so fucking beautiful
*note - this is the same post i have on myspace... didn't want to REtype ANYTHING that i was thinking.
yep
i've had outkast stuck in my head for days now... it's okay though... i like them. that's beside the point though.
GAH i have many things to think about lately.
i had a wonderful (yet, still sort of difficult) talk with somebody recently. (and not anything like the talks that i've given jordan... hahaha)
there are just some things that i need to look at (and evaluate) in my life...
and some of them i'm working on changing...
i've made some really bad choices in my past... most of which i can look at and change for the better really easily.
those things are going to be hard at first... but i am going to work on making myself a better person.
i have had so many people tell me lately that i am an awesome and great person and such. i don't know whether to believe them or not. i know that i can be a really fun person to be around, and i love that fact about myself. but still, looking back, i have to change some things.
i have had a rough time with my sex-life in the past year and a half or so. a lot of things have happened, whether i REALLY wanted them to or not. i hope to say that those things are out of my system now, and i don't want to do anything "stupid" anymore, regarding the situation.
*to the people who read my bulletin post a month or so ago (before they knew me better) i have to say i'm sorry. er... maybe not sorry cuz i did those things, as they were my choices, but i'm sorry that you had to read that before getting to know me a little better. as i've said, i've made bad choices in my past, and i want to change them. some of those things made me feel really bad about myself for a while, and i don't want to feel like that anymore. mindless sex with random partners isn't always a good thing.*
i'm also working really hard on quitting smoking. i don't want to do it anymore. it only makes me more sick than i already am. i have to say though that i've cut WAY back from what i used to smoke, and i'm really happy about that. for this i would really like to thank working all of the time... cuz i can't really do it at work much... and mostly going out to david's house. i go there for countless hours most nights, and only once have i gone out during any of those times and had a cigarette. makes my insides happy, litterally.
with that said, i'm going to stop smoking in my room sooner than you think. and that means that no one is to come in here and say "kt, do you mind if i smoke in here...? it's cold outside." fuck off lazy bastards. you can freeze your nuts off for all i care. i don't want to smoke in here anymore, and that's that. i hate it when i haven't smoked hardly at all for a day, and someone i know who DOES smoke comes up to me to give me a hug, and i almost retch, cuz they reek of smoke. it sucks.
there are a lot of people that i hang out with that i should look at too. (and if this offends ANY of you, you can fuck off.) the ones who i care about, and that REALLY care about me know who they really are.
as for you others, you are probably really great people to get to know, but as far as right now goes, i can't. i have issues that i have to take care of before i can start a meaningful friendship with you. i'm not saying that i'm going to be a horrid bitch to all of you, but i can't handle right now a kabillion people sitting in my house that i don't want to be there. (hence, i'm not there MOST of the time)
the last thing i have to look at, (and probably the HARDEST one) is that i want to try to start reading the bible and possibly getting closer (than i have at all in the past) with god. i know i've had my issues with this, and i'm willing to look past that to TRY. some of you may not believe me, and that's fine... think what you will. and some of you (i know, it's hard to believe) will look at this and laugh really hard, and think "what the fuck is she doing?"
to an extent, i'm thinking that to myself... but i don't know, maybe it will make me a bit happier than i usually am.
so as the end to my mindless bullshit comes, you have read about the biggest flaws that i see in myself. they were (to an extent, even though i have thought about this a lot lately) pointed out by a VERY good friend of mine, who i care for a lot, and really, never wish to lose. ^_^
i have to work soon...
wal-mart, fuck off
<3 KT
yep
i've had outkast stuck in my head for days now... it's okay though... i like them. that's beside the point though.
GAH i have many things to think about lately.
i had a wonderful (yet, still sort of difficult) talk with somebody recently. (and not anything like the talks that i've given jordan... hahaha)
there are just some things that i need to look at (and evaluate) in my life...
and some of them i'm working on changing...
i've made some really bad choices in my past... most of which i can look at and change for the better really easily.
those things are going to be hard at first... but i am going to work on making myself a better person.
i have had so many people tell me lately that i am an awesome and great person and such. i don't know whether to believe them or not. i know that i can be a really fun person to be around, and i love that fact about myself. but still, looking back, i have to change some things.
i have had a rough time with my sex-life in the past year and a half or so. a lot of things have happened, whether i REALLY wanted them to or not. i hope to say that those things are out of my system now, and i don't want to do anything "stupid" anymore, regarding the situation.
*to the people who read my bulletin post a month or so ago (before they knew me better) i have to say i'm sorry. er... maybe not sorry cuz i did those things, as they were my choices, but i'm sorry that you had to read that before getting to know me a little better. as i've said, i've made bad choices in my past, and i want to change them. some of those things made me feel really bad about myself for a while, and i don't want to feel like that anymore. mindless sex with random partners isn't always a good thing.*
i'm also working really hard on quitting smoking. i don't want to do it anymore. it only makes me more sick than i already am. i have to say though that i've cut WAY back from what i used to smoke, and i'm really happy about that. for this i would really like to thank working all of the time... cuz i can't really do it at work much... and mostly going out to david's house. i go there for countless hours most nights, and only once have i gone out during any of those times and had a cigarette. makes my insides happy, litterally.
with that said, i'm going to stop smoking in my room sooner than you think. and that means that no one is to come in here and say "kt, do you mind if i smoke in here...? it's cold outside." fuck off lazy bastards. you can freeze your nuts off for all i care. i don't want to smoke in here anymore, and that's that. i hate it when i haven't smoked hardly at all for a day, and someone i know who DOES smoke comes up to me to give me a hug, and i almost retch, cuz they reek of smoke. it sucks.
there are a lot of people that i hang out with that i should look at too. (and if this offends ANY of you, you can fuck off.) the ones who i care about, and that REALLY care about me know who they really are.
as for you others, you are probably really great people to get to know, but as far as right now goes, i can't. i have issues that i have to take care of before i can start a meaningful friendship with you. i'm not saying that i'm going to be a horrid bitch to all of you, but i can't handle right now a kabillion people sitting in my house that i don't want to be there. (hence, i'm not there MOST of the time)
the last thing i have to look at, (and probably the HARDEST one) is that i want to try to start reading the bible and possibly getting closer (than i have at all in the past) with god. i know i've had my issues with this, and i'm willing to look past that to TRY. some of you may not believe me, and that's fine... think what you will. and some of you (i know, it's hard to believe) will look at this and laugh really hard, and think "what the fuck is she doing?"
to an extent, i'm thinking that to myself... but i don't know, maybe it will make me a bit happier than i usually am.
so as the end to my mindless bullshit comes, you have read about the biggest flaws that i see in myself. they were (to an extent, even though i have thought about this a lot lately) pointed out by a VERY good friend of mine, who i care for a lot, and really, never wish to lose. ^_^
i have to work soon...
wal-mart, fuck off
<3 KT