HP Collegecraft
I would love to share some gentle reminders to you parents who have your dear and lovely offspring traipsing off to the new (and not so new)world of collegiate endeavors in a couple weeks:
1. We, who work here every day; would love if you would take the time before hand to call the campus and determine where you can park when you arrive. While parking is delighted to cut you a ticket, we are not so delighted to have what few places are available to us taken up by your fat-assed SUV.
2. We realize it is a very confusing and potentially scary time (even for you, especially for you) but you need to recall that your excitement is not an excuse to not pay attention to street signs. Every college town is full of pedestrians and your driving the wrong way on a one way street puts them in danger.
3. Yes, we know, there has never been anyone more beautiful, talented, amazing, intelligent, special, super duper, likely to succeed than your child. This does not make them exempt from the rules and requirements for any reason whatsoever.
4. We are not baby sitters. We are not tutors (unless specified as such). We are not here to guarantee that your child gets up to go to class on time, eats right, or does their homework. And we are certainly not here to ensure your kids get straight As and get into Law School. Let us do our jobs and have some faith in your child-rearing capabilities.
5. Guess what? Sometimes your kids don't do all that stuff I mentioned in #4. Guess whose fault it is? IT'S YOUR KID'S FAULT! No one makes them go out and party, ignore their homework, drink, smoke, and/or play ultimate frisbee in a rain storm instead of going to bed. When they screw up, let them screw up. You're not doing them any favors by calling a Dean to try and get your child excused from missing a test because the poor dear didn't study because they were stayed up at a party.
And let me take a moment to also talk about what paying the bills does and doesn't get you. If you are funding your child's education, more power to you. As the one with the money, you have the right to submit or withdraw that assistance as you see fit, because that is your money. HOWEVER, this does not give you the right to make decisions about who your child makes friends with, where and how they spend their time, or what they decide to do in the future. That you are paying the bills also does not give you automatic rights to their information because whether you like it or not, when they hit eighteen they are LEGALLY considered to be "adults". They may not act it for another five years or so, but the rest of us are bound by law to get their permission before we can talk to you.
6. When your child fails or is failing a class, that is not the time to start calling professors and demanding to see their grade books. Failing happens, let them fail. They learn a lot faster that way. The only thing you teach them when you don't allow them to fail is that you will do everything for them their whole life, and they don't really need to try because mommy and daddy will save them if something goes wrong.
And by the way, if you are not financially solvent enough to support them failing, don't blame us.
7. Separation anxiety is normal. Some of us have kids ourselves and we understand this. This does not give you license to unload these anxieties on us when you call. Reign in the verbal diarrhea because it doesn't make us any more sympathetic; it makes us annoyed.
8. Things don't always go as planned and on rare occasions, it is not your child's fault. And while we know you wish to protect and defend your child's well being/honor, this does not give you license to threaten, scream, shout, or otherwise verbally abuse us over the phone or in person. Leeringly mentioning that you're a lawyer, doctor, psychologist, etc. and are going to serve us legal papers unless we comply with your demands is tantamount to a mafia shake down and it's not the best way to get things straitened out.
9. Our time is precious too. And our job is to serve your student, not you. Don't waste it by not taking the ten or so minutes before you call to locate the right information. Just picking the first number you can find to call and then ask us to connect you is not an acceptable mode of operation.
10. And (what I hope is)a lasting note, when we send things addressed to your student, it is for them and not for you. When you open their mail for them you are committing a federal offense.
1. We, who work here every day; would love if you would take the time before hand to call the campus and determine where you can park when you arrive. While parking is delighted to cut you a ticket, we are not so delighted to have what few places are available to us taken up by your fat-assed SUV.
2. We realize it is a very confusing and potentially scary time (even for you, especially for you) but you need to recall that your excitement is not an excuse to not pay attention to street signs. Every college town is full of pedestrians and your driving the wrong way on a one way street puts them in danger.
3. Yes, we know, there has never been anyone more beautiful, talented, amazing, intelligent, special, super duper, likely to succeed than your child. This does not make them exempt from the rules and requirements for any reason whatsoever.
4. We are not baby sitters. We are not tutors (unless specified as such). We are not here to guarantee that your child gets up to go to class on time, eats right, or does their homework. And we are certainly not here to ensure your kids get straight As and get into Law School. Let us do our jobs and have some faith in your child-rearing capabilities.
5. Guess what? Sometimes your kids don't do all that stuff I mentioned in #4. Guess whose fault it is? IT'S YOUR KID'S FAULT! No one makes them go out and party, ignore their homework, drink, smoke, and/or play ultimate frisbee in a rain storm instead of going to bed. When they screw up, let them screw up. You're not doing them any favors by calling a Dean to try and get your child excused from missing a test because the poor dear didn't study because they were stayed up at a party.
And let me take a moment to also talk about what paying the bills does and doesn't get you. If you are funding your child's education, more power to you. As the one with the money, you have the right to submit or withdraw that assistance as you see fit, because that is your money. HOWEVER, this does not give you the right to make decisions about who your child makes friends with, where and how they spend their time, or what they decide to do in the future. That you are paying the bills also does not give you automatic rights to their information because whether you like it or not, when they hit eighteen they are LEGALLY considered to be "adults". They may not act it for another five years or so, but the rest of us are bound by law to get their permission before we can talk to you.
6. When your child fails or is failing a class, that is not the time to start calling professors and demanding to see their grade books. Failing happens, let them fail. They learn a lot faster that way. The only thing you teach them when you don't allow them to fail is that you will do everything for them their whole life, and they don't really need to try because mommy and daddy will save them if something goes wrong.
And by the way, if you are not financially solvent enough to support them failing, don't blame us.
7. Separation anxiety is normal. Some of us have kids ourselves and we understand this. This does not give you license to unload these anxieties on us when you call. Reign in the verbal diarrhea because it doesn't make us any more sympathetic; it makes us annoyed.
8. Things don't always go as planned and on rare occasions, it is not your child's fault. And while we know you wish to protect and defend your child's well being/honor, this does not give you license to threaten, scream, shout, or otherwise verbally abuse us over the phone or in person. Leeringly mentioning that you're a lawyer, doctor, psychologist, etc. and are going to serve us legal papers unless we comply with your demands is tantamount to a mafia shake down and it's not the best way to get things straitened out.
9. Our time is precious too. And our job is to serve your student, not you. Don't waste it by not taking the ten or so minutes before you call to locate the right information. Just picking the first number you can find to call and then ask us to connect you is not an acceptable mode of operation.
10. And (what I hope is)a lasting note, when we send things addressed to your student, it is for them and not for you. When you open their mail for them you are committing a federal offense.