READ THIS
Hey. Okay, everyone needs to stop yelling at each other and myself and READ THIS. I'm going to attempt to describe what's going on in my head right now. Everyone is right about something, but many of you are wrong about a lot of things. You are NOT me and cannot speak for me and don't know what I am thinking.
Reflecting on earlier in the year, a similar situation occurred. Except the other town was victimized. I was trying to hang out with my Wakefield friends because I never saw them. But I pushed my Reading friends aside thinking things would be fine once the school week began again. I was wrong. As much as I was enjoying hanging out with my Wakefield friends, things didn't feel right. I was being left out from my friends in Reading, and that was kinda difficult at times in school, and hearing them talk about their weekends.
So I tried to fix it. I began trying to make time for both towns. And I think it worked for a few weekends. But then I really dunno what happened. The Junior Prom rolled around and the trip to Florida in April (I was very stressed and busy, mind you). In May, I began to realize that I really wanted to make a lot more time with my Wakefield friends. I spent I dunno one Saturday night with my Wakefield friends in that month, and like an hour with them on a Sunday night (Memorial Day weekend) while I was at my friend, Kim's house, and I wasn't gonna ditch them. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. And that's in the past. I wanted my Wakefield friends to meet my Reading friends, but Kim's mom was going to bed and Kim already had a bunch of people in her basement. I wasn't going to go against her wishes and bring in people into her house, even though I wanted to. And I'm sorry that my Wakefield friends think that my Reading friends hate them. That's not the case.
I began to realize that my Wakefield friends were angry at me. I wanted to fix it, but it seemed that whenever (maybe once or twice) we tried to hang out it fell through. I began to felt guilty, and decided to apologize on this stupid LiveJournal. HUGE MISTAKE. There are now more than 15 comments concerning this issue, either hurting or defending me. All I can do is sit there, read the comments, and want to cry. In fact, I did cry, a lot on Saturday. I called Kate, my best friend, and talked to her about it. I didn't even know what to tell her. Because I know that words can't fix it, and that's the worst feeling ever. I couldn't even explain it to my own best friend. And I wish I could.
I made a mistake. I am now aware that I cannot budget my time well at all. Between school and my job, I can't even divide my time between two groups of friends. It sounds easy, but it's not. I tried to make the time equal, but I dunno what happened. I cannot even explain, so don't ask me for the reasons. I wish I could though. If I could go back in time, I would fix all of this. But I don't have a time machine. God friggin forbid. I am only seventeen years old. Almost a senior. I have a lot of things to learn. This is one of them. I am also not perfect, because I am a human being. You all are. One thing I did think was that I thought my friends were understanding and always there for me. Even in times apart. My Reading friends were able to give me a second chance, and to you, I say thanks.
All I want in my life right now is my second chance with my Wakefield friends. For the record, don't EVER say that I don't care about Kate. That's what upsets me the most out of this. She's my best friend and we have a special bond that I never want to break. And if she thinks I almost did, I'm sorry. But it feels like it's 100% my fault. But think, when is the last time you tried to invite me somewhere? Admit that you don't invite me to everything. I'm fine with that. And it's chance that I'm busy whenever you want to be with me. For that I'm sorry for committing my time to other people first. I tried to make things equal, but everything got messed up, and now I'm left not knowing what to do.
And to everyone that wrote disgarding comments to me: if you really valued our friendship, you wouldn't say those things to me, especially to my face. The Internet allows us to be cowards and say whatever we want without thinking twice. Many of you don't know my Reading friends, so don't judge them. And to whoever wrote mean things to my Wakefield friends: I apologize for them. They just understand how I feel and how upset I am about it, and they don't mean to hurt anyone. But since they care about me, they will say whatever to defend me. If I wasn't upset, I wouldn't be crying this very moment.
I made a mistake, and I apologized. I now understand that it's not easy to forgive and forget. I never thought that people would think I was the biggest meanie ever born for making one mistake that I deeply regrets and would fix in a heartbeat if I could. But if you want to be my friend, be patient. With time (you won't be waiting long, promise), if you give me the time of day, I will SHOW you how much I care and never want to lose any of my friends. I hope that you can get a sense of how I feel. Thanks for your time, and I hope that the best can evolve from a sitation that seems so gloomy.
I love each and every one of you with all my heart (remember that).
*~Katie
Reflecting on earlier in the year, a similar situation occurred. Except the other town was victimized. I was trying to hang out with my Wakefield friends because I never saw them. But I pushed my Reading friends aside thinking things would be fine once the school week began again. I was wrong. As much as I was enjoying hanging out with my Wakefield friends, things didn't feel right. I was being left out from my friends in Reading, and that was kinda difficult at times in school, and hearing them talk about their weekends.
So I tried to fix it. I began trying to make time for both towns. And I think it worked for a few weekends. But then I really dunno what happened. The Junior Prom rolled around and the trip to Florida in April (I was very stressed and busy, mind you). In May, I began to realize that I really wanted to make a lot more time with my Wakefield friends. I spent I dunno one Saturday night with my Wakefield friends in that month, and like an hour with them on a Sunday night (Memorial Day weekend) while I was at my friend, Kim's house, and I wasn't gonna ditch them. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. And that's in the past. I wanted my Wakefield friends to meet my Reading friends, but Kim's mom was going to bed and Kim already had a bunch of people in her basement. I wasn't going to go against her wishes and bring in people into her house, even though I wanted to. And I'm sorry that my Wakefield friends think that my Reading friends hate them. That's not the case.
I began to realize that my Wakefield friends were angry at me. I wanted to fix it, but it seemed that whenever (maybe once or twice) we tried to hang out it fell through. I began to felt guilty, and decided to apologize on this stupid LiveJournal. HUGE MISTAKE. There are now more than 15 comments concerning this issue, either hurting or defending me. All I can do is sit there, read the comments, and want to cry. In fact, I did cry, a lot on Saturday. I called Kate, my best friend, and talked to her about it. I didn't even know what to tell her. Because I know that words can't fix it, and that's the worst feeling ever. I couldn't even explain it to my own best friend. And I wish I could.
I made a mistake. I am now aware that I cannot budget my time well at all. Between school and my job, I can't even divide my time between two groups of friends. It sounds easy, but it's not. I tried to make the time equal, but I dunno what happened. I cannot even explain, so don't ask me for the reasons. I wish I could though. If I could go back in time, I would fix all of this. But I don't have a time machine. God friggin forbid. I am only seventeen years old. Almost a senior. I have a lot of things to learn. This is one of them. I am also not perfect, because I am a human being. You all are. One thing I did think was that I thought my friends were understanding and always there for me. Even in times apart. My Reading friends were able to give me a second chance, and to you, I say thanks.
All I want in my life right now is my second chance with my Wakefield friends. For the record, don't EVER say that I don't care about Kate. That's what upsets me the most out of this. She's my best friend and we have a special bond that I never want to break. And if she thinks I almost did, I'm sorry. But it feels like it's 100% my fault. But think, when is the last time you tried to invite me somewhere? Admit that you don't invite me to everything. I'm fine with that. And it's chance that I'm busy whenever you want to be with me. For that I'm sorry for committing my time to other people first. I tried to make things equal, but everything got messed up, and now I'm left not knowing what to do.
And to everyone that wrote disgarding comments to me: if you really valued our friendship, you wouldn't say those things to me, especially to my face. The Internet allows us to be cowards and say whatever we want without thinking twice. Many of you don't know my Reading friends, so don't judge them. And to whoever wrote mean things to my Wakefield friends: I apologize for them. They just understand how I feel and how upset I am about it, and they don't mean to hurt anyone. But since they care about me, they will say whatever to defend me. If I wasn't upset, I wouldn't be crying this very moment.
I made a mistake, and I apologized. I now understand that it's not easy to forgive and forget. I never thought that people would think I was the biggest meanie ever born for making one mistake that I deeply regrets and would fix in a heartbeat if I could. But if you want to be my friend, be patient. With time (you won't be waiting long, promise), if you give me the time of day, I will SHOW you how much I care and never want to lose any of my friends. I hope that you can get a sense of how I feel. Thanks for your time, and I hope that the best can evolve from a sitation that seems so gloomy.
I love each and every one of you with all my heart (remember that).
*~Katie