contemplation and reflections
so, i'm sure i've mentioned i've been reading my old Blog. the one i had through Blogger. it malfunctioned sometime in the year 2003 and i switched over the LJ. i find it interesting, not just for the memories and nostalgia, but also to witness the meandering road i travelled down for a few years.
so many of my posts from that time are very angry, very...unfocused. i'd like to think i've grown since then. as both a person and writer.
and of course while i write this i'm proably making more of an effort to write better then i do normally now...but thats cause i'm silly like that.
from my biased viewpoint i'd like to think i'm a better person as well. or at least...i'm a more accepting person, an easier going person. theres a lot of water under a very wide bridge from 2003 to 2009...much happened. good and bad.
my passions are the same i think, but i've found better ways express them.
my anger still exists, but i act on it in a more constructive, rather then destructive manner.
i don't hide from things the way i used to. School was very much a hide away for me, a place to avoid the things which scared or angered me. i think i don't do that anymore....at least not as much...;)
So much time after leaving school was about distancing myself from it. starting fresh, tfiguering out where/when/why and how i fell of track and attempting to get back on in some manner.
Last year, 2008, i said at the beginning that i was about staying the course, cause i felt i'd gotten on the right track and i was doing well enough. "Keep on, keeping on"
this year, 2009, i threw that book out and i said this year is about doing things different. in small ways i think i'm doing that. and i'm ok if i keep doing it in small ways.
I gotta get used to the small revolutions before I tackle the big ones.
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i've been having odd smell memories lately...
of times, places, people.
its odd.