(no subject)
How long can this go on?
I have become pretty good at managing myself. Life goes on somehow. Rationally, my life is great. I have my work, and I have my play. My rationality is fighting my emotions every step of the way. It is telling me that lots of people want what I have I should be thankful. It warns me to keep everything in order, don't pull any shit, or I might lose it all.
Emotion says hang it all, how about my gender confusion?
Rationality says its very stupid. I have hair growing in the wrong places. Clothes don't fit me well at all; I have the wrong body shape. Most of all, I have a dick. My hair is in a mess. Why bother? Its just going to make things bad, very bad. Hair shadow on the face, voice problem? Even in this day and age, though we say equality, women can be mistreated. Haven't I thought what worse name-calling you would get? My dignity might be non-existant.
Its funny, rationality, you are playing on my fears.
Not so. Some of the people who've loved you most couldn't really cope with it. They ignored it, and it even broke at least one of them - before you argue, emotion, it was your fault anyway. You wanted to be loved, that you obscured rationality. You failed to notice the obvious conditions. Love. Such a loaded word. I used to think it just meant that its pure and simple, no expectations, just about giving. The more I give, the more I have, for both are infinite. It takes a lot to keep going, and I can't really cope with expectations. I always give all I have. Its not enough though.
Now I find myself here. Time and time again I've said that I don't care / That I'm immune to gloom and I'm hard through and through / But everytime it happens all my words desert me / And anyone can hurt me, and they do. It would seem that the world isn't really ready for a girl like me. If ever I went out, which toilet should I use? All these rational problems.
Its funny. Most girls have a monthly cycle. My cycle is that I crash every now and then, and then I try to pick up the pieces of my life and clean up. Repeat. Emotions hope that I edge closer to peace.
Have I said too much? There is nothing more I can think of to say to you...
I have become pretty good at managing myself. Life goes on somehow. Rationally, my life is great. I have my work, and I have my play. My rationality is fighting my emotions every step of the way. It is telling me that lots of people want what I have I should be thankful. It warns me to keep everything in order, don't pull any shit, or I might lose it all.
Emotion says hang it all, how about my gender confusion?
Rationality says its very stupid. I have hair growing in the wrong places. Clothes don't fit me well at all; I have the wrong body shape. Most of all, I have a dick. My hair is in a mess. Why bother? Its just going to make things bad, very bad. Hair shadow on the face, voice problem? Even in this day and age, though we say equality, women can be mistreated. Haven't I thought what worse name-calling you would get? My dignity might be non-existant.
Its funny, rationality, you are playing on my fears.
Not so. Some of the people who've loved you most couldn't really cope with it. They ignored it, and it even broke at least one of them - before you argue, emotion, it was your fault anyway. You wanted to be loved, that you obscured rationality. You failed to notice the obvious conditions. Love. Such a loaded word. I used to think it just meant that its pure and simple, no expectations, just about giving. The more I give, the more I have, for both are infinite. It takes a lot to keep going, and I can't really cope with expectations. I always give all I have. Its not enough though.
Now I find myself here. Time and time again I've said that I don't care / That I'm immune to gloom and I'm hard through and through / But everytime it happens all my words desert me / And anyone can hurt me, and they do. It would seem that the world isn't really ready for a girl like me. If ever I went out, which toilet should I use? All these rational problems.
Its funny. Most girls have a monthly cycle. My cycle is that I crash every now and then, and then I try to pick up the pieces of my life and clean up. Repeat. Emotions hope that I edge closer to peace.
Have I said too much? There is nothing more I can think of to say to you...