lately
Lately... things have just been horrible in stroudsburg. There's a cloud of unhappiness that's just lingering over this town. And I know why. It's because of the snow melting. It's so depressing. Everything is muddy and ugly and brown. Everyone's cars are dirty. And the only snow that's left is the piles along the sides of the roads that are black and filled with cinders and dirt. It's disgusting. And bitter cold. There's the kind of cold that nips at your nose and makes your cheeks rosy red, and you can blow steam out your mouth if you wanted to. And then there's the kind of cold that just sends a chill down your spine, and you can put on 5 layers and it still gets through somehow, to give you a chill. The cold we're in now i'd say is the latter of the two. Nature really sucks this time of year, and there are times where nature is the only beautiful thing we have, when it seems like the world's got a stick up its ass, and you just want to take it easy and relax and enjoy your life. But nature isnt very relaxing this time of year, it just kind of sucks.
I dont know. All my friends are going through a lot of shit. And i feel like i should be doing something more to help them. I mean, i try. But it's not enough to me... I think the thing i cant seem to come to grips with is that there are bad things in life, and sometimes you cant sugar coat it. Sometimes you can't make it better. I really have nothing to complain about. I'd be a total jerk if i said my life sucked. But i kind of wish i wasnt so happy. I feel like it's not fair. I wish i could suffer, i mean, really suffer. I'm this coddled little baby, who is happy with his perfect little life. Who am i to go around loving the life i'm given, when there's people who cant walk, or cant read, or vote. So many miseries around the world. And i havent been touched by ONE. Am I lucky? fuck yes. Is that fair? fuck no. I feel like a 20-something nobody who inherited his daddy's multi-million dollar business, and is happy solely because nothing is going wrong in his life, and he's just a lucky guy. I'd like to see how happy i'd be when something bad happens to me. I'd like to see if I put "life is good" in my away messages, or happy, peaceful songs about discovering life in my Journal. Do you understand now? I'm happy because i'm lucky. Not because i've seen a lot of misfortune, but can still manage to love life.
anyway. Jonathan just brought me down some jello. I havent had jello in so long. I love jon so much. He's probably the best thing in my life. He makes me smile when i need it, just because he has an absolutely pure outlook on life. And he's a character too. God i love that kid so much, i cant wait to graduate college so we can be roomates in some apartment or something, and then he'll live with me and my family someday... and we'll grow old and gray and happy.
life is weird. I wish i could say life is good. but it's not. Life has its ups and downs. And i'd like to take this moment to apologize to everyone less fortunate than me. I'm so sorry, and it's not fair. It's just not fair, and it pisses me off as much as it does you.