(no subject)
There's some strange irony about the paranoia I'm feeling at this moment as I write on my public online journal. lol. I don't think I am completely spilling my guts out on this journal, but I am exposing a good chunk of my vulnerability.
I don't know what's been happening lately but I have become a big ball of emotions. I guess in some optimistic way I am trying to figure myself out and discovering different aspects of myself that I've tried to deny.
I know I am no different from the 20's confused, lost, self-deprecating lot.
hmmm..So this is growing up.
I am trying not to be perfect. Not that I am of course, but I've realized that I try to be perfect too much. For so long, I've always felt the pressure of doing the right and rational thing. I do what people expect of me because they see me as the reasonable one.
I know, I know...I shouldn't blame others for who I am.
Deep down I know it's a fear that I don't want to let people down. I feel like I have to live up to people's expectations and often I find myself trying to hide things. I need to understand that people don't care all that much about what I do. Perhaps I just need to get over my vanity. No, it's just paranoia, fear of rejection, or something like that.
Aaahhh, letting go of the past. I am working on that. I think I'm learning to let go of a lot of things in my life because I've finally given up, lost hope and I am attempting to move on. I realized that there's a lot that I can't be too optimistic about because it's just the way it is. There are things I don't believe in anymore and it's made situations a little easier to deal with. I still have a good chunk of optimism left though,
for the future. But especially with getting older, the future is going to be fucking scary.
Oh yeah, I cant close w/o reminding everyone that...
JIB WON McCHESNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and..the vb team is 12-1 =)
so...yeah!
kt*
I don't know what's been happening lately but I have become a big ball of emotions. I guess in some optimistic way I am trying to figure myself out and discovering different aspects of myself that I've tried to deny.
I know I am no different from the 20's confused, lost, self-deprecating lot.
hmmm..So this is growing up.
I am trying not to be perfect. Not that I am of course, but I've realized that I try to be perfect too much. For so long, I've always felt the pressure of doing the right and rational thing. I do what people expect of me because they see me as the reasonable one.
I know, I know...I shouldn't blame others for who I am.
Deep down I know it's a fear that I don't want to let people down. I feel like I have to live up to people's expectations and often I find myself trying to hide things. I need to understand that people don't care all that much about what I do. Perhaps I just need to get over my vanity. No, it's just paranoia, fear of rejection, or something like that.
Aaahhh, letting go of the past. I am working on that. I think I'm learning to let go of a lot of things in my life because I've finally given up, lost hope and I am attempting to move on. I realized that there's a lot that I can't be too optimistic about because it's just the way it is. There are things I don't believe in anymore and it's made situations a little easier to deal with. I still have a good chunk of optimism left though,
for the future. But especially with getting older, the future is going to be fucking scary.
Oh yeah, I cant close w/o reminding everyone that...
JIB WON McCHESNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and..the vb team is 12-1 =)
so...yeah!
kt*