s shoulders and makes him raise his head again.
“Listen.” he starts, looking at the other straight into the eyes “I’m sorry I’m not living up to your expectations. You came to me for help and I can do nothing but hug you. I’m not the adult senpai you need.” his voice trembles “I don’t know why your mother and sister behave like that. I only know that people can forgive anything if they desperately want something. Rina-chan had not seen her dad since she was a baby. And for a little girl this is difficult. She’s almost an adolescent, she feels she needs a dad. And your mother probably feels lonely. She’s the single mother of two children. Sometimes she may feel like there’s too much weight on her shoulders.”
Takki stops and Yamapi looks at him. His tears stopped and his expression clearly says he didn’t think about all the things his senpai said. He thinks they’re probably true. But he’s still confused.
“I don’t understand.” he confesses “Why do you need a person like that? If someone betrays you like he did, why can’t you simply forget?”
“Humans’ feelings are not so simple.”
“But why? Why does my mum want to live with someone like him? Isn’t she afraid he’ll leave again? Can she trust him again? And my sister? Can she consider her dad someone she hasn’t seen since she was two?”
Takki pats Yamapi’s head.
“I think they’re confused too. But maybe they want to trust him again.”
“How can they? I could never trust him! He destroyed my childhood! Do my mother and Rina think I didn’t miss him? Mum scolded me when I didn’t greet him but how can I smile at someone who abandoned me? I cannot trust him now. He didn’t even apologize!”
Tears are streaming down the boy’s face again and Takizawa raises his hand to dry them.
“Hey, don’t cry. I’m sure your mother knows how you feel and she doesn’t expect you to accept all this at once.”
“I can’t accept this now and I won’t accept it in the future either. If that man is going to live at home again, I’m leaving!”
“Don’t say that!” Takki scolds him. Yamapi seems so resolute it makes the older boy worried. “Where would you go?”
“Here” is the simple answer.
“Don’t be silly.” Takki smiles.
“I’m not. Why can’t I live here? Once you said you’d spent all the day with me if you could, didn’t you? If I lived here we’d always be together. Wouldn’t that be great?”
“It would. I’d be happy to stay with you all day but we can’t. You’re only fifteen. You’re underage. And you need to stay with your family. You’ll regret it if you don’t spend with them as much time as you can. Just look at me. I’m only eighteen and I already have to live away from my parents because of work.”
Yamapi lowers his head.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing now?” Takki smiles and ruffles the other’s hair “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“Am I being an egoist?” Pi asks.
“No, of course not. Any other boy would be as confused as you.”
A glimpse of anger passed through Yamapi’s eyes.
“Why am I just a boy? If I were an adult, I’d know what to do! If I were stronger, I could face my father.”
But Takki shakes his head, grabs Pi’s arms and holds his hands between his own.
“This has nothing to do with being strong! You’re fifteen. You don’t need to rush and grow up. These should be the best years of your life! Life’s made also of difficulties and this situation is one of them. But being an adult doesn’t mean you don’t suffer.”
“I wish I were as mature as you…”
The older boy shakes his head again.
“I’m not mature. I wouldn’t know what to do if I were in your place. I can’t even help you.”
“No, that’s not true.” now is Yamapi’s turn to shake his head “You always help me. You always correct me when I’m wrong. That’s what you did just some minutes ago.” he looks at the other’s eyes and smiles “Takizawa-kun is my hero.”
Takki doesn’t know what to reply. So he just hugs him tight. And Pi rests his head against his chest.
“Takki…” he whispers after a bit “Can I stay here tonight?”
The other smiles.
“Sure.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime. How about we go to bed now?”
“No, let’s stay like this for a bit more. Please.” the younger boy pleads, snuggling up against Takki’s chest and hugging him tightly.
“Ok.”
“Pi! Come brush your teeth!” Takki says from the bathroom.
There is no answer. Standing on the bathroom door, Takki looks inside the bedroom.
“Pi? Where did you go?”
Then he notices that the window is open. He moves towards it and sees Pi standing on the balcony, leaning against the handrail, with his back facing Takki.
“Pi?” he whispers, approaching him.
Pi doesn’t turn to him until Takki’s standing next to him.
“What are you doing out here?”
“Looking at the stars.” Yamapi smiles at him and turns again to look at the night sky.
Takki looks too. Tonight you can actually see some stars. A rare event in a city like this, he thinks.
They stand next to each other for a while, neither of them saying anything. Then Pi suddenly shouts.
“Ah!”
Takki turns to him, worried, but the other’s smiling and pointing at the sky.
“A falling star!” he exclaims.
Takki looks the way Pi’s finger is indicating but of course he can’t see the falling star anymore. He smiles anyway, looking at Pi. The younger one has his eyes closed and the palms of his hands united in front of his face, a concentrated expression on his face. Takki wonders what he’s wishing for.
“Did you make a good wish?” he asks when Pi opens his eyes and lowers his hands.
“Yes.” he smiles at the older one “But I’m not telling you.”
Takki pouts jokingly and Pi sticks out his tongue.
“It wouldn’t become true if I did.”
The other laughs and ruffles his hair.
“I’m sure your wish will become true.”
Pi smiles, moves closer and leans his back against Takki’s chest.
For some minutes there’s silence again but they don’t mind.
“You know,” Pi speaks up after a while “doesn’t it look like the sky is crying?”
“What?” Takki asks, not understanding the question.
“When you see a shooting star. Doesn’t it seem like a tear? I feel like the sky is crying because a piece of it is falling.”
Takki smiles bitterly and leans his chin on Pi’s head.
“Isn’t that a bit sad?”
Pi waits a bit before answering.
“Maybe.” he says “But somehow it’s fascinating. Who knows? Maybe the sky has feeling too.”
“Yes, it’s fascinating.” he grabs Pi’s shoulders to turn him and smiles “But how about we go to bed now?” he adds.
Pi sighs but nods, taking Takki’s hand and following him inside.
“Takki?” Pi whispers “Are you sleeping?”
Takki turns side to face him, even though he can’t see him very well in the semi-darkness of the bedroom.
“I’m not.” he answers “Why? Is something wrong? Can’t sleep?”
Pi nods. The feeble light coming from the window illuminates his face and makes his eyes shine and Takki finds himself thinking about how beautiful the younger boy is.
“Something like that.” Yamapi says “I was thinking.”
“About what?”
The boy remains silent for a bit.
“What do you think of me?” he finally asks in a whisper.
Takki gives him a confused look but Pi doesn’t see it.
“What do you mean?”
“What I said. What do you think of me?”
“You… I… You’re my kouhai. You’re my friend. I think you’re a talented young boy. You’re caring and kind and smart and-”
“That’s not it.” the younger one interrupts him, voice a bit louder than before “That’s not what I mean at all.”
“I don’t understand.” Takki says sincerely.
As a response, Pi moves closer until he’s almost lying on top of his senpai.
“Pi? What are you doing?!”
The boy smiles.
“Then? What do you think of me? What am I to you?”
“Haven’t I already answered? You’re my kouhai and my friend. A precious friend.”
“That’s all? Am I just a friend to you?”
Takki doesn’t reply immediately. This situation is dangerous and he has to think of the perfect answer. An answer that won’t reveal his real feelings but won’t be a lie either. But he doesn’t have one.
“I really don’t get you. What am I supposed to say?” he replies.
Pi snorts.
“Do you think of me as a child?”
“No, I don’t. As I said, you’re a young boy who-”
“A boy. That’s the same as saying I’m still a child!” Pi snorts again.
“But technically you are! I am too! We’re still teenagers! What’s wrong with that?”
“I don’t want to be a teenager! I want to be an adult! I want to show people I can look after myself and do things on my own and take decisions by myself. I want to be an adult to protect my mother and sister so they won’t need that traitor. I want to be an adult to tell my father to leave our house and never come back. I want to be an adult so I can tell you I like you.”
Takki opens his eyes wide and looks at Pi, his mouth open because of the surprise. Yamapi takes the chance to close the distance between them and soon his lips are resting on Takki’s. He doesn’t move though, like he doesn’t know what to do. Takki feels the softness of the boy’s lips and feels the urge to deepen the contact, pass his arms around Pi’s small frame, pull him close and kiss him properly. But he reminds himself Pi’s young and inexperienced, he’s going through a difficult situation and he’s his kouhai. Takki’s supposed to guide him, help him make the right decisions and correct him when he’s wrong. And it doesn’t matter if this means he has to hide his own feelings and fight against them.
So he gently pushes Pi away, making his lie on the bed again. His heart hurts when he younger one gives him a hurt look, his eyes almost teary.
“Why?” Yamapi whispers “Don’t you like me? Am I not good enough? I can be better. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, I’ll become whatever you want me to become. Please, please tell me…”
Takki hugs him, tightly between his arms like it’s a matter of life and death, like he could express with the warmth of his embrace all the things he can’t say with his tongue.
“Please…” Pi whispers again.
And Takizawa holds him even closer, kissing his head.
“You don’t need to do anything. You’re perfect just as you are. There’s nothing I’d change about you. Not even a single thing.”
“But you don’t want me. You pushed me away. Why won’t you let me be close to you-?”
“Shh, don’t say that. We can’t. I can’t. This whole thing can’t be. I’m your senpai. I’m here for you whenever you need, now and forever. But I can’t be more than that.”
“But why? What’s wrong with it? Am I asking for something so horrible?”
“It’s not horrible. It’s not horrible at all. It makes me so happy, knowing you feel like that about me. But life doesn’t always go the way we think it should.”
“Why?” Pi asks again.
Takki doesn’t reply. Both because he doesn’t really have an answer and because he doesn’t want to answer. He can’t tell Pi how much he cares for him, he can’t tell him they will solve everything together. Not this time. Pi doesn’t know how cruel the world can be, how strict they agency is. He doesn’t know how angry Johnny can get or what he can do to make things go the way he wants. Johnny always gets what he wants. And if you want to be someone, you’d better follow what he says. Because he can lift you to the top in a moment and throw you to the bottom of the bottom just as quickly. Takizawa loves Pi and he wants to see him happy and successful. He won’t be either if Takki gives in to his feelings. Takki knows Pi can be someone and he will help him chase his destiny. Even though Pi may get angry and feel betrayed. He will always support him, even though he may leave the Juniors soon. And maybe, Takki hopes, when they have become successful adults they will also be free to listen to their own hearts.
Yamapi sniffles and Takki interrupts his thoughts. He grabs the other’s shoulders.
“Listen, listen carefully to me. You’re perfect just as you are. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re probably the more talented boy I’ve ever seen and you’ll definitely become someone. You just have to believe in yourself. Never let anyone say you’re not good enough. Never let anyone say you can’t do it. You’re strong and you can make it. Now it’s not them time to think about me. You have to concentrate on work and on school. You’ll obtain everything you want if you just try.”
Yamapi stays silent so Takki uses his grip on his shoulders to gently shake him.
“Do you really think so?” Pi finally says.
“I do.” Takki answers without hesitation.
The other sighs and a lonely tear falls down on his cheek.
“Ok, I’ll do it.”
Takki smiles at him. Pi forces a smile too and throw his arms around his neck.
“This doesn’t mean I’ll forget.” he says resolute “I’ll wait and become a mature adult. Then you’ll be proud of me and we’ll finally be able to be together.”
Takki doesn’t say anything, afraid that his hopes won’t become true if he voices them out loud.
Pi snuggles up against his chest and whispers again.
“I’ll make my wish come true.”
#OWARI#
So... there it is a TakkiPi! ^^
I had been thinking about it for a while but now I’m not so satisfied with how it came out… >.<
I just hope I was able to express their feelings and describe the situation well.
Thank you for reading!
And sorry if there are mistakes! ^^'
Title (romaji/English): Ryuusei wa Hoshi no Namida/Falling stars are the stars’ tears
Pairing: TakkiPi
Genre: Romance
Rating: G
Disclaimer: People can't own other people. Well, except for Johnny Kitagawa-san...
Summary: Pi is a young, confused adolescent. Takki’s not less young or less confused but for Pi’s sake he has to be an adult.
A/N: English's not my mother language.
流星は星の涙
When Takki gets a message from Yamapi at 10.30 in the evening asking him if he’s home, he simply thinks his kouhai is bored and wants to talk with him like many other times. He doesn’t expect to see him at his door ten minutes later.
“What are you doing here?” he asks in bewilderment.
The younger boy doesn’t reply, just steps inside and hugs him. It’s the end of July and it’s hot but Yamapi is shaking. Worried, Takki holds him tight and accompanies him into the living room, making him sit on the couch. Then he notices they boy’s red eyes he didn’t see in the semidarkness of the hall.
“Have you cried?” Takki asks, taking the other’s face between his hands.
Yamapi nods lightly. Takki doesn’t ask why, he simply hugs him again. The boy’s arms are immediately around his waist and soon tears are wetting his shirt. Takizawa pats the other’s head and whispers comforting words to him.
“He came back.” Yamapi says after some minutes, raising his head and still sobbing.
Takki waits for him to continue.
“I heard the doorbell ring and I went to open the door and he was there. My father. He was there after ten years. He left me, my sister and my mother without saying a word and now he’s at home again. And my mother and sister are happy!” he looks at Takki like the latter has the answers he needs “Why are they happy? My sister doesn’t even remember him! She doesn’t know him. And he made my mother suffer. She loved him but he abandoned her and she had to struggle to maintain me and Rina. Why would you forgive such a person?!”
Takizawa holds him tighter, feeling all the sadness and the disappointment of the other boy.
“Why? WHY?!” Pi asks again, raising his voice.
Takki is taken aback. The younger boy never raises his voice at him; he seldom does even with his friends. Takki’s surprised by this reaction.
But more than that, Takki doesn’t know what to do. He can continue holding Pi tightly into his arms but he doesn’t know what to say. He can’t imagine what the other feels and he’s not able to find a reason for his mother and sister’s behavior. He feels helpless. And he can’t stand it.
He’s Yamapi’s favorite senpai. The younger boy has been looking up to him since before he entered the Jimusho. Pi said he sees him as a hero, somewhat even as a father. And Takki loves him, as a brother and as a “son”. He’s always tried to be there when Pi needed him. The latter’s not simply a kouhai to him. They’ve spent so much time together that Takki kind of considers him his own property. That’s why he named him Yamapi. He’s sure with this name the insecure boy who now his only fifteen will become famous all over Japan. But somehow he will always remain Takki’s. It may seem egoistic, Takki’s aware of that, but he can’t help it. And anyway it’s all out of love.
Takizawa has always helped Pi when he needed him. But this is the first time he really doesn’t know what to do. It’s also the first time Pi has come to him for such a serious matter. Takki always feels satisfied and mighty when he sees the boy’s happy face after helping him. He makes him feel like he’s a proper adult, able to face problems and solve them. But Takki’s only eighteen and now he realizes he’s not so much of an adult. Maybe he can help Pi remember dance steps or raise his popularity but now it’s not about work. It’s about family and feelings and painful situations that will probably accompany Yamapi throughout his life. And what is Takki supposed to do about that?
He notices Yamapi’s still looking at him. He can do nothing but stare back and soon the other lowers his head, in his eyes a hint of disappointment. And Takki feels like he’s letting him down as his father did. And he doesn’t want this. He grabs Yamapi’s shoulders and makes him raise his head again.
“Listen.” he starts, looking at the other straight into the eyes “I’m sorry I’m not living up to your expectations. You came to me for help and I can do nothing but hug you. I’m not the adult senpai you need.” his voice trembles “I don’t know why your mother and sister behave like that. I only know that people can forgive anything if they desperately want something. Rina-chan had not seen her dad since she was a baby. And for a little girl this is difficult. She’s almost an adolescent, she feels she needs a dad. And your mother probably feels lonely. She’s the single mother of two children. Sometimes she may feel like there’s too much weight on her shoulders.”
Takki stops and Yamapi looks at him. His tears stopped and his expression clearly says he didn’t think about all the things his senpai said. He thinks they’re probably true. But he’s still confused.
“I don’t understand.” he confesses “Why do you need a person like that? If someone betrays you like he did, why can’t you simply forget?”
“Humans’ feelings are not so simple.”
“But why? Why does my mum want to live with someone like him? Isn’t she afraid he’ll leave again? Can she trust him again? And my sister? Can she consider her dad someone she hasn’t seen since she was two?”
Takki pats Yamapi’s head.
“I think they’re confused too. But maybe they want to trust him again.”
“How can they? I could never trust him! He destroyed my childhood! Do my mother and Rina think I didn’t miss him? Mum scolded me when I didn’t greet him but how can I smile at someone who abandoned me? I cannot trust him now. He didn’t even apologize!”
Tears are streaming down the boy’s face again and Takizawa raises his hand to dry them.
“Hey, don’t cry. I’m sure your mother knows how you feel and she doesn’t expect you to accept all this at once.”
“I can’t accept this now and I won’t accept it in the future either. If that man is going to live at home again, I’m leaving!”
“Don’t say that!” Takki scolds him. Yamapi seems so resolute it makes the older boy worried. “Where would you go?”
“Here” is the simple answer.
“Don’t be silly.” Takki smiles.
“I’m not. Why can’t I live here? Once you said you’d spent all the day with me if you could, didn’t you? If I lived here we’d always be together. Wouldn’t that be great?”
“It would. I’d be happy to stay with you all day but we can’t. You’re only fifteen. You’re underage. And you need to stay with your family. You’ll regret it if you don’t spend with them as much time as you can. Just look at me. I’m only eighteen and I already have to live away from my parents because of work.”
Yamapi lowers his head.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing now?” Takki smiles and ruffles the other’s hair “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“Am I being an egoist?” Pi asks.
“No, of course not. Any other boy would be as confused as you.”
A glimpse of anger passed through Yamapi’s eyes.
“Why am I just a boy? If I were an adult, I’d know what to do! If I were stronger, I could face my father.”
But Takki shakes his head, grabs Pi’s arms and holds his hands between his own.
“This has nothing to do with being strong! You’re fifteen. You don’t need to rush and grow up. These should be the best years of your life! Life’s made also of difficulties and this situation is one of them. But being an adult doesn’t mean you don’t suffer.”
“I wish I were as mature as you…”
The older boy shakes his head again.
“I’m not mature. I wouldn’t know what to do if I were in your place. I can’t even help you.”
“No, that’s not true.” now is Yamapi’s turn to shake his head “You always help me. You always correct me when I’m wrong. That’s what you did just some minutes ago.” he looks at the other’s eyes and smiles “Takizawa-kun is my hero.”
Takki doesn’t know what to reply. So he just hugs him tight. And Pi rests his head against his chest.
“Takki…” he whispers after a bit “Can I stay here tonight?”
The other smiles.
“Sure.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime. How about we go to bed now?”
“No, let’s stay like this for a bit more. Please.” the younger boy pleads, snuggling up against Takki’s chest and hugging him tightly.
“Ok.”
“Pi! Come brush your teeth!” Takki says from the bathroom.
There is no answer. Standing on the bathroom door, Takki looks inside the bedroom.
“Pi? Where did you go?”
Then he notices that the window is open. He moves towards it and sees Pi standing on the balcony, leaning against the handrail, with his back facing Takki.
“Pi?” he whispers, approaching him.
Pi doesn’t turn to him until Takki’s standing next to him.
“What are you doing out here?”
“Looking at the stars.” Yamapi smiles at him and turns again to look at the night sky.
Takki looks too. Tonight you can actually see some stars. A rare event in a city like this, he thinks.
They stand next to each other for a while, neither of them saying anything. Then Pi suddenly shouts.
“Ah!”
Takki turns to him, worried, but the other’s smiling and pointing at the sky.
“A falling star!” he exclaims.
Takki looks the way Pi’s finger is indicating but of course he can’t see the falling star anymore. He smiles anyway, looking at Pi. The younger one has his eyes closed and the palms of his hands united in front of his face, a concentrated expression on his face. Takki wonders what he’s wishing for.
“Did you make a good wish?” he asks when Pi opens his eyes and lowers his hands.
“Yes.” he smiles at the older one “But I’m not telling you.”
Takki pouts jokingly and Pi sticks out his tongue.
“It wouldn’t become true if I did.”
The other laughs and ruffles his hair.
“I’m sure your wish will become true.”
Pi smiles, moves closer and leans his back against Takki’s chest.
For some minutes there’s silence again but they don’t mind.
“You know,” Pi speaks up after a while “doesn’t it look like the sky is crying?”
“What?” Takki asks, not understanding the question.
“When you see a shooting star. Doesn’t it seem like a tear? I feel like the sky is crying because a piece of it is falling.”
Takki smiles bitterly and leans his chin on Pi’s head.
“Isn’t that a bit sad?”
Pi waits a bit before answering.
“Maybe.” he says “But somehow it’s fascinating. Who knows? Maybe the sky has feeling too.”
“Yes, it’s fascinating.” he grabs Pi’s shoulders to turn him and smiles “But how about we go to bed now?” he adds.
Pi sighs but nods, taking Takki’s hand and following him inside.
“Takki?” Pi whispers “Are you sleeping?”
Takki turns side to face him, even though he can’t see him very well in the semi-darkness of the bedroom.
“I’m not.” he answers “Why? Is something wrong? Can’t sleep?”
Pi nods. The feeble light coming from the window illuminates his face and makes his eyes shine and Takki finds himself thinking about how beautiful the younger boy is.
“Something like that.” Yamapi says “I was thinking.”
“About what?”
The boy remains silent for a bit.
“What do you think of me?” he finally asks in a whisper.
Takki gives him a confused look but Pi doesn’t see it.
“What do you mean?”
“What I said. What do you think of me?”
“You… I… You’re my kouhai. You’re my friend. I think you’re a talented young boy. You’re caring and kind and smart and-”
“That’s not it.” the younger one interrupts him, voice a bit louder than before “That’s not what I mean at all.”
“I don’t understand.” Takki says sincerely.
As a response, Pi moves closer until he’s almost lying on top of his senpai.
“Pi? What are you doing?!”
The boy smiles.
“Then? What do you think of me? What am I to you?”
“Haven’t I already answered? You’re my kouhai and my friend. A precious friend.”
“That’s all? Am I just a friend to you?”
Takki doesn’t reply immediately. This situation is dangerous and he has to think of the perfect answer. An answer that won’t reveal his real feelings but won’t be a lie either. But he doesn’t have one.
“I really don’t get you. What am I supposed to say?” he replies.
Pi snorts.
“Do you think of me as a child?”
“No, I don’t. As I said, you’re a young boy who-”
“A boy. That’s the same as saying I’m still a child!” Pi snorts again.
“But technically you are! I am too! We’re still teenagers! What’s wrong with that?”
“I don’t want to be a teenager! I want to be an adult! I want to show people I can look after myself and do things on my own and take decisions by myself. I want to be an adult to protect my mother and sister so they won’t need that traitor. I want to be an adult to tell my father to leave our house and never come back. I want to be an adult so I can tell you I like you.”
Takki opens his eyes wide and looks at Pi, his mouth open because of the surprise. Yamapi takes the chance to close the distance between them and soon his lips are resting on Takki’s. He doesn’t move though, like he doesn’t know what to do. Takki feels the softness of the boy’s lips and feels the urge to deepen the contact, pass his arms around Pi’s small frame, pull him close and kiss him properly. But he reminds himself Pi’s young and inexperienced, he’s going through a difficult situation and he’s his kouhai. Takki’s supposed to guide him, help him make the right decisions and correct him when he’s wrong. And it doesn’t matter if this means he has to hide his own feelings and fight against them.
So he gently pushes Pi away, making his lie on the bed again. His heart hurts when he younger one gives him a hurt look, his eyes almost teary.
“Why?” Yamapi whispers “Don’t you like me? Am I not good enough? I can be better. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, I’ll become whatever you want me to become. Please, please tell me…”
Takki hugs him, tightly between his arms like it’s a matter of life and death, like he could express with the warmth of his embrace all the things he can’t say with his tongue.
“Please…” Pi whispers again.
And Takizawa holds him even closer, kissing his head.
“You don’t need to do anything. You’re perfect just as you are. There’s nothing I’d change about you. Not even a single thing.”
“But you don’t want me. You pushed me away. Why won’t you let me be close to you-?”
“Shh, don’t say that. We can’t. I can’t. This whole thing can’t be. I’m your senpai. I’m here for you whenever you need, now and forever. But I can’t be more than that.”
“But why? What’s wrong with it? Am I asking for something so horrible?”
“It’s not horrible. It’s not horrible at all. It makes me so happy, knowing you feel like that about me. But life doesn’t always go the way we think it should.”
“Why?” Pi asks again.
Takki doesn’t reply. Both because he doesn’t really have an answer and because he doesn’t want to answer. He can’t tell Pi how much he cares for him, he can’t tell him they will solve everything together. Not this time. Pi doesn’t know how cruel the world can be, how strict they agency is. He doesn’t know how angry Johnny can get or what he can do to make things go the way he wants. Johnny always gets what he wants. And if you want to be someone, you’d better follow what he says. Because he can lift you to the top in a moment and throw you to the bottom of the bottom just as quickly. Takizawa loves Pi and he wants to see him happy and successful. He won’t be either if Takki gives in to his feelings. Takki knows Pi can be someone and he will help him chase his destiny. Even though Pi may get angry and feel betrayed. He will always support him, even though he may leave the Juniors soon. And maybe, Takki hopes, when they have become successful adults they will also be free to listen to their own hearts.
Yamapi sniffles and Takki interrupts his thoughts. He grabs the other’s shoulders.
“Listen, listen carefully to me. You’re perfect just as you are. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re probably the more talented boy I’ve ever seen and you’ll definitely become someone. You just have to believe in yourself. Never let anyone say you’re not good enough. Never let anyone say you can’t do it. You’re strong and you can make it. Now it’s not them time to think about me. You have to concentrate on work and on school. You’ll obtain everything you want if you just try.”
Yamapi stays silent so Takki uses his grip on his shoulders to gently shake him.
“Do you really think so?” Pi finally says.
“I do.” Takki answers without hesitation.
The other sighs and a lonely tear falls down on his cheek.
“Ok, I’ll do it.”
Takki smiles at him. Pi forces a smile too and throw his arms around his neck.
“This doesn’t mean I’ll forget.” he says resolute “I’ll wait and become a mature adult. Then you’ll be proud of me and we’ll finally be able to be together.”
Takki doesn’t say anything, afraid that his hopes won’t become true if he voices them out loud.
Pi snuggles up against his chest and whispers again.
“I’ll make my wish come true.”
#OWARI#
So... there it is a TakkiPi! ^^
I had been thinking about it for a while but now I’m not so satisfied with how it came out… >.<
I just hope I was able to express their feelings and describe the situation well.
Thank you for reading!
And sorry if there are mistakes! ^^'