I miss my home.
"But Katie," you may protest, "You're at your home! How can you miss it when you're there?"
::Warning, this entry contains very little literary element, but carries a SHIT TON O' BITCHING. Thank you.::
Because, my dear scrumpets, I know I will have to go back to that PLACE soon. Okay, so maybe I'm overreacting. Heidelberg's not a PLACE. It's just a place. That happens to be a dreaded place for me right now. Coming home this long weekend has made me realize how much I miss Columbus and how much I could really care less about Heidelberg College.
I'm what most people would consider "unconventional". I know, probably like everyone else in the world with something to say. I know I'm not special in the sense that I have individual aspirations. I just kind of feel like I need to tone down my individuality at Heidelberg for fear of gathering negative attention. I've been called a freak enough in my life, thank you very much.
Not that Columbus is much more accepting of that sort of thing. It caters to the Yuppies, I will admit. But at least all I get from them is an uneasy stare rather than a judgmental one. And I know where to go where I will NOT be judged. At Heidelberg, I feel very exposed, like everyone knows your business and there are very few hiding places. I feel safe with my friends, in their company, but other than that, not even my room feels safe from judgement half the time. Not my roommate, my roommate's friends. They're all popular types that seem to avoid eye contact with me when they come to see my roommate.
I need to learn to stop caring so much about what people think of me. My friends in high school were all so chill about themselves and I feel like I'm the only one whose like "no....I can't dye my hair, what'll Dad say?" or "what will the consequences of my self-expression be today?" when I really shouldn't give a damn what my peers think of me.
I'm thinking of going to the Community College next year. Just for a year, since it's a 2-year program, then transferring to someplace new. Maybe on the east coast. I don't know. Maybe I will stay at Heidelberg, if the people and the programs begin to impress me. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm hiding from certain people and avoiding things. All I have to do is keep my GPA up and all will be well.
::END BITCHFEST::
On another note, I have to figure out what I'm going to write for NaNoWriMo. I just got an idea today that may work right now, it's not my principal idea, but I'll type it out and see if anything comes of it:
The whole premise is sort of a murder mystery loosely based on my ideal death. Morbid, yes, but if I have to die, I'm going out with a bang, dammit. And that's sort of the deal with that.
The other idea was The Vampire Novel, which was something I tried last year, but it fell apart for a number of reasons. The whole idea is sort of contrived and overdone, yes. But I wanted to do sort of a fantasy-realism working of it. It'd sort of have to walk the line of fantasy and realism, but the ideas have stewed for a year. It almost has to happen. The idea won't leave me be.
If I get any more ideas, I'll keep you all posted and possibly put up chapters come November once I make my decision.
OH! And if you think my original novel has .01% of a chance of success for....I don't know. Completion. Looking at it a year later it, I see it does need some polishing, but hey. Critique the hell out of it. I need it.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/32454356/?qo=5&q=by:ragdollface&qh=sort:time -in:scraps
::Warning, this entry contains very little literary element, but carries a SHIT TON O' BITCHING. Thank you.::
Because, my dear scrumpets, I know I will have to go back to that PLACE soon. Okay, so maybe I'm overreacting. Heidelberg's not a PLACE. It's just a place. That happens to be a dreaded place for me right now. Coming home this long weekend has made me realize how much I miss Columbus and how much I could really care less about Heidelberg College.
I'm what most people would consider "unconventional". I know, probably like everyone else in the world with something to say. I know I'm not special in the sense that I have individual aspirations. I just kind of feel like I need to tone down my individuality at Heidelberg for fear of gathering negative attention. I've been called a freak enough in my life, thank you very much.
Not that Columbus is much more accepting of that sort of thing. It caters to the Yuppies, I will admit. But at least all I get from them is an uneasy stare rather than a judgmental one. And I know where to go where I will NOT be judged. At Heidelberg, I feel very exposed, like everyone knows your business and there are very few hiding places. I feel safe with my friends, in their company, but other than that, not even my room feels safe from judgement half the time. Not my roommate, my roommate's friends. They're all popular types that seem to avoid eye contact with me when they come to see my roommate.
I need to learn to stop caring so much about what people think of me. My friends in high school were all so chill about themselves and I feel like I'm the only one whose like "no....I can't dye my hair, what'll Dad say?" or "what will the consequences of my self-expression be today?" when I really shouldn't give a damn what my peers think of me.
I'm thinking of going to the Community College next year. Just for a year, since it's a 2-year program, then transferring to someplace new. Maybe on the east coast. I don't know. Maybe I will stay at Heidelberg, if the people and the programs begin to impress me. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm hiding from certain people and avoiding things. All I have to do is keep my GPA up and all will be well.
::END BITCHFEST::
On another note, I have to figure out what I'm going to write for NaNoWriMo. I just got an idea today that may work right now, it's not my principal idea, but I'll type it out and see if anything comes of it:
The whole premise is sort of a murder mystery loosely based on my ideal death. Morbid, yes, but if I have to die, I'm going out with a bang, dammit. And that's sort of the deal with that.
The other idea was The Vampire Novel, which was something I tried last year, but it fell apart for a number of reasons. The whole idea is sort of contrived and overdone, yes. But I wanted to do sort of a fantasy-realism working of it. It'd sort of have to walk the line of fantasy and realism, but the ideas have stewed for a year. It almost has to happen. The idea won't leave me be.
If I get any more ideas, I'll keep you all posted and possibly put up chapters come November once I make my decision.
OH! And if you think my original novel has .01% of a chance of success for....I don't know. Completion. Looking at it a year later it, I see it does need some polishing, but hey. Critique the hell out of it. I need it.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/32454356/?qo=5&q=by:ragdollface&qh=sort:time -in:scraps