I just want a real boy!
Okay...so right now I'm in this boat that I've never been in before. It's so weird for me. So I have this X number of guys that are friends/ acquaintances. I guess they are more like acquaintances since they don't really know me and have spent maybe a few hours with me total. And these guys call me....on the weekends, when they go out or are just bored maybe or just treat me as a booty call, at five in the morning, drunk phone calls, whatever. For me this is new...and at first the attention was exciting. I mean, it is nice to think that at least someone is attracted to me...or that they find me amusing or whatever. But now I am sad thinking of their intentions. Are they sincere? Probably not. What is their agenda? To take me for an innocent picnic? I think not. Do they remember anything about me at all other than what I look like? Do they remember me or my short short, halter top image? If they were sincere then they would have said, "You know, I want to get to know you better...I want to spend time with you." I'm tired of the late night phone calls. I'm tired of the, "hey I met you downtown last night" type of phone calls. I think maybe I am growing up. I'm beginning to be attracted to people I never would have really considered myself being with. And it's funny because the old me would have thought that I was lowering my standards. But stupid old me didn't know that it actually works the other way around. And by opening my mind and my heart, not just my eyes, I think I can finally begin to make the right decisions. Every girls wants a real boy but gets distracted by the pseudo ones that act like they really care when they don't. For once...just ONCE, I want to go out on a date. I want to go get coffee and talk for hours. I want to see him time and time again and not kiss him until that one pivotal perfect moment. I want innocence...I want that tingle that I haven't felt in so long. Where is that bliss that I used to know so well? Where is that look in the other person's eyes that makes me dizzy? Where is that drowning feeling where you are absorbed, immersed, drowning in the other person? It exists because I have been there...so where is it? I know where the pseudo ones are, they are so easily obtainable, provide happiness for about five seconds, and move on. I want a real one, and that isn't too much to ask, so I won't even bother asking if it is.