My Love is sleeping, while I'm here
Jason and I had a disagreement last night. We talk a lot and I pride our relationship on communication. Well, I used to....I used to think we were really good at communicating to each other how we felt or how our days went. We talk constantly, so how can there be a gap?
Most of our disagreements are over us not fully understanding what the other said and taking it the wrong way. We have our days were we miscommunicate every time we open our mouths...to the point where I say "lets just not talk tonight because we aren't understanding each other". I don't say it in a bad way, although it sounds bitchy right now, I say it because I don't want it to get into an argument. I don’t want to fight with him. He's done nothing to fight about...maybe that's why I use disagree when referring to our 'fights'.
Toward the end of me yelling and getting upset, I just cleared the table (what a nice dinner it was) and did the dishes, then proceeded to clean the apartment. I just had to do something and I didn't want him near me. That's how it went for about an hour in a half. Hmm, let me try to explain why the disagreement happened in the first place....
I just got home from school. On these days I wake up at 4:30am, to leave the house by 5:20am, go to school all day till 4:40pm, and maybe make it home between 6 or 7pm. I was out all day, on my way home I started thinking about how much I Love Jason, How much I appreciate my ring, and about my future (that's another post). I just wanted to get home to start looking up jobs online, eat dinner, then get the Save The Date cards labeled. But, I came home, put my stuff down and was in my own world for a while when I heard the dishes clanging. Jason was putting the dishes away while making dinner.
I asked "Do you need help?" But, by that time he was already done. I guess I tuned most of the clanging out because of my brain going a million miles an hour. After that, I noticed he was a little quiet but he normally is when work it tough. So, I asked him what was wrong, "Nothing" he said, Ok...a couple mins later I asked him again because I thought he was mad at me for not emptying the dishes, again "nothing". Ugh.
Well, it turns out he was a little upset that I didn't empty the dishwasher but he tried to cover it up because he knows I didn't know it needed to be emptied. And when I heard what he was doing I had every intention to get up to help him but, he was done already. I don't know why I tuned out the dishes, but I didn't do it to be a lazy ass, I just had a list of things I wanted to get done that night. So, this is where the disagreement starts.
I tried to explain that it wasn't on purpose. He tried to explaine that it would have been nice while he was cooking. OK, this is where we get stuck. I guess I heard that he was upset that I'm not doing anything around the apartment. Which got me really upset, so my voice got louder to see if he wasn't listening to the fact that it wasn't intentional. Then it got even more louder when he was apologizing but then restating, what I think, to be his opinion on why he is right.
Cut to an hour in a half later and now the apartment looks damn good! I hate fighting with him, It's just that sometimes I feel like he doesn't listen (which is why I start yelling) fully to what I'm saying or how I'm feeling. Along with the apology I just wanted some sort of acknowledgement about how I felt about the whole situation. Is that so hard? That's all I want when we have these times of miscommunication. I don't need to hear over and over your point of view, I know what it is and last night, I totally understood where he was coming from. But, just him saying "I am hearing your point of view and I can understand where you are coming from...somethingsomethingsomething" Make sense?
On his side he said that he's worried that I yell (I do. I try not to and I'm getting better). He also told me that he was tired and he had a stressful day at work and he had to come home, get the mail, cook dinner, and empty the dishwasher when all he wanted to do was relax. UGH! Why didn't you say that when I asked "what is wrong", twice! I didn't know he didn't like getting the mail, so I've always left it for him. In reality I guess he gets excited about receiving mail, not the actual process of picking it up. On stressful days he doesn't want to come home and cook. I never knew that! I always thought he liked cooking, that's why he's done it. I told him I'm fine with him not cooking if he doesn't want to...I can eat a frozen dinner or cerial.
Why was he keeping those feelings locked inside? I talk to him every day, a billion times a day, when he comes home I can usually tell when it was a bad day and we snuggle or hug a lot, then he will usually tell me about it...but, never has he said I don't have the energy to cook tonight. Where has our communication gone?
Ok, I know it's not "gone" but now I'm scared about the gap getting bigger. After a night like that you know who was in my dream trying to get me back? YUP, Fred! And why? Because he lied, he never communicated to me anything. Which lead to years of a double life and cheating. I know Jason would never cheat on me, but if we stop communicating who knows who he will find to open up to. I told him we need to talk more. And that I talked to Phil about a marriage councelor....hmmm, I don't think that's what it was...Those PreMarriage Classes. I think they will be good to go to. I told Phil I want to learn more about God, Marriage, and Jason. Jas told me to get the information and we will talk about it, it wouldn't happen till next year anyways because I have no free time right now. I hope it helps! Maybe he can teach us different ways to talk to each other. That's a big one!
Most of our disagreements are over us not fully understanding what the other said and taking it the wrong way. We have our days were we miscommunicate every time we open our mouths...to the point where I say "lets just not talk tonight because we aren't understanding each other". I don't say it in a bad way, although it sounds bitchy right now, I say it because I don't want it to get into an argument. I don’t want to fight with him. He's done nothing to fight about...maybe that's why I use disagree when referring to our 'fights'.
Toward the end of me yelling and getting upset, I just cleared the table (what a nice dinner it was) and did the dishes, then proceeded to clean the apartment. I just had to do something and I didn't want him near me. That's how it went for about an hour in a half. Hmm, let me try to explain why the disagreement happened in the first place....
I just got home from school. On these days I wake up at 4:30am, to leave the house by 5:20am, go to school all day till 4:40pm, and maybe make it home between 6 or 7pm. I was out all day, on my way home I started thinking about how much I Love Jason, How much I appreciate my ring, and about my future (that's another post). I just wanted to get home to start looking up jobs online, eat dinner, then get the Save The Date cards labeled. But, I came home, put my stuff down and was in my own world for a while when I heard the dishes clanging. Jason was putting the dishes away while making dinner.
I asked "Do you need help?" But, by that time he was already done. I guess I tuned most of the clanging out because of my brain going a million miles an hour. After that, I noticed he was a little quiet but he normally is when work it tough. So, I asked him what was wrong, "Nothing" he said, Ok...a couple mins later I asked him again because I thought he was mad at me for not emptying the dishes, again "nothing". Ugh.
Well, it turns out he was a little upset that I didn't empty the dishwasher but he tried to cover it up because he knows I didn't know it needed to be emptied. And when I heard what he was doing I had every intention to get up to help him but, he was done already. I don't know why I tuned out the dishes, but I didn't do it to be a lazy ass, I just had a list of things I wanted to get done that night. So, this is where the disagreement starts.
I tried to explain that it wasn't on purpose. He tried to explaine that it would have been nice while he was cooking. OK, this is where we get stuck. I guess I heard that he was upset that I'm not doing anything around the apartment. Which got me really upset, so my voice got louder to see if he wasn't listening to the fact that it wasn't intentional. Then it got even more louder when he was apologizing but then restating, what I think, to be his opinion on why he is right.
Cut to an hour in a half later and now the apartment looks damn good! I hate fighting with him, It's just that sometimes I feel like he doesn't listen (which is why I start yelling) fully to what I'm saying or how I'm feeling. Along with the apology I just wanted some sort of acknowledgement about how I felt about the whole situation. Is that so hard? That's all I want when we have these times of miscommunication. I don't need to hear over and over your point of view, I know what it is and last night, I totally understood where he was coming from. But, just him saying "I am hearing your point of view and I can understand where you are coming from...somethingsomethingsomething" Make sense?
On his side he said that he's worried that I yell (I do. I try not to and I'm getting better). He also told me that he was tired and he had a stressful day at work and he had to come home, get the mail, cook dinner, and empty the dishwasher when all he wanted to do was relax. UGH! Why didn't you say that when I asked "what is wrong", twice! I didn't know he didn't like getting the mail, so I've always left it for him. In reality I guess he gets excited about receiving mail, not the actual process of picking it up. On stressful days he doesn't want to come home and cook. I never knew that! I always thought he liked cooking, that's why he's done it. I told him I'm fine with him not cooking if he doesn't want to...I can eat a frozen dinner or cerial.
Why was he keeping those feelings locked inside? I talk to him every day, a billion times a day, when he comes home I can usually tell when it was a bad day and we snuggle or hug a lot, then he will usually tell me about it...but, never has he said I don't have the energy to cook tonight. Where has our communication gone?
Ok, I know it's not "gone" but now I'm scared about the gap getting bigger. After a night like that you know who was in my dream trying to get me back? YUP, Fred! And why? Because he lied, he never communicated to me anything. Which lead to years of a double life and cheating. I know Jason would never cheat on me, but if we stop communicating who knows who he will find to open up to. I told him we need to talk more. And that I talked to Phil about a marriage councelor....hmmm, I don't think that's what it was...Those PreMarriage Classes. I think they will be good to go to. I told Phil I want to learn more about God, Marriage, and Jason. Jas told me to get the information and we will talk about it, it wouldn't happen till next year anyways because I have no free time right now. I hope it helps! Maybe he can teach us different ways to talk to each other. That's a big one!