To the right instead of left
To the right instead of left
Pairing : implied Banglo
Rating : M for violence
Warning! death
To the right instead of left
That one time I ate a salad at the little Italian restaurant in downtown, I guess I shouldn’t have.
Not at that time, not at that place at least.
If I’d known what it was going to lead to I probably would have turned on my heel and walked straight back to my brothers.
Back to the dorm, make a left instead of a right and avoid what was going to happen but I didn’t know.
And I am stupid and cocky.
I went to the Italian restaurant in downtown again.
Alone, because the others didn’t like it there, because sometimes they were just too busy so I didn’t even ask anyone to join me.
In the end it might be better this way because I get to think and I think I am blank.
I feel sorry for my hyungs, for being a maknae they can’t be proud off, for causing nothing but trouble.
So I go out alone a lot of times, so they won’t have to see me, so I won’t disturb them.
I leave the restaurant, the cute waitress bows and waves at me but I don’t bow back.
I pull the hood over my head and walk down the street, the longer route, making a right at the intersection.
It’s raining heavily, the rain splatters on the street and big puddles build in the holes of the asphalt.
My shoes get soak but I don’t care.
The emptiness in my chest is suffocating me and the lump in my throat is hard to ignore.
I purposely bump into this hulk on the street that is obviously drunk and swaying on his feet.
I feel no fear.
I look straight into his face, he’s not as old as I thought he’d be but those dark circles underneath his eyes make him look at least five years older than his real age.
I snap at him and he snarls back at me.
I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
An empty shell that is waiting to be filled with something, any emotion that would prove my existence not to anyone else but merely to myself.
I know exactly what I need and how to make myself feel.
I stretch my hands out and push him.
He stumbles back a little; not expecting me to come at him like that.
He’s taller than me, how rare.
He’s fixing me with his eyes and I stare back.
-Come on I can tell you’re pissed-
I snort at him and turn around to walk away.
The insides of my pockets are still warm, not yet drenched by the rain.
My steps are slow.
- One… -
I can hear him brushing off his clothes, straightening them after my shove.
I try to glance past my hood but all I see is soft blue cotton.
-Two…-
His soles squeak on the wet ground as he steps after me.
The streetlight next to me gives off a buzzing sound, the light flickers.
-Three-
His hand grabs my shoulder and he spins me around, his fist comes crashing towards my face but I dodge his punch.
He looks puzzled.
I grab his arm that is still on my shoulder; clench my hand around his wrist tightly.
My mind goes blank and a smirk crosses my lips.
My foot crashes into his stomach and he collapses as easy as a match.
I can feel myself puffing.
I’m not exhausted.
I’m thrilled.
The streetlamp keeps flickering and it’s utterly silent.
The sound of rain echoes in my ears accompanied with the hollow sound of my blood rushing through them.
I clench my fists and crack my neck.
He’s back on his feet again and he’s coming at me.
His fist swings through the air and I’m too late to duck it.
I feel my skin rip from the impact of cold metal on his finger.
A ring.
The taste of iron overtakes my mouth and I drown in the moment.
All I can hear is the raging beat of my heart that threatens to burst my chest.
-There-
I start to circle around him and he follows suit and so we circle and circle like dogs and I see his eyes narrow and his nostrils flaring.
I can feel the heat boiling in my body.
My limbs are trembling with excitement and he dashes forward, trying to grab me by the shoulder again but I slide to the left and he’s stumbling.
A smile graces my lips.
-That’s it -
My fist swings through the air the sound of cracking bones under my knuckles slices the silence.
I’m panting, nothing is clear, all buildings and trees melted into a blurry mess in front of my eyes but still I’ve never seen clearer in my life.
I can feel this, I can feel the heat inside of me, I can feel my body, and I feel myself.
In the corner of my eye I notice a metallic glint in his hand but I don’t pay attention.
I’m already in for another attack.
I get to grab his hair with both hands and I headbutt him.
He stumbles backwards shaking his head, his hand pressed against his temple.
My head is ringing too but I ignore it.
The rush of adrenaline in my blood is too thrilling.
I need this.
I want this, feeling, anything, just feeling.
The blood rushing through my veins and my raging heartbeat I consume it like a drug addict.
I lick my lips.
-Ready?-
I shift my weight onto my right leg, kick with the left one and hit his head.
He’s swaying.
I back off again and spit the blood on the floor that has filled my mouth.
I wipe my lips with my sleeve and keep eyeing him.
He rushes towards me again and I try to step back but he’s too fast.
I feel him crash into my body.
Something’s not right.
The pain takes over my body, crawls through my bones and my breath hitches.
Cold, warm whatever it is.
My knees hit the floor; he stands above me his hand grabbing a fist full of my hair.
My head is yanked back forcing me to look at him.
My vision is blurry.
-I can’t see you fuckhead-
Pain spreads through my face when his fist lands in it, perfectly positioned and strong.
I’m being jerked backwards.
My elbow bruises as it hits the rough floor.
I don’t even feel the pain of my head hitting the abrasive surface.
The sick bastard walks off, I can tell by the noise of his heels on the asphalt getting faint.
I lay flat on my back the rain is hitting my face, each drop stings like a needle.
What is this pain in my belly?
It’s suffocation.
I suck air into my lungs but choke on it.
I cough and shake and try to catch my breath again.
The air fills my lungs regularly as I draw small, shallow breaths.
It’s so cold all of a sudden.
I hear a shrill, high pitched noise howling in the distance.
Is it sirens?
Someone’s yelling.
-My name?-
There’s someone coming for me, I think I can feel the floor vibrating under their steps.
Are they running?
Why in such a hurry? Is it that bad?
My head drops to the side, it hurts to keep it straight.
The floor feels weird on my cheek there is no gravel sinking into it my torn skin, it isn’t cold or wet.
Then I realize I never hit the floor, someone is holding my head.
I can feel them slapping my cheek but my eyes are too heavy to see who it is.
Mumbling.
-You got to talk louder I can’t hear you-
A piercing pain raids my belly and drives through my bones.
Something is pressing against my body causing me to scream in pain.
I can’t hear it; silence is all that leaves my mouth, the numbness in my ears is blurring the noise.
My eyes open, just a little.
Did they really? It’s so hard to tell, it’s all dark.
I can feel someone bending over me.
I force my eyes open just a little more, I want to see.
-What a painful expression that person makes-
The others mouth is wide open, his hair swings left and right as he shakes his head.
He’s yelling but I can’t hear anything.
Was he yelling before too?
I blink and the blur dissolves for a second.
A slight note of comfort enchants my chest.
I know who this is I can tell by his eyes, only one person looks at me like that.
With so much warmth in the brown depth of their eyes as if I’m worth something.
-It’s Gukkie-
I smile at him.
He doesn’t smile back.
He’s shaking me and I feel dizzy.
My eyes are heavy and about to fall shut again but I want to see his face.
Just a little more, a little longer that’s enough.
I concentrate on focusing my eyes.
-Let me see his face please-
And then I can see him for merely a second.
His brows are furrowed, he’s biting his lips, his eyes seem despaired as he keeps looking at me and then scans through the distance, searching for something that doesn’t seem to be there.
I see strains of blood on his face.
-Are you hurt?-
The echo of rain faints.
It must have stopped raining.
My eyes fall shut again, I can hear the sound of my heart, throbbing faint and uneven.
I can feel warmth on my cheeks.
-His hands?-
My body feels heavy, so heavy and I’m tired.
It’s so cold but he’s so warm.
His breath puffs against my face.
-So close-
There’s something soft on my lips.
-What a nice feeling-
The warmth spreads though my body, I can feel it tingle over my skin.
I should ask him to do that more often.
He’s rocking me a little.
I want to chuckle but I can’t find the strength to do so.
-I’m not a kid-
Something hits my cheek a wet drop and another, bursting as they hit my skin.
Has it started raining again?
I’m so tired.
-Let’s go home Gukkie-
And then the rain is gone and Yongguk is gone and I am gone as well.
The only thing left is silence and darkness.