Strange Days
So much for SCA stuff. Not sure if I'll be able to get back into it. There are a lot of things that are up in the air right now. Going through a divorce. Well, "dissolution" technically. I'm not bitter about it, and I'll spare the details.
Anyway, I've already spent half of the month I will be staying with my brother and sis-in-law here in Fairfax VA. It's given me time to untangle my mental clutter and let go of some things. It's also given me a chance to think about what I want to do with my life, and what I want for myself in the future. Even though I'm still not sure how things will go, I at least have a small seed of confidence and potential that will grow into... something.
My bro and sis have been more than kind to me in letting me stay here, as stress-free as possible. Sis took me out for a nice hair cut and some clothes, and has even been wanting to get me a new pair of glasses, all while trying to plan for a new house and taking care of lots of little girls (all my nieces). I hope she understands my grattitude in all this. I'm terrible at expressing it I think, but it's there.
I see the little things that my brother does for his wife, and I want that from someone some day. And I want to DO that some day. I don't hate or regret my time with 86, but I see how this separation could benifit both of us. I just wish that it could have gotten better instead of ending. But it didn't. I can't make someone stay in a relationship who does not want to be there, and I can't trap myself in a relationship that keeps me stagnant. I wish us both the best of luck, and hope we can be happy again some day even though it won't be together.
I love all our friends who have been neutral and unblaming through this. I never wanted this to turn into a shit storm, and so far it hasn't (and I don't think it will.) It's been one hell of a lesson in patience, understanding, and letting go.
Anyway, I've already spent half of the month I will be staying with my brother and sis-in-law here in Fairfax VA. It's given me time to untangle my mental clutter and let go of some things. It's also given me a chance to think about what I want to do with my life, and what I want for myself in the future. Even though I'm still not sure how things will go, I at least have a small seed of confidence and potential that will grow into... something.
My bro and sis have been more than kind to me in letting me stay here, as stress-free as possible. Sis took me out for a nice hair cut and some clothes, and has even been wanting to get me a new pair of glasses, all while trying to plan for a new house and taking care of lots of little girls (all my nieces). I hope she understands my grattitude in all this. I'm terrible at expressing it I think, but it's there.
I see the little things that my brother does for his wife, and I want that from someone some day. And I want to DO that some day. I don't hate or regret my time with 86, but I see how this separation could benifit both of us. I just wish that it could have gotten better instead of ending. But it didn't. I can't make someone stay in a relationship who does not want to be there, and I can't trap myself in a relationship that keeps me stagnant. I wish us both the best of luck, and hope we can be happy again some day even though it won't be together.
I love all our friends who have been neutral and unblaming through this. I never wanted this to turn into a shit storm, and so far it hasn't (and I don't think it will.) It's been one hell of a lesson in patience, understanding, and letting go.