damn it
It's 3:30am. I can't sleep. I've been trying for the last hour. Every once in a while, but more often recently, I have these panic attacks. Except that instead of anxiety it's been anger and frustration. I'm the kind of person that keeps things to myself, bottled up deep inside. And sometimes it starts to seep out, like tonight. Usually it's triggered by a particular train of thought. Most of the time I can keep it in check, but sometimes I let it get out. As I was laying in bed, I realized that my whole body was tense, my teeth clenched, and my mind was racing. So here am I now, drinking some wine and waiting for the anger to subside so I can get back to sleep. The anger is mostly directed at my parents and some other intangible things. I know it's not the best to keep this kind of stuff bottled up inside, but there isn't really anyone I can talk to about it. It wouldn't feel appropriate for me to just unload it onto someone. Which is why I'm writing here, to no one in particular. Probably just talking to myself. I can't go into details on here, but it's certainly taken some of the edge off by writing about it. Alright, I think I'm liquored up enough to try falling asleep.