epiphany
I have determined that I am not "cool."
I was never in the "cool" crowd in school. (Okay, I was during senior year of high school and freshman year of university, but that had more to do with being blonde and attractive than anything, and it sucked and I didn't like it and I stopped hanging out with said crowd after that.)
I don't like "cool" things. I'd rather listen to classical music or jazz than anything on the radio. I'm currently reading "Wuthering Heights" for leisure. I read and publish poetry. I don't like dance clubs because they give me a headache. Half the time, I'd rather read or do something on my own than be social. I don't drink because it makes my stomach hurt, and I don't smoke cigarettes. I haven't found a hookup for weed here in London, so I don't do that either, and when I do, I'd usually rather space out and listen to music and write than hang out with anyone. I have no talent for colour-matching or fashion, really, especially since my body isn't the societal 12-year-old-boy norm... no one likes boobs and hips anymore. And even if they did, I still wouldn't be able to dress more complexly than my current preppy look. I'm so into my jeans-or-khakis-or-black-pants-and-a-nice-shirt look that even my goddamn City of Heroes character wears jeans.
I like solitude. I get intimidated by groups of people my own age; I prefer adults. When I do hang out with people, I'd rather sit in a pub with my school friends talking about systems of government than go out and dance or get drunk or do stupid shit. I don't like doing stupid shit, never have. I'm really quite a goody-goody.
This isn't a bitch, really. Nor is it even necessarily negative. It's just a realization: according to the terms of Western society today, I am not cool.
And I think I'm okay with that.
I was never in the "cool" crowd in school. (Okay, I was during senior year of high school and freshman year of university, but that had more to do with being blonde and attractive than anything, and it sucked and I didn't like it and I stopped hanging out with said crowd after that.)
I don't like "cool" things. I'd rather listen to classical music or jazz than anything on the radio. I'm currently reading "Wuthering Heights" for leisure. I read and publish poetry. I don't like dance clubs because they give me a headache. Half the time, I'd rather read or do something on my own than be social. I don't drink because it makes my stomach hurt, and I don't smoke cigarettes. I haven't found a hookup for weed here in London, so I don't do that either, and when I do, I'd usually rather space out and listen to music and write than hang out with anyone. I have no talent for colour-matching or fashion, really, especially since my body isn't the societal 12-year-old-boy norm... no one likes boobs and hips anymore. And even if they did, I still wouldn't be able to dress more complexly than my current preppy look. I'm so into my jeans-or-khakis-or-black-pants-and-a-nice-shirt look that even my goddamn City of Heroes character wears jeans.
I like solitude. I get intimidated by groups of people my own age; I prefer adults. When I do hang out with people, I'd rather sit in a pub with my school friends talking about systems of government than go out and dance or get drunk or do stupid shit. I don't like doing stupid shit, never have. I'm really quite a goody-goody.
This isn't a bitch, really. Nor is it even necessarily negative. It's just a realization: according to the terms of Western society today, I am not cool.
And I think I'm okay with that.