tonight really put things in perspective
Tonight I heard Audrey Nelson speak about her book You Don't Say: Navigating Nonverbal Communication Between the Sexes. It was one of those situations where someone says something that seems so intuitive once you actually stop to think about it. I really gained some new perspective about how I can improve communication with both sexes. There were so many things that I never really thought about but once she brought them up I was like oh wow that is so true.
She had us do an exercise where you were partnered up and one person stood still and the other approached until the person standing still said stop. The point of this exercise was to show that women generally stood the closest to other women, while men and women stood a farther distance from one another and men stood the farthest away from other men. The point of it was to show that men are far more homophobic than women in our society. This can also be seen in the fact that men are generally much more guarded in their conversations with one another compared to women. I can remember countless trips where my mom would have a convo with a stranger somewhere and find out about their kids, age, job etc and my dad is just like how did you know all that.
One thing I've heard before but had forgotten until recently was that when men listen to a problem they are trying to solve it, while women are looking more for feelings and emotions when they listen. This made me think of conversations with my Dad. I realize now that he wasn't trying to be an ass but he just naturally was inclined to fix things. I didn't always need someone to go fix it though. Sometimes you just need someone to listen. I also understand now why Jake was so frustrated when he felt like he could not help me with my negative thinking.
One point she brought up that really hit home was that women have a tendency to say one thing but their non verbal cues mean another thing. I realize that I've done this quite a bit in the past out of fear. I think it is harder for women to be asssertive because if we speak our minds we risk being called a bitch. I've seen both men and women label women as bitches for speaking their minds.
I think tonight was very valuable because it made me really reflect on a lot of my relationships.