thoughts.
i didn't realize house sitting would actually involve so much sitting.
i am exponentially bored.
having so much time to wrestle with my own thoughts isn't real fun, either.
the only things that have kept me sane/not creeped out in an old, unfamiliar house these last few days are my hours long conversations with the dude every evening and a couple of good books.
but now he's leaving for idaho for a few days ( but we have a sushi date for when he returns =D ) and the books i bought yesterday almost finished. already.
i guess it's a good thing i have internet here, but in a way it kind of bites because i find myself wasting so much time on it that i kind of want to die.
having gone without internet for the past two weeks was actually really refreshing. it's been really nice to talk to some people while here, but that's about it.
i'm actually looking forward to going back home and not having access to this.
and people can call me if they really want to talk.
i'm really confused right now about where i'm going to live.
i told mitch the other day that it was a definite no go on living with him and the guys...
but then jeanette told me that stacie is moving out, and that she and dana want me to move back in and take her place.
it sounds like the perfect set up, but i have problems making decisions.
lynchburg livng is fun and exciting and adventurous, and the midwest has proven to be significantly less exciting, but part of me tells me i should just wait it out because things are going to get awesome.
and then i think back on the 18 years i spent in minnesota, and how none of it was as awesome as lynchburg.
i do enjoy my friends here, it's just that...i'm 2 and a half hours away from them anyway, so i won't get to see them hardly at all.
no one's willing to drive out here, and when i drive out there; people aren't available anyway.
and then there's this thing with this guy, which is progressing and he's great and i do like him...
and i don't want to bail out on that whole thing too early because it could be something really wonderful.
not to mention the financial security i have while living at home, and all the money i'll be able to save up if i do end up interning for IC in the spring...and for my trip to europe.
if i moved back to lynchburg and had to start paying for rent, utilities, food, and car insurance all over again...i wouldn't have any extra money to do much else.
i also can't forget that lynchburg really really sucked sometimes, and it wasn't all mountain hikes and awesome parties and good conversation and good coffee at the white hart.
but, mostly, it was great. especially towards the end. i can't remember ever feeling so simultaneously happy and sad as on the night i left...
because i was with some of the best people i've ever known and having the time of my life.
i just don't know what to do.
i need prayer for clarity, and for my eyes to be opened to any of the doors God may be opening for me.
i just feel so at a loss right now.
i certainly don't want to be in rice lake, wisconsin....but it's the most responsible thing for me to do.
but not everyone is called to just be responsible, and responsibility has never really stopped me in the past and i turned out okay.
for now, i will just wait, i suppose. it's all i can do.
i'll get a shitty job that doesn't mean much and make some money until i figure out what the hell i'm doing and where i'm going.
and hey, i'm here for a reason. i don't know what that is, but this is where i landed. every place i've been at has given me something and helped me grow. so, i have to believe that it will happen here, too.
things have a way of working themselves out. it'll happen and i won't have to doubt.
i still haven't seen the new harry potter movie. unacceptable.
i am exponentially bored.
having so much time to wrestle with my own thoughts isn't real fun, either.
the only things that have kept me sane/not creeped out in an old, unfamiliar house these last few days are my hours long conversations with the dude every evening and a couple of good books.
but now he's leaving for idaho for a few days ( but we have a sushi date for when he returns =D ) and the books i bought yesterday almost finished. already.
i guess it's a good thing i have internet here, but in a way it kind of bites because i find myself wasting so much time on it that i kind of want to die.
having gone without internet for the past two weeks was actually really refreshing. it's been really nice to talk to some people while here, but that's about it.
i'm actually looking forward to going back home and not having access to this.
and people can call me if they really want to talk.
i'm really confused right now about where i'm going to live.
i told mitch the other day that it was a definite no go on living with him and the guys...
but then jeanette told me that stacie is moving out, and that she and dana want me to move back in and take her place.
it sounds like the perfect set up, but i have problems making decisions.
lynchburg livng is fun and exciting and adventurous, and the midwest has proven to be significantly less exciting, but part of me tells me i should just wait it out because things are going to get awesome.
and then i think back on the 18 years i spent in minnesota, and how none of it was as awesome as lynchburg.
i do enjoy my friends here, it's just that...i'm 2 and a half hours away from them anyway, so i won't get to see them hardly at all.
no one's willing to drive out here, and when i drive out there; people aren't available anyway.
and then there's this thing with this guy, which is progressing and he's great and i do like him...
and i don't want to bail out on that whole thing too early because it could be something really wonderful.
not to mention the financial security i have while living at home, and all the money i'll be able to save up if i do end up interning for IC in the spring...and for my trip to europe.
if i moved back to lynchburg and had to start paying for rent, utilities, food, and car insurance all over again...i wouldn't have any extra money to do much else.
i also can't forget that lynchburg really really sucked sometimes, and it wasn't all mountain hikes and awesome parties and good conversation and good coffee at the white hart.
but, mostly, it was great. especially towards the end. i can't remember ever feeling so simultaneously happy and sad as on the night i left...
because i was with some of the best people i've ever known and having the time of my life.
i just don't know what to do.
i need prayer for clarity, and for my eyes to be opened to any of the doors God may be opening for me.
i just feel so at a loss right now.
i certainly don't want to be in rice lake, wisconsin....but it's the most responsible thing for me to do.
but not everyone is called to just be responsible, and responsibility has never really stopped me in the past and i turned out okay.
for now, i will just wait, i suppose. it's all i can do.
i'll get a shitty job that doesn't mean much and make some money until i figure out what the hell i'm doing and where i'm going.
and hey, i'm here for a reason. i don't know what that is, but this is where i landed. every place i've been at has given me something and helped me grow. so, i have to believe that it will happen here, too.
things have a way of working themselves out. it'll happen and i won't have to doubt.
i still haven't seen the new harry potter movie. unacceptable.