LIFE
Well, where to start?
I have traveled a road I hope to never travel again but without experiencing love one cannot experience pain...
So Sept was when my divorce was final and I am not at all sad or do I miss the control I let him establish within me. I felt smothered and drained.
This summer I went on a journey to find who I was and who I wanted to be. I visited people from my past who shared their heart with me, hoping they would have answers to my questions. I literally went from one side of the US to the other searching and hoping someone would give me an answer to what I was seeking. I am thankful to the experiences I had this summer and the relationships I tried to fix along my journey. I ended and gave my heart away in California! I set a rule for myself before leaving and blah it didn't last. I really don't think life should be about rules and I will no longer do that to myself. I let go and let it happen. Love is scary and sometimes you just have to let it happen no matter what preconceived notions others may have. I will no longer hide who I am to anyone I 'love'.. I am who I am and therefore you have to love me or hate me, and that is a choice you have to make about me. I AM IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE DEEPER than I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE! Is that weird or odd?? I have always shared my partner with whom ever they wanted besides me to fill their voids and guess what I will never do that again. I love Mike because he treats me like a queen and we have the same views about a lot of things but we can also agree to disagree.
I got nothing from my divorce, except the things he(Trey) wanted to give me. That hurts me because for 9 years I worked too, I worked for everything just like he did. I did get a bed and my clothes but other than that I got nothing. Well besides the trash he didn't want to keep.....but Karma will take care of that. He actually threw away one of my sculptures, called the police and said that I was beating him and taking things that didn't belong to me. We fought over a pillow grrr, he kicked me in the back of the leg and I kicked him back. I went to jail and now have assault charges on my record and waiting for it to go to trial, I have no money for a lawyer and pray that the judge will appoint me one. I have pictures of where he kicked me and a witness who saw him kick me. It is pretty sad that love ends in pain. I lost all respect for him so long ago. He would tell me my art was shit and I would never be an artist or a teacher. Maybe I won't be anything but happy from now on. I can control if I am happy or not. I am happy and life is wonderful now. I had to ask family and friends to help me during my separation, my car is two months behind, I can't get the payments lowered, I have 18 hrs before I get my degree(and with those charges who knows if I will ever teach)...It is pretty sad that love has to end in pain but he will no longer be a pain in my ass and Karma will take care of him. I keep my chin up and my eyes on the brighter moments I have experienced. Thank you to all of those this summer who invited me places, that helped me keep my mind off what was really going on. During the summer, I lived in a college dorm. Now Mike and I have an apartment together, my car will be caught up in January and life is getting better.
Mike tells me all the time, "Don't pet the sweaty things and don't sweat the petty things!" this helps me so much..I love him so much and I am lucky to share his love at the moment..
I have traveled a road I hope to never travel again but without experiencing love one cannot experience pain...
So Sept was when my divorce was final and I am not at all sad or do I miss the control I let him establish within me. I felt smothered and drained.
This summer I went on a journey to find who I was and who I wanted to be. I visited people from my past who shared their heart with me, hoping they would have answers to my questions. I literally went from one side of the US to the other searching and hoping someone would give me an answer to what I was seeking. I am thankful to the experiences I had this summer and the relationships I tried to fix along my journey. I ended and gave my heart away in California! I set a rule for myself before leaving and blah it didn't last. I really don't think life should be about rules and I will no longer do that to myself. I let go and let it happen. Love is scary and sometimes you just have to let it happen no matter what preconceived notions others may have. I will no longer hide who I am to anyone I 'love'.. I am who I am and therefore you have to love me or hate me, and that is a choice you have to make about me. I AM IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE DEEPER than I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE! Is that weird or odd?? I have always shared my partner with whom ever they wanted besides me to fill their voids and guess what I will never do that again. I love Mike because he treats me like a queen and we have the same views about a lot of things but we can also agree to disagree.
I got nothing from my divorce, except the things he(Trey) wanted to give me. That hurts me because for 9 years I worked too, I worked for everything just like he did. I did get a bed and my clothes but other than that I got nothing. Well besides the trash he didn't want to keep.....but Karma will take care of that. He actually threw away one of my sculptures, called the police and said that I was beating him and taking things that didn't belong to me. We fought over a pillow grrr, he kicked me in the back of the leg and I kicked him back. I went to jail and now have assault charges on my record and waiting for it to go to trial, I have no money for a lawyer and pray that the judge will appoint me one. I have pictures of where he kicked me and a witness who saw him kick me. It is pretty sad that love ends in pain. I lost all respect for him so long ago. He would tell me my art was shit and I would never be an artist or a teacher. Maybe I won't be anything but happy from now on. I can control if I am happy or not. I am happy and life is wonderful now. I had to ask family and friends to help me during my separation, my car is two months behind, I can't get the payments lowered, I have 18 hrs before I get my degree(and with those charges who knows if I will ever teach)...It is pretty sad that love has to end in pain but he will no longer be a pain in my ass and Karma will take care of him. I keep my chin up and my eyes on the brighter moments I have experienced. Thank you to all of those this summer who invited me places, that helped me keep my mind off what was really going on. During the summer, I lived in a college dorm. Now Mike and I have an apartment together, my car will be caught up in January and life is getting better.
Mike tells me all the time, "Don't pet the sweaty things and don't sweat the petty things!" this helps me so much..I love him so much and I am lucky to share his love at the moment..