Happiness, or lack thereof
Sitting in uni now, waitin for my maths course to start in 20 minutes, been thinking all day
I have to say that im not really happy here, in my current overall situation. Hmmmm this post might sound whingy.
Nawww, im not that happy here, not content either. Too many worries, too much stress and concern.
I live for when Friday nights arrive, and when university is finished for the day.
I don't have as much freedom at "home" as i'd like, because im bound by rules, and i tip toe around my relatives.
FUCK i HATE having to tip toe around my relatives, this is not independance, this is not me being an adult, this is me being in a situation where im a virtual child again, and i HATE it.
Then again, the role of responsiblity as an adult i dont like that much, but i'd do it. If i had my own place i'd love it, if i could get my own place i would, i'd roll around like a pig in shit with relief. The relaxation of the rules imposed by anothers will would be absolutely magnificent. I would live alone, in a small place, go out and buy groceries, go to uni, do my work, have fun, pay my bills, and live a free life.
But of course, it all comes back to money, its always about money. I would have no means to support such a venture.
Don't get me wrong, im grateful for my aunty and uncle for letting me stay with them, but im chafing at the rules of the household, the little things i never did at home, or didnt have to do.
I am so looking forward to going home this holidays, my lovely peaceful yet full of noise home, with the arguing family and the house full of technology. There i knew what i could get away with, and thats pretty much what i want to do anyway.
Im looking forward to when Morgan comes up here too, in 3 weeks, and im gonna love showing her around, meet my friends, see my life, and then catching the train back to Broken Hill together, id finally have good company on that damn train, and have someone to pay out all the old fucks who wont SHUT UP.
Back to my life here, no, im not happy, im not content, but the age old questions really, "what else am i going to do?" heh. I'll follow this course to the end to my fullest, and all the while i will think about Morgan, about what my life will need to be when im done here, and what i want to get out of this experience, this psychological bruising.
however, i do have good things here, my friends, geeks all of them, Friday night LANs, brilliant things, bbq's at my friends farm, and an ever expanding circle of contacts that im making throughout the geek community here, i even have people i know and trust in Sydney, from the ages of 16-36, that i can count on if necessary.
heh, im even part of a close knit group called "STIPE", and im even gonna get a t-shirt! :D with my username and logo on the back heh heh.
Ahhhh, lifes not so bad here, its just stressful i guess, and there are things that i wish, i wish i had thousands upon thousands of dollars in my bank, like some people i know, like Jarv's wealth.
I wish my car would be fixed properly. I wish exams didnt suck so bad
i have a major assignment due next week, half of it already completed FOR me by the lecturer, and everyother student got the same thign, i have exams in 3 weeks.
*sigh* im gonna trash these exams, or at least pass them, bitches aint gonna make me fail.
Theres gonna be a STIPE bbq after my exams sometime, 30+ people there, and the leader of it, CRaZy, is gonna try and have it within the 10 days that me and Morgan are gonna be here after our exams.
gotta go, class started 2 minutes ago :p heh, stupid maths, its all shit anyway
cya
I have to say that im not really happy here, in my current overall situation. Hmmmm this post might sound whingy.
Nawww, im not that happy here, not content either. Too many worries, too much stress and concern.
I live for when Friday nights arrive, and when university is finished for the day.
I don't have as much freedom at "home" as i'd like, because im bound by rules, and i tip toe around my relatives.
FUCK i HATE having to tip toe around my relatives, this is not independance, this is not me being an adult, this is me being in a situation where im a virtual child again, and i HATE it.
Then again, the role of responsiblity as an adult i dont like that much, but i'd do it. If i had my own place i'd love it, if i could get my own place i would, i'd roll around like a pig in shit with relief. The relaxation of the rules imposed by anothers will would be absolutely magnificent. I would live alone, in a small place, go out and buy groceries, go to uni, do my work, have fun, pay my bills, and live a free life.
But of course, it all comes back to money, its always about money. I would have no means to support such a venture.
Don't get me wrong, im grateful for my aunty and uncle for letting me stay with them, but im chafing at the rules of the household, the little things i never did at home, or didnt have to do.
I am so looking forward to going home this holidays, my lovely peaceful yet full of noise home, with the arguing family and the house full of technology. There i knew what i could get away with, and thats pretty much what i want to do anyway.
Im looking forward to when Morgan comes up here too, in 3 weeks, and im gonna love showing her around, meet my friends, see my life, and then catching the train back to Broken Hill together, id finally have good company on that damn train, and have someone to pay out all the old fucks who wont SHUT UP.
Back to my life here, no, im not happy, im not content, but the age old questions really, "what else am i going to do?" heh. I'll follow this course to the end to my fullest, and all the while i will think about Morgan, about what my life will need to be when im done here, and what i want to get out of this experience, this psychological bruising.
however, i do have good things here, my friends, geeks all of them, Friday night LANs, brilliant things, bbq's at my friends farm, and an ever expanding circle of contacts that im making throughout the geek community here, i even have people i know and trust in Sydney, from the ages of 16-36, that i can count on if necessary.
heh, im even part of a close knit group called "STIPE", and im even gonna get a t-shirt! :D with my username and logo on the back heh heh.
Ahhhh, lifes not so bad here, its just stressful i guess, and there are things that i wish, i wish i had thousands upon thousands of dollars in my bank, like some people i know, like Jarv's wealth.
I wish my car would be fixed properly. I wish exams didnt suck so bad
i have a major assignment due next week, half of it already completed FOR me by the lecturer, and everyother student got the same thign, i have exams in 3 weeks.
*sigh* im gonna trash these exams, or at least pass them, bitches aint gonna make me fail.
Theres gonna be a STIPE bbq after my exams sometime, 30+ people there, and the leader of it, CRaZy, is gonna try and have it within the 10 days that me and Morgan are gonna be here after our exams.
gotta go, class started 2 minutes ago :p heh, stupid maths, its all shit anyway
cya