I used to roll the dice; feel the fear in my enemy's eyes

[kumanuigurumi]

So far I've sucessfully completed the first two stages of life, birth and school. Which pretty much leaves me with work, retirement, and death. I can't help but think that there is about 30 more years of work waiting for me. I kind of wished I could just zip through to the end. People always talk about how the journey is is more important than the destination. But I'm feeling like the journey is rather tedious, I think I'd rather just get the destination quickly and be done with it. We are all going to the same destination after all. Doesn't that make rather meaningless. I kind of feel like I'm jumping through all these hoops for nothing. I'm just going through the motions, because that's what I'm suppose to do. That's what everyone expects me to do.

Life is about balance. The balance is arbitrary, a different point of equilibrium unique to every individual. The equilibrium that makes this circus bearable. So far, I have been unsuccessful at finding this equilibrium in my life and the daily grind is starting to get to me. Social evolution is giving me a hint that I may not be fit enough for this world. After all this time I think I still don't know what I want or what the hell I'm doing. On the outside it looks like I have all my shit together, but inside it's a different story.

Shatter windows and the sound of drums; people couldn't believe what I'd become

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