The wife
It's not our anniversary. Or anything particularly special. But I've been thinking a lot lately about how much my wife means to me.
It's having someone who will always be there for me. When you have as broken of a mind as I do, that type of security is indescribably wonderful. Through meltdowns and anxiety attacks, I have gradually learned that she will always be there at the other end, will always love me.
Ari knows me better than I know myself. She can pinpoint the cause of bitchiness (be it PMS, stress, overcrowding, whatever) faster than I can acknowledge that I AM being bitchy. She knows the right things to say, at the right times. She is my touchstone.
She is also growing in a way that I seldom see adults grow. I have really enjoyed watching over the years as she is exposed to more and more things, and learns more about the world and herself.
I'm particularly proud of what she is doing now. Going back to school after a long absence is never easy, and she hasn't chosen an easy course of study. She's doing something that I have never managed to do, make a long-term plan to solidly give back to the community in a very real, very valuable way.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever really know what it is to be in love. I thought I did, I remember the curious sensation in my stomach the first time I saw her. I remember how hard it was to be apart. I remember finally letting myself realize that oh, yeah, this is love. This is something worth putting the rest of my world aside for.
For all that... I would never have guess how much *more* those feelings would grow over the years. Deeper than I would have thought possible. And at least once a week the thought occures to me that yes, yes if I had to do it all over, I would do it the same. I would actively choose to bind my life to this woman's. It's a choice I make over and over again, because it's the right choice for me.
I still don't fully understand why this wonderful, beautiful woman is with me. But over the years I've come to the comfortable realization that I don't have to. She will be at my side whether I understand or not, so taking it on faith seems the best course of action.
I don't know what exactly the coming years will hold. But I do know that whatever they hold, we will face it together, because we are stronger and better together than we were apart.
It's having someone who will always be there for me. When you have as broken of a mind as I do, that type of security is indescribably wonderful. Through meltdowns and anxiety attacks, I have gradually learned that she will always be there at the other end, will always love me.
Ari knows me better than I know myself. She can pinpoint the cause of bitchiness (be it PMS, stress, overcrowding, whatever) faster than I can acknowledge that I AM being bitchy. She knows the right things to say, at the right times. She is my touchstone.
She is also growing in a way that I seldom see adults grow. I have really enjoyed watching over the years as she is exposed to more and more things, and learns more about the world and herself.
I'm particularly proud of what she is doing now. Going back to school after a long absence is never easy, and she hasn't chosen an easy course of study. She's doing something that I have never managed to do, make a long-term plan to solidly give back to the community in a very real, very valuable way.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever really know what it is to be in love. I thought I did, I remember the curious sensation in my stomach the first time I saw her. I remember how hard it was to be apart. I remember finally letting myself realize that oh, yeah, this is love. This is something worth putting the rest of my world aside for.
For all that... I would never have guess how much *more* those feelings would grow over the years. Deeper than I would have thought possible. And at least once a week the thought occures to me that yes, yes if I had to do it all over, I would do it the same. I would actively choose to bind my life to this woman's. It's a choice I make over and over again, because it's the right choice for me.
I still don't fully understand why this wonderful, beautiful woman is with me. But over the years I've come to the comfortable realization that I don't have to. She will be at my side whether I understand or not, so taking it on faith seems the best course of action.
I don't know what exactly the coming years will hold. But I do know that whatever they hold, we will face it together, because we are stronger and better together than we were apart.