(no subject)
LJ sometimes isn't the best place to write about bad feelings or to air grievances, therefore I'll avoid the specifics.
Suffice to say though, I think it's important to remember what I'm thinking right now.
Over the past two days I've been really pissed off, with a number of feelings (hurt, anger, annoyance, embarrassment) directed towards a few people. I'm not use to actually feeling pissed off for an extended period over time (i.e. over 2hrs), so this is a bit of a learning experience.
Usually I'd link my foul mood to my own clouded judgement and subsequent cognitions and behaviours, especially since I've had a number of negative experiences in a row. It kind of indicates that it's more about me than about them. And usually this would be accompanied by a niggling feeling that, even though I'm trying to fight against acknowledging that I'm wrong, indicates that I should be taking part of the blame. But these times I actually feel fairly clear-headed (not that I don't need to take any blame, there's definitely some blame on me).
So I'm faced with the dilemma.. Do I forgive and move on (and also change my behaviour to cause less conflict in future) OR do I communicate what I am actually feeling (when I run the risk of hurting other people's feelings)?
If nothing, these past few days have been a catalyst for examining the way I relate to the world and people so that I can improve my own behaviour. But, alas, I'm still left with the aforementioned dilemma.. and do either of those options really resolve the issue?
In the meantime I'm working on the premise that I'm far to old, and life is far too short, for me to be pissed off. I don't want to miss out on the rest of life. Like laughing at YouTube.
What I painted on the wall today; A tree planted in a pot can only grow so tall. So plant me in the rich ground of love and identity so that I may grow tall and strong, a being of infinite potential. All I ask is that you don't label me with gay, wrong or can't. And in return we will make a forest.
Suffice to say though, I think it's important to remember what I'm thinking right now.
Over the past two days I've been really pissed off, with a number of feelings (hurt, anger, annoyance, embarrassment) directed towards a few people. I'm not use to actually feeling pissed off for an extended period over time (i.e. over 2hrs), so this is a bit of a learning experience.
Usually I'd link my foul mood to my own clouded judgement and subsequent cognitions and behaviours, especially since I've had a number of negative experiences in a row. It kind of indicates that it's more about me than about them. And usually this would be accompanied by a niggling feeling that, even though I'm trying to fight against acknowledging that I'm wrong, indicates that I should be taking part of the blame. But these times I actually feel fairly clear-headed (not that I don't need to take any blame, there's definitely some blame on me).
So I'm faced with the dilemma.. Do I forgive and move on (and also change my behaviour to cause less conflict in future) OR do I communicate what I am actually feeling (when I run the risk of hurting other people's feelings)?
If nothing, these past few days have been a catalyst for examining the way I relate to the world and people so that I can improve my own behaviour. But, alas, I'm still left with the aforementioned dilemma.. and do either of those options really resolve the issue?
In the meantime I'm working on the premise that I'm far to old, and life is far too short, for me to be pissed off. I don't want to miss out on the rest of life. Like laughing at YouTube.
What I painted on the wall today; A tree planted in a pot can only grow so tall. So plant me in the rich ground of love and identity so that I may grow tall and strong, a being of infinite potential. All I ask is that you don't label me with gay, wrong or can't. And in return we will make a forest.