Crack!Fic Meme: Part 1
Crack!Fic: Claire Bennett/Dan Rydell
Dan scanned the nearly empty subway car for what felt like the hundredth time. He would never get tired of it. The ability to people-watch, to enjoy the peace and freedom of “riding the rails” was all just a part of his New York Renaissance. It was that time again and he just couldn’t get enough of the city.
“That was the last stop. Why are you still on the subway?” A small blonde girl interrupted his reverie.
“Hi Pot, nice to meet you. I’m Kettle.”
She looked a little embarrassed and turned away as she spoke. “Ok, fine. Sorry to bother you.”
“No. No. I’m sorry. I’m having a New York Renaissance.”
“A New York Renaissance?”
He motioned with his hands as he responded, “This is just the greatest city in the world. Every once in a while I feel the need to celebrate that.”
“So you ride around on the subway with no purpose? There must be plenty of other places in New York that you can enjoy more.”
“I like the ferry. I like the Chrysler building. I like Madison Square Gardens.”
“Hmm…”
“Why, what would you choose?”
“Kirby Plaza” She said it so quickly and with such vigor that he was tempted to ask more.
“Didn’t a helicopter explode last week near there?”
“… Yeah.”
“Lucky no one was hurt.”
She smiled broadly then and Dan was thrown even further into confusion. “Yeah. Lucky no one was hurt.”
---
As the train approached a station a few minutes later, the girl rose from her seat and smiled at him. “Enjoy your New York Renaissance. I’m enjoying mine.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crack!Fic: Julian Sark/Lorelai Gilmore
“I love Europe.”
“Me too,” Rory agreed in earnest.
“I love it more than my Spice Girls necklace and my Hello Kitty lampshades put together.”
“A strong statement. Care to back it up?”
Lorelai turned to face her daughter with pure mischief in her eyes. “I love Europe because the booze is better, the accents are infinitely more mockable and I get to be here with my favourite daughter.”
“You say that to all your daughters.”
“But you’re the only one I’ve ever taken to Europe with me.”
“Fine.”
“Wanna know what else I love about Europe?”
“What?”
“It’s going to be so much easier to sneak my underage kid into a bar here!”
“Put that on the next postcard to Grandma.”
---
“That guy is totally checking you out Mom.” Rory pointed at a blonde man holding a tall pint of beer.
“Stop it with the pointing!” Lorelai whispered harshly.
“I think you should go talk to him,” said Rory, unperturbed. “He’s yummy and European.”
“I am not leaving my daughter alone at a bar.”
“I’ll be fine. I promise to keep one hand over my drink and the other on my pepper spray.”
“That’s my girl.”
---
Rory watched as Lorelai came sashaying through the crowd toward her only 10 minutes later.
“Details?”
“Just as hot up close, British accent, not much for small talk.”
“And?”
“He didn’t laugh at my Mr. Bean bit.”
“So he’s a dud? Too bad.”
“Just as well. He looked kind of dangerous. I almost thought I saw a gun in his pocket.”
Lorelai paused and she and her daughter shared a quick look before exclaiming in tandem, “Dirty!”------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crack!Fic: Peter Petrelli/Robert Chase
“House can’t just trade me to another department.”
“Apparently he can. It’s only for a day.”
“But-“
“-stop whining. Emergency has a staff shortage. House was told to send someone. He’s sending you.” Foreman didn’t even look up over his paper as he cut Chase off.
A pout appeared as Chase responded. “This is just because he hates me.”
“Probably.”
---
Down in the emergency room the scent of antiseptic invaded Chase’s nose. He hated emergency. He hated the frenetic pace and the noisiness that never seemed to end. He hated seeing people come in on stretchers with… was that a pool cue through that guy’s skull?
Chase hurried over, glad to take a case where he could waste some time pronouncing time of death in a quiet room. He signed for the body from the paramedics once they got to the curtained area.
The man on the gurney could only be described as pretty. Even with a crater in the side of his skull and dried blood clinging to his hairline, he was pretty. Fighting the bizarre urge to smooth down the mess of bangs hanging over the corpse’s eye, Chase pulled out his paperwork and a pen. He wished he had thought to snag House’s mini TV.
Check for pulse. Still non-existent.
Check for any sign of brain activity. None.
Check the pool cue. Looser than he thought.
He fiddled with the broken edge of the cue absently, paying closer attention when he saw a movement. It was a twitch. The natural result of moving an object buried in the nervous system of a recently deceased person. As he eased the now loose cue out of the gaping hole, Chase made a note of the time. He could fill out his paperwork and make sure there was some excuse as to why he had to remove the cue (that had honestly been creeping him out).
It was when the huge wound started to seal itself and he heard the first intake of breath from the body that he decided that the cue was now pretty low on the creepy list.
The corpse turned its head and gasped out “Claire.” Within 30 seconds it was… he was sitting up and trying to struggle off the bed.
“Sir. Sir!”
“Where’s Claire? Where am I?”
“The hospital sir. Can you please lie back down. I have to call a nurse.” Chase was worried he would have to physically restrain the patient soon and protocol gave no mention as to how to deal with dead guys who wanted to leave.
The man peered closely at his nametag before replying. “I’m sorry Dr. Chase. I really can’t. I have to get going. But thank you for helping me out with… Anyway, thanks.” Before Chase could open his mouth to insist on treatment, the man was gone. Vanished into thin air. Chase could only collapse against the stool and try not to faint.
---
He could imagine trying to explain this case to House.
“Well he spontaneously came back to life and healed himself. Then he disappeared before I could get a medical history.”
“What?”
“He spontaneously came ba-“
“-I got that part. I’m ignoring it. You didn’t even take a medical history?”
“No.”
“Get a name?”
“No.”
“Get an age?”
“No.”
“Weight?”
“No.”
“Anything?”
“He was pretty?”
Dan scanned the nearly empty subway car for what felt like the hundredth time. He would never get tired of it. The ability to people-watch, to enjoy the peace and freedom of “riding the rails” was all just a part of his New York Renaissance. It was that time again and he just couldn’t get enough of the city.
“That was the last stop. Why are you still on the subway?” A small blonde girl interrupted his reverie.
“Hi Pot, nice to meet you. I’m Kettle.”
She looked a little embarrassed and turned away as she spoke. “Ok, fine. Sorry to bother you.”
“No. No. I’m sorry. I’m having a New York Renaissance.”
“A New York Renaissance?”
He motioned with his hands as he responded, “This is just the greatest city in the world. Every once in a while I feel the need to celebrate that.”
“So you ride around on the subway with no purpose? There must be plenty of other places in New York that you can enjoy more.”
“I like the ferry. I like the Chrysler building. I like Madison Square Gardens.”
“Hmm…”
“Why, what would you choose?”
“Kirby Plaza” She said it so quickly and with such vigor that he was tempted to ask more.
“Didn’t a helicopter explode last week near there?”
“… Yeah.”
“Lucky no one was hurt.”
She smiled broadly then and Dan was thrown even further into confusion. “Yeah. Lucky no one was hurt.”
---
As the train approached a station a few minutes later, the girl rose from her seat and smiled at him. “Enjoy your New York Renaissance. I’m enjoying mine.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crack!Fic: Julian Sark/Lorelai Gilmore
“I love Europe.”
“Me too,” Rory agreed in earnest.
“I love it more than my Spice Girls necklace and my Hello Kitty lampshades put together.”
“A strong statement. Care to back it up?”
Lorelai turned to face her daughter with pure mischief in her eyes. “I love Europe because the booze is better, the accents are infinitely more mockable and I get to be here with my favourite daughter.”
“You say that to all your daughters.”
“But you’re the only one I’ve ever taken to Europe with me.”
“Fine.”
“Wanna know what else I love about Europe?”
“What?”
“It’s going to be so much easier to sneak my underage kid into a bar here!”
“Put that on the next postcard to Grandma.”
---
“That guy is totally checking you out Mom.” Rory pointed at a blonde man holding a tall pint of beer.
“Stop it with the pointing!” Lorelai whispered harshly.
“I think you should go talk to him,” said Rory, unperturbed. “He’s yummy and European.”
“I am not leaving my daughter alone at a bar.”
“I’ll be fine. I promise to keep one hand over my drink and the other on my pepper spray.”
“That’s my girl.”
---
Rory watched as Lorelai came sashaying through the crowd toward her only 10 minutes later.
“Details?”
“Just as hot up close, British accent, not much for small talk.”
“And?”
“He didn’t laugh at my Mr. Bean bit.”
“So he’s a dud? Too bad.”
“Just as well. He looked kind of dangerous. I almost thought I saw a gun in his pocket.”
Lorelai paused and she and her daughter shared a quick look before exclaiming in tandem, “Dirty!”------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crack!Fic: Peter Petrelli/Robert Chase
“House can’t just trade me to another department.”
“Apparently he can. It’s only for a day.”
“But-“
“-stop whining. Emergency has a staff shortage. House was told to send someone. He’s sending you.” Foreman didn’t even look up over his paper as he cut Chase off.
A pout appeared as Chase responded. “This is just because he hates me.”
“Probably.”
---
Down in the emergency room the scent of antiseptic invaded Chase’s nose. He hated emergency. He hated the frenetic pace and the noisiness that never seemed to end. He hated seeing people come in on stretchers with… was that a pool cue through that guy’s skull?
Chase hurried over, glad to take a case where he could waste some time pronouncing time of death in a quiet room. He signed for the body from the paramedics once they got to the curtained area.
The man on the gurney could only be described as pretty. Even with a crater in the side of his skull and dried blood clinging to his hairline, he was pretty. Fighting the bizarre urge to smooth down the mess of bangs hanging over the corpse’s eye, Chase pulled out his paperwork and a pen. He wished he had thought to snag House’s mini TV.
Check for pulse. Still non-existent.
Check for any sign of brain activity. None.
Check the pool cue. Looser than he thought.
He fiddled with the broken edge of the cue absently, paying closer attention when he saw a movement. It was a twitch. The natural result of moving an object buried in the nervous system of a recently deceased person. As he eased the now loose cue out of the gaping hole, Chase made a note of the time. He could fill out his paperwork and make sure there was some excuse as to why he had to remove the cue (that had honestly been creeping him out).
It was when the huge wound started to seal itself and he heard the first intake of breath from the body that he decided that the cue was now pretty low on the creepy list.
The corpse turned its head and gasped out “Claire.” Within 30 seconds it was… he was sitting up and trying to struggle off the bed.
“Sir. Sir!”
“Where’s Claire? Where am I?”
“The hospital sir. Can you please lie back down. I have to call a nurse.” Chase was worried he would have to physically restrain the patient soon and protocol gave no mention as to how to deal with dead guys who wanted to leave.
The man peered closely at his nametag before replying. “I’m sorry Dr. Chase. I really can’t. I have to get going. But thank you for helping me out with… Anyway, thanks.” Before Chase could open his mouth to insist on treatment, the man was gone. Vanished into thin air. Chase could only collapse against the stool and try not to faint.
---
He could imagine trying to explain this case to House.
“Well he spontaneously came back to life and healed himself. Then he disappeared before I could get a medical history.”
“What?”
“He spontaneously came ba-“
“-I got that part. I’m ignoring it. You didn’t even take a medical history?”
“No.”
“Get a name?”
“No.”
“Get an age?”
“No.”
“Weight?”
“No.”
“Anything?”
“He was pretty?”