BioWare lore broke my brain
A fact you may or may not know about me: I am a Lore Whore. I love nothing more than to sit for hours reading a wiki about something I've played or watched, learning all the lore and background and random facts about it. I am embarrassed at the amount of time I have wasted in the past on wowwiki. Or maybe I'm not embarrassed!
Anyway, when I learned that there were Dragon Age prequel novels written by the lead writer of the games, I was like HOOK ME UP! There are two out so far, with a third coming out in March (it might be the novelization of the game, idk, BAM's computers refused to tell me anything). I'm reading the first one right now, which is about Maric's reclaiming the throne of Ferelden from those Frenchy-french Orlesians, Loghain being a badass and, I predict, sleeping with Maric's future wife, and general badassery. Young Maric is pretty much almost like Alistair except more familiar with the fact that life sucks. The book opens with his mom being slaughtered in front of him! It's fun seeing the resemblance between them. I would say "and Cailan" but we did not get to see much of him, besides his FABULOUS shiny armor. So yeah, first book is good. We didn't have the second in stock, so I had to order it, and it came in today.
A weird habit I have is looking at the last few pages of a book. Don't know why but I do. In this case I was sort of hoping Alistair would show up already (yeah, shut up). Well, he did, sort of?
In the pages I turned to, some lady named Fiona was telling Maric he had another son. OH YEAH! Duncan cradled him gingerly in his arms. OH what? Maric looked at him and said ".... He's human." Oh... whaaaat? I WAS INTRIGUED. So i read the last few pages in their entirety.
Apparently Fiona is Alistair's mother (unless there's a mysterious third heir or some shit, but somehow I doubt that). She didn't die during childbirth, but rather decided to give him away (to Arl Eamon I assume) to be taken care of and told his mother was dead, since his life would fucking suck otherwise, being competition to Cailan and/or being taken to work to chop darkspawns' heads off. And Duncan promised to watch over him like a creepy pedophile man. Fiona is also, apparently, an elven mage GREY WARDEN.
WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT??????
Not only is our friend Alistair the bastard son of a king, but he's half elf and the child of a Grey Warden which happens pretty much almost never. The mage part is easy to explain, because being a mage isn't genetic. But why doesn't he look like this?
This does not happen. but maybe it should.
Well apparently, in the magical world of Thedas, when an elf and a human have a child it's ALWAYS human. So the elves stick together in their alienages and hippie tribes because if they didn't, they would crossbreed themselves into extinction. WTF Bioware??? This smelled of retcon (and darkspawn), but it can't be retcon, because this novel was published around the same time as the game came out, if not before. So this was the plan all along. Which leaves me with this one thought:
OH GOD I HOPE THEY USE THIS SHIT IN THE GAME SOMEHOW
Oh and another thought: OH GOD I HOPE THIS MEANS THAT BITCH GOLDANNA ISN'T REALLY RELATED TO HIM. Stupid whore.
AND GOOD NEWS MY ELVEN SISTERS! Your boyfriend's mom is an ELF! So that means the new king of Ferelden is PART ELF which means WE SHALL OVERCOME!
TL;DR: Bricks, I shat them
Anyway, when I learned that there were Dragon Age prequel novels written by the lead writer of the games, I was like HOOK ME UP! There are two out so far, with a third coming out in March (it might be the novelization of the game, idk, BAM's computers refused to tell me anything). I'm reading the first one right now, which is about Maric's reclaiming the throne of Ferelden from those Frenchy-french Orlesians, Loghain being a badass and, I predict, sleeping with Maric's future wife, and general badassery. Young Maric is pretty much almost like Alistair except more familiar with the fact that life sucks. The book opens with his mom being slaughtered in front of him! It's fun seeing the resemblance between them. I would say "and Cailan" but we did not get to see much of him, besides his FABULOUS shiny armor. So yeah, first book is good. We didn't have the second in stock, so I had to order it, and it came in today.
A weird habit I have is looking at the last few pages of a book. Don't know why but I do. In this case I was sort of hoping Alistair would show up already (yeah, shut up). Well, he did, sort of?
In the pages I turned to, some lady named Fiona was telling Maric he had another son. OH YEAH! Duncan cradled him gingerly in his arms. OH what? Maric looked at him and said ".... He's human." Oh... whaaaat? I WAS INTRIGUED. So i read the last few pages in their entirety.
Apparently Fiona is Alistair's mother (unless there's a mysterious third heir or some shit, but somehow I doubt that). She didn't die during childbirth, but rather decided to give him away (to Arl Eamon I assume) to be taken care of and told his mother was dead, since his life would fucking suck otherwise, being competition to Cailan and/or being taken to work to chop darkspawns' heads off. And Duncan promised to watch over him like a creepy pedophile man. Fiona is also, apparently, an elven mage GREY WARDEN.
WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT??????
Not only is our friend Alistair the bastard son of a king, but he's half elf and the child of a Grey Warden which happens pretty much almost never. The mage part is easy to explain, because being a mage isn't genetic. But why doesn't he look like this?
This does not happen. but maybe it should.
Well apparently, in the magical world of Thedas, when an elf and a human have a child it's ALWAYS human. So the elves stick together in their alienages and hippie tribes because if they didn't, they would crossbreed themselves into extinction. WTF Bioware??? This smelled of retcon (and darkspawn), but it can't be retcon, because this novel was published around the same time as the game came out, if not before. So this was the plan all along. Which leaves me with this one thought:
OH GOD I HOPE THEY USE THIS SHIT IN THE GAME SOMEHOW
Oh and another thought: OH GOD I HOPE THIS MEANS THAT BITCH GOLDANNA ISN'T REALLY RELATED TO HIM. Stupid whore.
AND GOOD NEWS MY ELVEN SISTERS! Your boyfriend's mom is an ELF! So that means the new king of Ferelden is PART ELF which means WE SHALL OVERCOME!
TL;DR: Bricks, I shat them