In which Ben asks "Why do I bother?"
Yesterday was the last day at my former job for two employees: myself, and a therapist.
She got a farewell luncheon thrown by a chunk of the clinical supervisory staff, and attended by one or two of the administrators. It was offsite, and lasted about two hours, maybe a little more.
I got a card, signed by four people.
After asking three times yesterday morning about whether the company who would be replacing me with on call techs on an as-needed basis would be sending any techs for a last minute brain-drain, only to be told three times that, no, the guys from that company would be starting on Monday, I made plans for my Last Day's Work that did not involve having techs shadow me ... only to have two of them show up an hour after the last 'no', and stay for the rest of the day.
And here's the thing: these guys aren't pikers. They're good. Good enough that they were able to take some donated second-hand switches I had left lying around for lack of time to do anything with them and rewire our entire backbone for more efficiency, with gigabit switches feeeding the servers, NAS, printers, and a few administrative and executive workstations, then chaining to some hundred megabit switches to feed the rest of the network. It took them about three hours. On their first day.
Of course, here's the other part of that: They were able to do this because I was still handling my Last Day's Work, which involved all the little time-draining crap that comes up from users. You know, little things like making table changes to our client services database, doing a complete set of upgrades and reinstalls on the EDI software our billing clerk uses to make sure Medicaid pays us, and then teaching her septuagenarian self how to use the totally new software interface. Redoing entire chunks of network security because two users who have always had the backing of the Powers That Be to have just-shy-of-administrator-level-access decided to create folders where they shouldn't be and won't let me move them. Going through the fifteen unused workstations piled up on or under my workbench to tag each and every single one so that the ones we need to preserve for legal purposes get preserved and the others can be tossed back into the salvage pile. "Oh, Ben, and do an inventory on the parts on each one while you're at it." Fighting with a vendor trying to do business with us but unable to get us email because they claim our server is at fault even though our server logs show no record of any mail server affiliated with them even knocking on its virtual door. Inventorying all the dead notebooks to set aside what can be tossed, what can have parts pulled, and what can be repaired. Playing IM-tag with the website developer revamping our website while running around the place getting last minute approval on text changes. Troubleshooting two busted cell phones. Tracking down the user who has somehow accumulated three notebook PCs and four cell phones because she's had two other positions folded into hers and arranging for return of company assets and consolidation of the data thereon. Resetting the channels on our network of WAPs because the Sheriff's substation next door has decided to use the same channel for theirs and, of course, have multiple layers of bureaucracy their IT staff has to go through whereas I just have me.
I just have me. Did you get that? Did you hear the way that sounded? The piteous way it rolls trippingly off the tongue?
I just have me. I think that's important to note.
Having always been a one-man team, with nobody to watch my back, and no ability to turn down user requests or even to delay them for longer than strictly necessary, I have always been stretched pretty thin. Especially when you consider that I have always been limited by my employer's resources, and willingness to spend these resources.
These guys? Had me running interference for them. They have brand new Dell Vostros, the support of their parent company with all the bells and whistles and licensing and sure-here-let's-spend-that-money-to-train-you-on-Windows-Server-2008-and-pay-for-your-CCNA. They work for a company that has done business with our new CEO before and have an automatic trust credit with her on spending money.
I spent 26 months doing that job. I did it well. I kept a company's meager IT resources running without spending a dime more than I had to for those 26 months. I did it despite having 8 different supervisors, at least one of whom was allegedly embezzling dollars and deliberately running me in circles to prevent me from noticing anything, no budget to speak of, and permanent crisis mode for the last 14 of those months. I gave people same day service on problems. I was there at 4am when I had to be. I was there until 10pm when I had to be. I don't remember the last weekend in which I did not spend at least 4 hours at the office or connected remotely from home to do maintenance and troubleshooting to keep problems away from my users and keep the information flowing soundly. On Mother's Day 2007, when some punk kid in our now-defunct residential unit decided to sabotage the sprinkler systems so he could flood the joint and force all the kids to be evacuated home to their mommies for the holiday, I was there from O'Dark'Thirty in the morning until well after sundown, evacuating and testing machines, moving furniture, and moving fallen chunks of wet wall plaster with my bare hands.
But this will not be remembered. What will be remembered is that these guys -- who are wonderful techs and I will never say otherwise, and in fact, ironically, I was briefly an acting supervisor to one at another company years ago -- came in in one day and 'fixed the network'. Because who doesn't always complain about slow network speeds? It will not be remembered that they had the luxury of doing this because they were not doing anything else. It will not be remembered they had all the advantages of my job -- adminstrator access I was forced to give them before I was even out the door -- plus the advantages of tools I could never afford and direct access to the CEO for quick decisions which I had explicitly been denied for the past few months, plus me running interference for them.
Now, a few of my more well meaning friends have already said 'Fuck 'em, they didn't deserve you'. A few of my more callous friends have used this to teach me an object lesson ... you know, shit like "I could have told you so," or even, in one case, "I did tell you so."
You know what? That's nice. It's nice that you think they didn't deserve me. It's nice that you had foreknowledge of my future and I didn't listen to you, apparently. It's wonderful that everyone knows better than me about how the last 26 months of my life have been a complete waste.
In the end, that doesn't *change* the fact that she got a luncheon.
And I got a card. And one hug from our receptionist on my way out the door, with my backpack slung over my slumped shoulders.