Healing Hearts - Ch.6
Title: Healing Hearts
Chapter Title: We’ll try, together
Pairing: RyoPi
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-15 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: People can't own other people. Well, except for Johnny Kitagawa-san...
Summary: Pi can’t seem to find true love. But if he took a better look around himself, he’d see that the right person is right beside him.
A/N: English's not my mother language.
Healing Hearts
Chapter Six - We’ll try, together
Ryo didn’t say anything, too surprised to even invite the other to enter. Not that he needed to; without speaking, Pi made his way into the apartment, took off his shoes and headed for the living room. Ryo closed the door and followed him.
He found the other sitting on the couch, looking at the black screen of the television. Ryo still didn’t say anything and just stood beside the couch, afraid that a single word could have broken the magic and made Yamapi run away. So Ryo just waited for the other to speak.
But after ten minutes he still hadn’t opened his mouth. Ryo let out a small sigh and went to the kitchen. When he came back, holding a tray with two glasses and a bottle, Yamapi was standing near the living room door. He took the tray off Ryo’s hands and put it on the coffee table. Then he grabbed Ryo by his shirt and pinned him against the nearest wall. Before Ryo could even process what was going on, wet lips were on his and a tongue was making his way into his mouth. Pi was kissing him deeply and desperately and Ryo felt the urge to abandon himself into those strong arms that were holding him firm against the wall. Instead he pushed the other away with all his force. Taken aback, Yamapi almost fell to the ground. Ryo just looked at him, passing a finger on his lips. Despite how much he missed Pi’s lips, it was too much to take. A kiss without love hurts.
“What was that for?” NEWS’ leader asked, returning to sit on the couch.
Ryo snorted.
“I should be the one asking. You ignore me for months and then suddenly come to my house, don’t say a word and sexually assault me.”
Pi shrugged.
“I just felt like doing it.”
Ryo felt like punching him but instead he just sat near him.
“And since when you feel like kissing me? Except when you’re drunk, I mean.”
The younger one didn’t reply.
“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you shouting at me because I didn’t pull away tomorrow morning.” Ryo added.
“Sorry about that.” Pi almost whispered, lowering his head.
“It’s nothing.” Ryo sighed “Care to tell me why you’re here?”
“I don’t know.”
The Osakan raised an eyebrow.
“I mean, I know why I’m here but I don’t know why I felt the need to be here.” Yamapi said.
“I really don’t understand.”
“Neither do I. I just know I felt like coming here was the only way to resolve this.”
“‘This’ what exactly?”
“What’s happening to me…”
If before Ryo was a bit confused, now he just couldn’t understand a thing.
“And what’s happening to you?” he asked.
Yamapi let out a frustrated sigh and stood up, pacing around the room.
“I just don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore! When I found out you liked me I thought I was disgusted. I left and spent that night in a club and fucked some chick I met. And I did the same thing the following nights. Only to find out that it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right at all. And you know why?” Pi paused for a minute, his face flushed from talking so fast, and Ryo waited for him to continue. “Because I thought about you all the time. I had between my hands some buxom chick and I was thinking about you. I had her hands on me and I was thinking about your hands when you embrace me. Those girls would have probably gone home saying the great Yamapi hadn’t managed to get it up if I hadn’t been thinking about you.”
Ryo was taken aback. He thought Pi might have some sort of feelings towards him (cuddling and kissing couldn’t just be a result of a drunken state), but he didn’t expect him to be so affected by them. Nor to actually admit they affected him. He was just about to say something when Yamapi resumed talking.
“After those experiences I thought I should just give up on girls. So I concentrated on work. But work meant having to see you every day and I just didn’t know how to face you. Then you left for Osaka and I just felt lonely. I started working on the drama and those stupid script-writers had this brilliant idea and made Aizawa’s stupid father come back.” Pi, who was facing the window, turned to Ryo, like the latter had the answers he was searching. “Do they enjoy putting my own private life into their dramas? Do they enjoy making me remember?”
The boy’s eyes had suddenly become teary. Ryo got up from the couch and quickly approached him, pulling him into a tight hug. Pi’s tense body immediately relaxed into the other’s arms. Passing his arms under Ryo’s, he grabbed Ryo’s shoulders with his hands and pulled him closer, lowering his head so that it could rest on Ryo’s chest.
The Osakan was slowly caressing Yamapi’s back with a hand, holding him close with the other.
“Shh, it’s okay. It’s just a drama.” he said.
“But the pain is real.” Pi sniffled.
“I know. But you have to be strong. This kind of pain will never go away if you don’t face it.”
As only response, Pi buried his face in Ryo’s chest, like he was hiding from the world.
“You’re not alone.” Ryo continued “You have a lot of friends, you have your family.” He paused “You have me.”
This time Pi looked up at him.
“I need you.” he whispered.
“I’m here for you, I’ve always been and I always will. You’re the most important thing of my life. I just want you to be happy.”
The younger buried his head in Ryo’s chest again before replying in a low voice.
“Then just stay with me…”
Ryo grabbed Pi’s shoulder and made him raise his head to face him.
“Just stay with me.” Yamapi repeated, looking at Ryo straight in the eyes “Stay with me, forever. Please.”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” Ryo replied.
“I missed you so much. I was the one who left you and ignored you but when you went to Osaka I felt so empty. I felt like you had taken with you my heart. And then I realized…” Pi paused to make sure he had all of Ryo’s attention “…that my heart belongs to you. All the people I thought I loved, all the girls I’ve been with don’t mean anything to me. Compared to you they’re nothing. None of them ever understood me, none of them was ever there when I needed help, none of them could ever make me feel what I feel when I’m in your arms. Like this is my place in the world.”
“Tomohisa…” Ryo said softly and the other’s face lit up. His named sounded so right on Ryo’s lips.
“I don’t know what this is. I can’t say I return your feelings. But I can say I understand them. I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry for all the horrible things I said. Those were the worst words I could have pronounced. There’s nothing abnormal in your feelings. They’re the noblest feelings. But I felt so scared. It was the first time I felt someone loved me so much. I thought I didn’t deserve it.”
“I know. But that’s just the stupidest thing you could think of. You’re the person who most deserves to be loved in this world. After all you’ve been through, looking at the strong man you’ve become, seeing how hard you try in everything, always putting others before yourself. You’re the only person I could love.”
“Thank you.” If possible, Pi embraced Ryo even tighter “I really don’t know what I would have become without you. Out of all the people I cared for in my life, you’re probably the one who has always been by my side. I’m sorry for not noticing earlier. I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you. Taking care of me surely has been tough. With my stupid attitude, my thoughtless actions, my mood-swings. I’m really sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter. You were just confused. The only thing that matters is that now you’ve understood how you feel. And besides I didn’t wait all this time to hear you repeating ‘I’m sorry’ over and over.” Ryo concluded laughing softly.
But Pi didn’t laugh. He looked at Ryo with a firm expression, his eyes suddenly darker.
“Then what did you wait for?” he asked and his voice was lower than before.
Ryo, a bit surprised, stayed silent, trying to think of a reply. But Pi’s face was suddenly approaching his and it wasn’t easy to think. His mind went totally blank when Pi’s lips brushed against his.
Pi took it slow this time. He gently covered the other’s mouth with his own and Ryo loved the way their lips seemed to fit so perfectly against each other. The younger boy was kissing him softly and slowly and this time Ryo kissed back, just as softly. Pi pulled away for a second to catch his breath before kissing Ryo again. He slowly licked the other’s lips with his tongue until Ryo opened his mouth and they could deepen the kiss.
When they pulled away, both breathless, they smiled at each other. They had been hugging for so long that they didn’t feel their arms anymore but they didn’t care. Pi just rested his head on Ryo’s shoulder and let the latter cuddle him. When he spoke up again it could have been minutes or hours later, he couldn’t tell.
“This is probably all I can offer you right now. I can’t say I love you yet because right now I don’t even understand what love means. I know for sure that you’re the only person I need. The only person I want to hug, kiss and touch. But my heart feels like… it’s broken. All the things that happened, all the people I’ve been with. It’s like each one of them stabbed me with a knife, one after the other so my heart didn’t have time to heal. All those girls saying they loved me while they were only after my body or my money. I don’t even want to think about them. Talking about them makes me so sick I…”
“Shh, it’s okay.” Ryo interrupted him placing his index finger on his lips “I'll repair your broken heart. I don't need to know anything more.”
“But how will you do it if you don't know?”
“Doctors need to know their patients' diseases to cure them. But lovers only need their feelings to heal a broken heart.”
Yamapi seemed satisfied with the answer.
“Okay. I trust you. If there’s anybody who can heal me it’s you. I’m aware it’s not much compared to your feelings towards me but if you’re okay with it, I’m willing to try.”
A soft smile spread on Ryo’s lips as he lifted Pi’s chin with his hand.
“It’s enough for me. I’m willing to try too. We’ll try this. Together.”
“Yeah, together.” Yamapi returned the smile.
Morning found them huddled up under the covers in Ryo’s bed. Like many other times before, they had fallen asleep embracing each other.
Ryo was the first to wake up. He couldn’t help smiling as he watched Pi’s sleeping figure, curled up against his chest, an arm around his waist. After all those nights sleeping alone, it felt great to wake up beside the person he loved again.
Not wanting to wake the other up, he gently pulled away the arm that was embracing him and slowly got out of the bed. Tiptoeing he went to the bathroom to wash his face and then he headed for the kitchen.
When NEWS’ leader woke up too Ryo was entering the room carrying a tray. The latter smiled, put the tray on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Good morning.” Pi whispered, sitting up and smiling sleepily.
Ryo smiled back.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” he whispered, leaning in for a kiss that the other was happy to provide.
They kissed for a bit, before Ryo climbed on the bed next to Pi and sat leaning against the headboard. Pi sat next to him and Ryo took the tray and put it on his lap. He picked up one of the toasts and spread some jam on it, before offering it to Pi. But the latter didn’t make any move to take it; he just opened his mouth waiting for Ryo to feed him. And Ryo happily obliged. When he had finished eating, the younger boy took a toast from the tray, spread jam on it and returned the favor. As Ryo was swallowing his last bite, Pi suddenly leaned in and licked the other’s upper lip.
“You had some jam left here.” he said, poking with the tip of his finger the spot he had just licked and trying to sound innocent.
“How naughty.” Ryo laughed, leaning closer.
“Just for you…” Pi whispered before claiming the other’s lips.
“Hey, Ryo…” Pi suddenly spoke up.
Ryo, who had his hands into the sink and was washing a cup, turned to him. The younger was just near him and was drying the other cup with a towel. He finished what he was doing, put the cup in the dish rack and finally turned to Ryo.
“I… I was wondering…” he was blushing and Ryo thought he was just too cute “After last night… I can consider you my boyfriend now, right?”
The Osakan smiled widely and drew near to give him a peek on the cheek.
“Of course you can! What else should I be? I’m your boyfriend and you’re mine.”
Yamapi smiled at him.
“My boyfriend… Sounds great!”
“It does, doesn’t it?” Ryo laughed, returning his attention to the cup he was washing.
The other nodded, still smiling.
That night Ryo came home late. He put down his bag and took off his shoes, trying not to make too much noise. The house was dark and silent. But Yamapi’s shoes were in the genkan so that meant the boy had already come back and was already sleeping. After all it was past one in the morning and Pi had to wake up early that day. Ryo would have wanted to come home earlier and spend some time with him but filming had kept him busy till past midnight.
Tiptoeing, he headed for the bedroom. Just as he was stretching his hand out to open the bedroom door he heard a scream inside the room. He immediately opened the door and rushed inside and near the bed. Pi was on lying on it, asleep. His body was all sweaty and moving in his sleep he had kicked the blanket at the foot of the bed. His face was contracted in a painful expression and he was moving his head from side to side.
“No! No! No!” he continuously screamed.
Ryo put a hand on his forehead, trying to wake him up.
“Tomo! Tomo, wake up!”
The boy turned to him and grabbed his shirt, his eyes still closed.
“Don’t go! Don’t go! Please, come back! Look at me!” he shouted.
“Wake up!” Ryo shouted, grabbing the other’s shoulders.
“Please! Please, don’t go.” his voice gradually became lower “Please, don’t leave me… Don’t leave me alone, Ryo…”
“I’m right here! Wake up! Please!” the older man strengthened his grip.
Yamapi opened his eyes, finally awake. Tears started falling down his cheeks as he threw his arms around Ryo’s neck and held him as tight as he could, hiding his face in Ryo’s chest. Ryo sat on the bed, embracing him and passing a hand through his hair.
“Don’t go… Don’t go…” Pi kept repeating between sobs.
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Calm down, it was just a nightmare.”
“It felt so real. It was so horrible! I kept calling out your name but you wouldn’t hear me!”
“It was a nightmare. I would never ignore you like that.”
Yamapi sniffled but looked up.
“It was really horrible.” he started, fear in his eyes “Johnny-san had found out about us. He was angry at me. He kept shouting, saying horrible things. He said that I didn’t deserve you, that I’d only make you suffer. He said he had sent you back to Osaka. I rushed out of his office and out of the Jimusho. You were walking towards the gate. I started calling you but you didn’t turn. I ran and ran but I couldn’t reach you.”
“Nothing of that’s really gonna happen. I’m not leaving you. I’m not letting that old man tell me what do, where to go or whom to love. I’m not letting anyone separate us. I’ll stay by your side forever.” Ryo promised, looking at Pi straight in the eyes, his face more serious than ever.
The younger man snuggled up to him. His body was still shaking but he slowly nodded.
“Thank you. I’m not afraid if you’re here.”
Ryo kissed his forehead.
“You won’t have to be afraid anymore then. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll protect you from anyone and anything. Even from nightmares.”
“I know. Ryo is my hero.” Pi looked up at him expectantly and slowly closed his eyes. Ryo understood the silent plea and kissed him on the lips.
Minutes later they were lying on the bed next to each other. Pi had changed his sweaty clothes and Ryo had put on his pajamas. They were holding hands under the warm blanket.
Suddenly Pi rolled on his side and leaned closer to Ryo.
“You know, before falling asleep and having that nightmare I was thinking about you. I was lying alone in bed and I felt a bit lonely.”
Ryo turned to him, an apologetic expression on his face.
“I’m sorry. I tried to come home earlier but there were some problems on the set and…”
“No, no.” Yamapi shook his head “That’s not what I meant. It’s not your fault. It’s just that I was thinking about how until two days ago I would lie in bed alone and think about you. It seems like years ago. Now it’s all so perfect. But before it felt so wrong. During the day I tried to forget you working but at night I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about you and about how much I wanted you near me to embrace me.” Pi slowly put his hand on Ryo’s chest, caressing it “Before I could realize it I was touching myself. If I closed my eyes I could see you and remember your touch and it almost felt like it was you touching me.”
Ryo, who till then hadn’t really noticed the movements of Pi’s hand, suddenly felt said hand in the proximity of the waistband of his pants. Although taken aback, he quickly grabbed Pi’s hand and brought it back up. He looked at his boyfriend wide-eyed but the latter only smirked, eyes almost shining with lust. He drew near and Ryo felt something stir against his leg.
“Tomo…?” he said, voice trembling.
“Yes?” the other answered innocently, as his hand started going down Ryo’s chest again.
“Wh-What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” Pi asked as he started kissing Ryo’s earlobe.
“I-I don’t think this is a good id- Oh my god!”
Pi’s hand had just made its way into Ryo’s pants and was rubbing the front of his boxers.
“Tomo, don’t…” he groaned.
“Why?” Pi whispered against his lips.
“I don’t think we should do this yet…”
As only response, Pi started kissing along his jaw line. One hand still inside Ryo’s pants, while the other one was travelling along his chest, under his shirt.
Ryo moaned, loud. But he managed to grab Pi’s shoulders and make the latter face him.
“What?!” Yamapi exclaimed, slightly annoyed.
“We shouldn’t be doing this. You don’t really want it. You said it yourself, you don’t even know if you love me yet.”
“And then?”
“And then you can’t possibly want to do this with me now. Just two days ago you thought you were disgusted by homosexuality!”
“But I found out I was not, right?”
“That’s not the point. You’re just sexually frustrated, that’s what you are.”
“I am not!” Pi snorted but then he looked at him with pleading eyes “Please, Ryo. I need this…”
To emphasize his point he slipped his hand into Ryo’s boxers. Ryo’s groaned and used his grip on Pi’s shoulder to lay him on the bed, positioning himself on top of him. He lowered his head on the other’s neck, kissing and licking and softly biting the candid skin. Pi moaned and thrust his hips up to meet Ryo’s. Both his hands were now under Ryo’s shirt, caressing his chest and his back. Ryo slid his hand into Yamapi’s pants and the latter moaned louder. Ryo kissed him on the lips and slid the hand inside the younger one’s boxers. But when Pi felt the contact his eyes flew open and instinctively pushed Ryo’s hand away. Then he realized what he had done and looked at Ryo wide-eyed. Ryo just stared back at him. Pi leaned in to kiss him but Ryo withdrew.
“You don’t want this.” he simply said, rolling on his side to lie on the bed.
Yamapi looked at him for a moment, then he got out of the bed and hid in the bathroom.
Ryo remained where he was, his arousal still very obvious. Sighing, he reached for the front of his pants with his hand.
When Pi came out, many minutes later, Ryo got up from the bed and headed for the bathroom too, holding in his hand the tissues he had used to clean himself up.
Ryo was much quicker than Pi and left the bathroom after a couple of minutes. Pi was waiting for him sitting on the edge of the bed. The Osakan approached him and kneeled down in front of him.
“I’m sorry.” Pi immediately said, bowing his head.
Ryo smiled softly and raised Pi’s chin.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But… I really want to… to do that with you. I just can’t... yet.”
“Hey, don’t worry. I can wait. I’ll wait until you’re ready. Doesn’t matter how long it takes.”
“Thank you.” Yamapi managed to smile.
Ryo smiled back and gently pushed him to lie on the bed, before lying beside him. Pi’s arm was immediately around his waist as he snuggled up against his chest. Ryo kissed his lover's forehead and held him close.
“You know,” Pi started “maybe I can’t say I love you or go beyond kisses yet but I can definitely say my heart’s starting to heal.”
He looked up and smiled the sweetest smile and Ryo felt a comforting warmth surrounding him as he leaned in to kiss those inviting lips which he could never grow sick of.
To Be Continued
Finally I’ve finished chapter 6!!!! Yaaaaaaaaay!!!! (^w^)/
This is probably the chapter I’m most satisfied with. Even though I don’t understand myself why I have to put angst even in bed scenes… -.-
Anyway! This is the last chapter! Now there’s only the epilogue left.
As usual, a big thank you to the lovely people who support this story!!! (^o^)