I don't even know what I'm saying
Today I had a conversation with a coworker that struck very close to home. It all started with talking about "chick flicks," and why I don't like them. My theory has always been that they are an inaccurate way of portraying relationships, that in real life people will never chase you through thick and thin or wait for you as long as you need them to, or deal with your problems lovingly and happily, or care for you when you're sick or injured or buy you things just because they're thinking of you. That's not how reality works, and that's what I told him.
And he told me he believes that you CAN have that, and will, if it's meant to be. You shouldn't expect it, but it's there if it's perfect.
And I thought about it, and realized that maybe I'm beginning to believe again. It's been on my mind a lot lately, about whether a relationship can truly last, based on pure and complete love, whether you can find someone completely right for you without having to sacrifice what you want or who you are. Whether love can stand the test of time. Whether the fairy-book stuff is real.
I know it's silly, and I know I've been talking about it a bit because I've been thinking about it a LOT. And hoping. And really, I don't have any of the answers but what I DO know is people are so scared of love, and comfort, and being close to another person. It's like television and Sex and the City and everything else has made us afraid to be open with each other and made us scared to be intimately close to one another because it's "creepy" and "uncomfortable."
But is it okay to lavish someone with attention? With gifts? Just because you love them? Is it okay to fall completely head over heels and be okay with that? Why does it feel like people are judging you when you say you love someone? I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm even saying anymore, but what I do know is I want to believe it can be real, I want to believe that there's someone out there that's completely perfect for me, who will hold me when I'm sad and not make fun of me when I'm silly, who will drive half an hour to see me when I'm sad, who will watch all my favorite movies with me just because he's interested in everything about me and listen to me rant about that really hard boss in the bottom of the Ayleid Ruins of Oblivion ... just because he loves me. I want to believe that can be real.
Crossposted from my Dreamwidth at http://tarnished.dreamwidth.org/
And he told me he believes that you CAN have that, and will, if it's meant to be. You shouldn't expect it, but it's there if it's perfect.
And I thought about it, and realized that maybe I'm beginning to believe again. It's been on my mind a lot lately, about whether a relationship can truly last, based on pure and complete love, whether you can find someone completely right for you without having to sacrifice what you want or who you are. Whether love can stand the test of time. Whether the fairy-book stuff is real.
I know it's silly, and I know I've been talking about it a bit because I've been thinking about it a LOT. And hoping. And really, I don't have any of the answers but what I DO know is people are so scared of love, and comfort, and being close to another person. It's like television and Sex and the City and everything else has made us afraid to be open with each other and made us scared to be intimately close to one another because it's "creepy" and "uncomfortable."
But is it okay to lavish someone with attention? With gifts? Just because you love them? Is it okay to fall completely head over heels and be okay with that? Why does it feel like people are judging you when you say you love someone? I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm even saying anymore, but what I do know is I want to believe it can be real, I want to believe that there's someone out there that's completely perfect for me, who will hold me when I'm sad and not make fun of me when I'm silly, who will drive half an hour to see me when I'm sad, who will watch all my favorite movies with me just because he's interested in everything about me and listen to me rant about that really hard boss in the bottom of the Ayleid Ruins of Oblivion ... just because he loves me. I want to believe that can be real.
Crossposted from my Dreamwidth at http://tarnished.dreamwidth.org/