Confessions of an almost 50 year old woman
Why now? Why the story now? Because it is past time for it to be told. I think living almost half a century gives me the right to say what I want. For those of you that truly know me, none of this will be a surprise. For those of you that do not truly know me, open your eyes and ears. I am not a bad person. Contrary to what you may have heard or even believe. Am I a bitch? You betcha. But I am a mother, grandmother and wife. I live, love, laugh, cry and have a full range of emotions that encompass all of us. Do I follow the law of the land! You betcha. Does it irritate me more than anything that some people and some organizations think they are above the law. You betcha.
Things that most people do not know about me:
My biological mother broke my left arm by twisting it.
My biological mother burned me with cigarettes.
My biological mother tried to drown me.
I am adopted.
Since the adoption, I was raped by my grandfather at age 5, I was molested by an uncle at age 12-14, I was raped by a boyfriend at age 18, raped at knife point by an unknown perpetrator at age 35.
My adoptive parents were family. I always saw my brothers and sisters and my biological parents.
A bit about the Adoptive family:
Mom - was off her rocker most of the time and just as abusive as my biological mother. She went into the hospital several times and had shock treatments when I was younger. By the time she came out of the hospital for the last time, she had no idea that she did anything wrong to me. To this day, she has no memory of that and has replaced the memories with others.
Dad - never really paid attention to me much. When he did, he put me down to my face but to others he praised me. No one ever knew what I was going through at home. Talk about building self esteem. Oh wait, that was tearing it down. How was I supposed to know? It was all I knew.
Thankfully they divorced. I lived with mom for awhile but that ended badly. I finally went to live with my dad. It was better but we put each other through hell. Teenagers should be locked away until they are 30. I say that from experience of my own children.
My goals in life by the time I graduated high school, were to become a Neonatologist. I had a fully paid scholarship that was for eight full years of school. The hitch was, my father did not think that anyone had a right to know what money he made for a living. He refused to fill out the forms for the required financial aid paperwork. It was a huge setback for me; and one that I feel I never overcame.
I end up going to the local community college and received a Certificate of Health Care Assistant. By the time I was twenty-one, my goals changed drastically. I got married. I had a child within the first year and the second child two years later.
Kids really should come with a manual. I loved both of my children while they were growing up. I went through a lot of emotional times with them and with myself. I love my children, but I am glad they are grown and with families of their own. Grandkids are much better. You can love them and send them home. ;)
I got a divorce in 1993 because my husband was doing the same thing to me that my own father did. I did not break the mold. I was still living in the down trodden self esteem hell. After 16 years, I finally decided that I needed someone in my life that could help me get on the road to living.
I got remarried to a man who I thought was my better half and the part of me that was always missing. My kids are "his" and my grandchildren are "his" too. Never tell him anything different. He would die to protect them and me. We have had some rough times and our goals are no longer the same. Whatever the future brings, I believe that we will figure out a way to make it work or at least remain friends.
You should all guess the odd jobs I have had over the years. I do not even think you would come close. Those included building desktop computers and working as a civilian for the Royal Australian Air Force in St. Louis. I have been in management and supervision of various retail establishments, offices, as well as in my current field of security. For five years I owned and operated my own company that installed and maintained Novell Networks systems. In 1995 I was fortunate enough to be hired into a law firm. They trained me to be a paralegal. While I enjoyed that work tremendously, many factors required me to change fields. Those included my health, the birth of my grandson, and the death of my father and the movement of my mother to St. Louis. I belong to an organization called Focused Attention, that caters to Gen Con media guests. I have enjoyed it and it has allowed me to meet many famous people over the years and to make many new friends.
Hobbies? I enjoy reading, sewing, science fiction, fantasy, live action role-playing, and gaming in general. We own five computers including two laptops. When I have time, I am playing online games such as World of Warcraft (WoW), City of Heroes (CoH), City of Villains (CoV).
My favorite thing to do is spending time with my two sons and their families. I have 4 beautiful grandchildren; two boys and two girls. The boys are in T-Ball and will be doing soccer in the fall. Time is passing so fast.
This past December, I decided to go back to school. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. I enrolled at University of Phoenix . I am graduating next June with a Criminal Justice Associates Degree. I currently plan on getting a Bachelors Degree in Psychology as well as a Certificate for Marriage and Family Counseling. I would like to specialize in helping victims of Child Sexual Abuse.
Have a I learned a lot over the last half century? You bet I have!
I am a survivor!
I am strong!
I am invincible! (and yes! I am woman! Hear me ROAR!)
I learned to forgive!
I learned that I can start a new career at any age.
I learned that going back to school at my age is fun!
I have learned who my friends truly are.
I have learned who I can trust and not trust.
I have learned to not worry what others think of me because what they think does not matter.
I have learned that what I think, does matter.
I have learned that I am ok.
I have learned to laugh. (Especially when you are being tickled by a grandchild)
More importantly, I have learned to live.
On November 11th, I intend to wear red and purple. I have earned it! Life is definately going to be more fun after 50!
Things that most people do not know about me:
My biological mother broke my left arm by twisting it.
My biological mother burned me with cigarettes.
My biological mother tried to drown me.
I am adopted.
Since the adoption, I was raped by my grandfather at age 5, I was molested by an uncle at age 12-14, I was raped by a boyfriend at age 18, raped at knife point by an unknown perpetrator at age 35.
My adoptive parents were family. I always saw my brothers and sisters and my biological parents.
A bit about the Adoptive family:
Mom - was off her rocker most of the time and just as abusive as my biological mother. She went into the hospital several times and had shock treatments when I was younger. By the time she came out of the hospital for the last time, she had no idea that she did anything wrong to me. To this day, she has no memory of that and has replaced the memories with others.
Dad - never really paid attention to me much. When he did, he put me down to my face but to others he praised me. No one ever knew what I was going through at home. Talk about building self esteem. Oh wait, that was tearing it down. How was I supposed to know? It was all I knew.
Thankfully they divorced. I lived with mom for awhile but that ended badly. I finally went to live with my dad. It was better but we put each other through hell. Teenagers should be locked away until they are 30. I say that from experience of my own children.
My goals in life by the time I graduated high school, were to become a Neonatologist. I had a fully paid scholarship that was for eight full years of school. The hitch was, my father did not think that anyone had a right to know what money he made for a living. He refused to fill out the forms for the required financial aid paperwork. It was a huge setback for me; and one that I feel I never overcame.
I end up going to the local community college and received a Certificate of Health Care Assistant. By the time I was twenty-one, my goals changed drastically. I got married. I had a child within the first year and the second child two years later.
Kids really should come with a manual. I loved both of my children while they were growing up. I went through a lot of emotional times with them and with myself. I love my children, but I am glad they are grown and with families of their own. Grandkids are much better. You can love them and send them home. ;)
I got a divorce in 1993 because my husband was doing the same thing to me that my own father did. I did not break the mold. I was still living in the down trodden self esteem hell. After 16 years, I finally decided that I needed someone in my life that could help me get on the road to living.
I got remarried to a man who I thought was my better half and the part of me that was always missing. My kids are "his" and my grandchildren are "his" too. Never tell him anything different. He would die to protect them and me. We have had some rough times and our goals are no longer the same. Whatever the future brings, I believe that we will figure out a way to make it work or at least remain friends.
You should all guess the odd jobs I have had over the years. I do not even think you would come close. Those included building desktop computers and working as a civilian for the Royal Australian Air Force in St. Louis. I have been in management and supervision of various retail establishments, offices, as well as in my current field of security. For five years I owned and operated my own company that installed and maintained Novell Networks systems. In 1995 I was fortunate enough to be hired into a law firm. They trained me to be a paralegal. While I enjoyed that work tremendously, many factors required me to change fields. Those included my health, the birth of my grandson, and the death of my father and the movement of my mother to St. Louis. I belong to an organization called Focused Attention, that caters to Gen Con media guests. I have enjoyed it and it has allowed me to meet many famous people over the years and to make many new friends.
Hobbies? I enjoy reading, sewing, science fiction, fantasy, live action role-playing, and gaming in general. We own five computers including two laptops. When I have time, I am playing online games such as World of Warcraft (WoW), City of Heroes (CoH), City of Villains (CoV).
My favorite thing to do is spending time with my two sons and their families. I have 4 beautiful grandchildren; two boys and two girls. The boys are in T-Ball and will be doing soccer in the fall. Time is passing so fast.
This past December, I decided to go back to school. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. I enrolled at University of Phoenix . I am graduating next June with a Criminal Justice Associates Degree. I currently plan on getting a Bachelors Degree in Psychology as well as a Certificate for Marriage and Family Counseling. I would like to specialize in helping victims of Child Sexual Abuse.
Have a I learned a lot over the last half century? You bet I have!
I am a survivor!
I am strong!
I am invincible! (and yes! I am woman! Hear me ROAR!)
I learned to forgive!
I learned that I can start a new career at any age.
I learned that going back to school at my age is fun!
I have learned who my friends truly are.
I have learned who I can trust and not trust.
I have learned to not worry what others think of me because what they think does not matter.
I have learned that what I think, does matter.
I have learned that I am ok.
I have learned to laugh. (Especially when you are being tickled by a grandchild)
More importantly, I have learned to live.
On November 11th, I intend to wear red and purple. I have earned it! Life is definately going to be more fun after 50!