This is funny
Booty Call Application
Name___________________
Age____
Phone(____)___-____
Occupation________________________________
Height_____( if you're not at least 6'0...stop here) Weight______
Gender(M/F)___
Married(Y/N)__ Single(Y/N)__ Other_________
How often (check appropriate answer)
Daily__ Weekly__ Monthly__ As much as possible__
How long can u last (check appropriate answer)
1min __ 15min__ 30min__ 1hr__ All nite__
Do u like giving oral sex(Y/N)__
Which do u prefer (check appropriate box)
One on one__ Doubles__ Group__
While having sex, what do u do (check all appropriate answers)
Faint__ Cry__ Moan__ Wiggle__ Twist__ Jerk about__ Pant__ Sweat__ Scream__ Hum__ Whistle__ Just lie there__
Go to sleep__ Watch tv__ Read__ Think of someone else__ ?
List three positions u like:
1._____________________
2._____________________
3._____________________
What is ur preferred pace (check appropriate answer)
Slow__ Fast__ Very fast__ Rigorous__
When is the best time to reach u (check appropriate answer)
Morning__ Afternoon__ Nite__
How late can u stay out (check appropriate answer)
11-12am__ 1-2am__ all nite__
Any talent or skills(Y/N) if so, list :
Do you like role play?
Applicant? signature________________________________ Date__________________
PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
This pre-booty call Agreement (hereinafter referred to as "The Agreement") is entered into on this ___day of ______________, 20 __, and by____________________, (hereinafter referred to as the Participant) between ____________________, (hereinafter referred to as the "Holder of 'The Agreement'") and ____________________ (Participant). This Agreement shall cover the following rules and principles for the Participant:
1. No sleeping over!! Unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 pm. We don't have anything to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" stuff, only mind-blowing sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions!! I.e. where are we heading with this? Do you love me?
The answer is "no", so don't even ask.
6. No plans made in advance. That is why you are called "the backup." Unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted! money is always good.
8. No baby talk- however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers... it's really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other friends with privileges. We are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK. Don't be offended, you mean no less to me than you did before.
12. No extra clothing!! I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex!! It's over so get your ass up and go home.
14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it. I don't care!!
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone of the opposite sex asks who you are, the standard response will be "My roommates girlfriend/boyfriend."
17. Doggie style preferred. Just hit it hard and right or get the Hell out! (Reason: The less eye contact the better. I don't want to look at you.)
18. We are to hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes me, so stop calling!
19. Bring your own drink-I am not your liquor store.
20. No phone use, please! I don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.
21. ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING TFP'S REQUEST
*Extra tip for successful booty calls: The holder of the Agreement may only alter the aforementioned rules. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of the Agreement, it will automatically become null and void. The Participant will then be removed from the "Possible Future Relationship List" and given minimal Booty Call privileges, and cut off from any communications unless first initiated by the holder of this Agreement. If further violations of the Agreement occur the Participant will be deleted from phone memory, email list, and blocked from all communications until the Participant's silly ass understands the rules.
Participant: Holder of the "Agreement":
Signature: ____________________ Signature: ____________________
Date: ____________________ Date: ____________________