here lately.

[kudosya117]

Have you ever had the feeling that you have nothing to look forward to? There's been something happening in my mind lately; everything is numb. For a while nothing has seemed real. I haven't updated because I don't see the point anymore, I'm dreaming, and when I wake up, this won't exist anyway right? I keep trying to think about how things were before i felt that way, and i am constantly trying to mimick the way i was then. Is that possible? I feel like somewhere along the way, i fell asleep and i haven't been able to wake up.
It's not my friends, or my boyfriend. I don't think it's family either. It's just me. I can't focus on anything- don't get me wrong, i've never been one to stay on track anyway- but even now, as i write this, i'm not saying exactly what i want to say because i can't get to that spot in my mind where the words are... am i even making sense?

stephanie's feet are dirty.

see what i mean? i can't do it. now seems like it is the wrong time to try and explain how i've been. I'm just trying to fucking wake the fuck up. i feel like i need to breathe a new kind of air. something is wrong. and it feels so much like it is only going to get worse. i have the feeling like i don't have anything to look forward to. i already said that. but i know that's not what i mean.