(no subject)
Junior year in short: I quit running. I got suspended from school. I got lots of B's. I pulled more all-nighters then I ever have in my whole life. I failed a lot of tests. I lost a lot of friends. And on top of all this, I succeeded in making just about every important person in my life disappointed in me. Theres no other way to put it...I screwed up a lot this year.
Sometimes, I think back on everything and wonder what it would have been like if things had gone differently. If I had never been caught drinking, if I had never quit running, if I had never shut myself off from other people....sometimes the thoughts just keep replaying in my head over and over again until I get so angry I can't sleep at night. But deep down, I know that I have to stop wondering. Because I can't change the past.
Looking back on this year, I realize that sometimes its not enough to be forgiven by others for my mistakes, I have to learn to forgive myself. Getting the suspension expunged from my record today finally allowed me to let go of atleast some part of what has happened. But everytime I walk past one of my old running coaches, I shudder at the thought of having to race again. I know it will be a long time before the events of this year are just faded memories of a distant past, but atleast the year has ended and I can put things behind me.
I guess I never realized before any of this how much you really dont know what course your life will take. Things don't always go the way you planned...but in the end, its how you react to everything unexpected that's most important.
So to conclude this reflection on my life in the past year, I have one thing left to say: Despite any regrets I may have....in the end, I know I am a stronger person for everything that I have experienced. And thats all that really matters.
Sometimes, I think back on everything and wonder what it would have been like if things had gone differently. If I had never been caught drinking, if I had never quit running, if I had never shut myself off from other people....sometimes the thoughts just keep replaying in my head over and over again until I get so angry I can't sleep at night. But deep down, I know that I have to stop wondering. Because I can't change the past.
Looking back on this year, I realize that sometimes its not enough to be forgiven by others for my mistakes, I have to learn to forgive myself. Getting the suspension expunged from my record today finally allowed me to let go of atleast some part of what has happened. But everytime I walk past one of my old running coaches, I shudder at the thought of having to race again. I know it will be a long time before the events of this year are just faded memories of a distant past, but atleast the year has ended and I can put things behind me.
I guess I never realized before any of this how much you really dont know what course your life will take. Things don't always go the way you planned...but in the end, its how you react to everything unexpected that's most important.
So to conclude this reflection on my life in the past year, I have one thing left to say: Despite any regrets I may have....in the end, I know I am a stronger person for everything that I have experienced. And thats all that really matters.