Tales from the Hood....
I got myself a new 3 burner gas grill the other day. I like charcoal grills but its such a pain in the ass to get your hot and cold zones just right, so I broke down and took the suckers way out. Thursday night I was in the grocery store and I saw all the meat, and sides, and summer stuff and I got the urge to throw a cook out. So like a big dummy I ended up spending an extra $300 on food, and sending out 50 or so text messages for a last minute cook out. MEAT-FEST 2008 was a go!
I got my house together and hit the grills at about two-ish, cause you know if you tell black people you're starting at two they'll get there at 4:30. I had all the essentials one needs:
Beer?
Check! We knocked out 5 mini-kegs.
Meat?
Check! I had the bird fallin off the bone.
Something extra?
Check! I got creative and grilled some shrimp and sausage kabobs. I threw together some Greens, Baked Beans, & Potato Salad and the food portion was complete.
But of course anytime you get black people and liquor together you're gonna have some drama. One thing about black folks and cookouts is that they assume they can invite their peoples cause we're cool. Usually I wouldnt have a problem with that but 3 separate people brought their significant other and someone unwittingly (or knowingly) invited people they were messing with on the side. Some of them played it Cool Hand Luke and avoided drama, but one person got cussed out and left to find their own way back to Towson, MD (45 miles away).
But wait, there's more! Someone snuck upstairs and fucked in my bedroom, and someone else snuck downstairs and fucked in the other bathroom. Negroes...
And still there is even more drama! I live in the hood, so of course the neighbor's had to contribute to the evening. I had just walked a few home-girls to their car when I hear some tires screech and a car crash. We look to our left and we see a mini-van smash into a phone poll and a kid with dreads jump out and start running. A cop pulls up right behind him and gives chase up the street. We're all sitting there shocked as hell, not knowing what to do or say. About 30 seconds goes by and we're still standing there in shock and the kid comes flying out of my neighbor's back yard and runs right past us, the cop is 15 feet after him but he slips and falls on some gravel directly in front of my house. This is where the shit gets really "ignant" the kid stops, turns around, points, and laughs before he runs off. The cop springs up and takes off after the kid again, and the chase disappears down the block into the park at the end of the street. By this time everyone is on my front porch pointing at the smashed up mini-van and telling re-enactments to those that missed the action. Two minutes later the cops comes walking down the street with the kid in handcuffs and parades him past all of us. Literally all the neighborhood kids come pouring out of the woodworks and they point and laugh their asses off. It was like having 50 Smokey's laughing at Deebo getting knocked out.
Yeah, then we went back inside and kept the party going.
I got my house together and hit the grills at about two-ish, cause you know if you tell black people you're starting at two they'll get there at 4:30. I had all the essentials one needs:
Beer?
Check! We knocked out 5 mini-kegs.
Meat?
Check! I had the bird fallin off the bone.
Something extra?
Check! I got creative and grilled some shrimp and sausage kabobs. I threw together some Greens, Baked Beans, & Potato Salad and the food portion was complete.
But of course anytime you get black people and liquor together you're gonna have some drama. One thing about black folks and cookouts is that they assume they can invite their peoples cause we're cool. Usually I wouldnt have a problem with that but 3 separate people brought their significant other and someone unwittingly (or knowingly) invited people they were messing with on the side. Some of them played it Cool Hand Luke and avoided drama, but one person got cussed out and left to find their own way back to Towson, MD (45 miles away).
But wait, there's more! Someone snuck upstairs and fucked in my bedroom, and someone else snuck downstairs and fucked in the other bathroom. Negroes...
And still there is even more drama! I live in the hood, so of course the neighbor's had to contribute to the evening. I had just walked a few home-girls to their car when I hear some tires screech and a car crash. We look to our left and we see a mini-van smash into a phone poll and a kid with dreads jump out and start running. A cop pulls up right behind him and gives chase up the street. We're all sitting there shocked as hell, not knowing what to do or say. About 30 seconds goes by and we're still standing there in shock and the kid comes flying out of my neighbor's back yard and runs right past us, the cop is 15 feet after him but he slips and falls on some gravel directly in front of my house. This is where the shit gets really "ignant" the kid stops, turns around, points, and laughs before he runs off. The cop springs up and takes off after the kid again, and the chase disappears down the block into the park at the end of the street. By this time everyone is on my front porch pointing at the smashed up mini-van and telling re-enactments to those that missed the action. Two minutes later the cops comes walking down the street with the kid in handcuffs and parades him past all of us. Literally all the neighborhood kids come pouring out of the woodworks and they point and laugh their asses off. It was like having 50 Smokey's laughing at Deebo getting knocked out.
Yeah, then we went back inside and kept the party going.