Happy New Year
So it's Yom Teruah, or the Day of blowing, also called Rosh HaShannah, head of the (secular new) year. I say secular because the Biblical new year begins with Nisan (not the car company). That being said it's a new year and we look forward to changes in our lives. I find this very striking cus well, I'm starting a new life.
Here it is my second week in Maryland and I'm still trying to figure out what in the world I'm going to do with myself. What is my new career path going to be? How long do I see myself living up here? Has kShaw traded a mind blowing destiny for the mundane? I have a thousand and one other questions but these are just the few that immediately come to mind.
So back to Yom Teruah. It's said that the King (The Holy One Blessed be He) sits in judgement. The day of blowing is a day where we hear the shofar (ram's horn) blast, declaring three distinct realities: The coronation of the king, wailing, and the equivalent of a spiritual alarm clock. There different types of blast are played on this horn. Upon hearing it we should realize that there is a new king in our lives (granted he should always have been king but that's another story). We should also be stirred to weeping since realization should set in that the king sits in judgement and we realize that we have screwed up as servants. The third type of blast should buzz our very souls awake to do what's called Teshuvah, repentance. Shuv, literally means to turn. So in Teshuvah we turn from our old ways or the path we've been on to a new one.
That being said I can't help but realize that the Holy One (Blessed be He) has had me Teshuvah from the path of Pastoral Ministry. I am turning away from that which so defined me for so long. Yet as I do I am forced to realize something. It only defined me in MY mind. For everyone else who has known me that hasn't been the case. If, for instance, leaders over me had felt so a lot more would have been done to put me in ministry. If the people around me had felt so there would have been a push on the leadership for such to happen or a push from them at me to make it happen. In the ways of HaShem, folks have seen me as a source of knowledge of Torah, a facilitator of projects, a source of counsel. Have I been seen as a leader, as a Shepard? I liked the thought that I might have been, but that wasn't the truth Ringo. The truth is that I'm the weak. As a community, all of us in undeep land? We were the tyranny of evil men. Yet I tried Ringo. I tried real hard to be the Shepard.
A friend of mine, The Philosopher, had to give up smoking to save his life. He consequently traded one possible life ending lifestyle for another, but we'll talk about his weight gain another day. He felt, still feels that smoking defined him. I told him something that I must now acknowledge. A habit does not define you. If ministry was some thing that I always did, almost unconsciously had it become a habit? If so it didn't define me. Yet I made sacrifices, I put work at the temple before other things. Perhaps, but how much of it was constructed. How much of what happened week in and week out did I make sure to maneuver my way in to help plan. How much of a game plan did I have for a year, two years, five? With out a long term plan I was playing checkers while the enemy of my life was playing chess.
So now I'm in MD. I have made one of the biggest Shuvim, turns, I could have ever made in my life. I'm starting over fresh. The King sits, coroneted in judgement, waiting for me to wake my black behind up. Have I truly learned from my FL experience? Have I truly turned from my old ways?
That's what mattered to me this Tishri. I, Ladies and Gentlemen, am k5haw, and you've just been Kreemed.
Today it's honey flavored!
Here it is my second week in Maryland and I'm still trying to figure out what in the world I'm going to do with myself. What is my new career path going to be? How long do I see myself living up here? Has kShaw traded a mind blowing destiny for the mundane? I have a thousand and one other questions but these are just the few that immediately come to mind.
So back to Yom Teruah. It's said that the King (The Holy One Blessed be He) sits in judgement. The day of blowing is a day where we hear the shofar (ram's horn) blast, declaring three distinct realities: The coronation of the king, wailing, and the equivalent of a spiritual alarm clock. There different types of blast are played on this horn. Upon hearing it we should realize that there is a new king in our lives (granted he should always have been king but that's another story). We should also be stirred to weeping since realization should set in that the king sits in judgement and we realize that we have screwed up as servants. The third type of blast should buzz our very souls awake to do what's called Teshuvah, repentance. Shuv, literally means to turn. So in Teshuvah we turn from our old ways or the path we've been on to a new one.
That being said I can't help but realize that the Holy One (Blessed be He) has had me Teshuvah from the path of Pastoral Ministry. I am turning away from that which so defined me for so long. Yet as I do I am forced to realize something. It only defined me in MY mind. For everyone else who has known me that hasn't been the case. If, for instance, leaders over me had felt so a lot more would have been done to put me in ministry. If the people around me had felt so there would have been a push on the leadership for such to happen or a push from them at me to make it happen. In the ways of HaShem, folks have seen me as a source of knowledge of Torah, a facilitator of projects, a source of counsel. Have I been seen as a leader, as a Shepard? I liked the thought that I might have been, but that wasn't the truth Ringo. The truth is that I'm the weak. As a community, all of us in undeep land? We were the tyranny of evil men. Yet I tried Ringo. I tried real hard to be the Shepard.
A friend of mine, The Philosopher, had to give up smoking to save his life. He consequently traded one possible life ending lifestyle for another, but we'll talk about his weight gain another day. He felt, still feels that smoking defined him. I told him something that I must now acknowledge. A habit does not define you. If ministry was some thing that I always did, almost unconsciously had it become a habit? If so it didn't define me. Yet I made sacrifices, I put work at the temple before other things. Perhaps, but how much of it was constructed. How much of what happened week in and week out did I make sure to maneuver my way in to help plan. How much of a game plan did I have for a year, two years, five? With out a long term plan I was playing checkers while the enemy of my life was playing chess.
So now I'm in MD. I have made one of the biggest Shuvim, turns, I could have ever made in my life. I'm starting over fresh. The King sits, coroneted in judgement, waiting for me to wake my black behind up. Have I truly learned from my FL experience? Have I truly turned from my old ways?
That's what mattered to me this Tishri. I, Ladies and Gentlemen, am k5haw, and you've just been Kreemed.
Today it's honey flavored!