Getting busy
So I say I want to do a lot of things, yet there are few things that I actually decide on because, well, when I start something I'm pretty stubborn about letting it go. For instance, being a believer, going into ministry, shifting my lifestly to Messianic standards. Which is why my decision that I'm approaching is rather disconcerting.
I'm giving up on Pastoral Ministry.
I went through school for it, had to down grade my degree from Theology to graduate. I've been banging my head against walls for the past... four years. I'm no where closer (except for my bachelors which still does nothing for me in terms of ministry) than I was when I graduated High School. I've learned a lot sure. I can talk about theology, of course. I can disect beliefs and create a doctrinal family tree from where those ideas came from. Does it mean that I'm able to accomplish the calling I recieved before I left High School? This brings me to the two premises that spurred my post.
a.) If the Holy One (blessed be He) wanted me to fulfill a role in The Body, I'd be confirmed in such an endeavor (i.e. laying of hands, designation, ordination, etc.) by therest of the Body of Meshiach.
b.) If the Holy One (Baruch Hu) wanted me to fulfill a role he'd open up doors and close others to make it nigh impossible to do anything else.
For the first premise I give you, um... almost every role in the Bible. Aaron the High Priest for the office of cohen, as well as ALL of his sons. Elisha for the office of prophet, just about every righteous king of Israel. The deacons of the book of Acts. The emissaries Shaul and Bar-Nabba. The young Pastor Timothy. They were all anointed or hands were layed upon them, something from another individual or group of believers to say, we confirm and attest that HaKadosh has chosen you for this task.
None of which has happened with me.
Onto premise b.) is the fact that sure I preach occasionally at temple, and help teach shabbat school, such efforts are not in any official capacity, and at the end of the day as I was told by Pastor Alex (not in as many words) this weekend, the Conferance doesn't give a rat's... behind. Now some one asked me why do I care? I'm not doing this for people. Which may be true to a certain degree. At the end of the day there is a protocol and that protocol dictates that the first premise be adhered to in order that I accomplish the second. Which needs to occur in order to accomplish the first premise. I've been egg/chicken-ed.
So I've settled on this. I'm done trying. I'm going to be about as Jay-Z says Money, Cash, Women of Ill-repute. Okay that was tongue in cheek. Yet I'm not going to try anymore. If I'm supposed to do a particular thing and the Holy One (Baruch Hu) wants me to do it then it's gonna be pretty damn hard for me to choose not to (see Jonah). If the Holy one (Baruch Hu) doesn't want me to do something then it's gonna be pretty damn hard for me to choose to (see Balamb). Now do I think I'm a prophet? I'm not saying that. Yet I do believe in a personal G-d. I do believe he cares about my choices and now believe more than ever He'll intercede for the sake of our partnership if the situation warrants it.
So as I said, I'm done. What that means, how that will play out in terms of church/temple/Da_club/wherever? I don't know. I'm just done
I'm giving up on Pastoral Ministry.
I went through school for it, had to down grade my degree from Theology to graduate. I've been banging my head against walls for the past... four years. I'm no where closer (except for my bachelors which still does nothing for me in terms of ministry) than I was when I graduated High School. I've learned a lot sure. I can talk about theology, of course. I can disect beliefs and create a doctrinal family tree from where those ideas came from. Does it mean that I'm able to accomplish the calling I recieved before I left High School? This brings me to the two premises that spurred my post.
a.) If the Holy One (blessed be He) wanted me to fulfill a role in The Body, I'd be confirmed in such an endeavor (i.e. laying of hands, designation, ordination, etc.) by therest of the Body of Meshiach.
b.) If the Holy One (Baruch Hu) wanted me to fulfill a role he'd open up doors and close others to make it nigh impossible to do anything else.
For the first premise I give you, um... almost every role in the Bible. Aaron the High Priest for the office of cohen, as well as ALL of his sons. Elisha for the office of prophet, just about every righteous king of Israel. The deacons of the book of Acts. The emissaries Shaul and Bar-Nabba. The young Pastor Timothy. They were all anointed or hands were layed upon them, something from another individual or group of believers to say, we confirm and attest that HaKadosh has chosen you for this task.
None of which has happened with me.
Onto premise b.) is the fact that sure I preach occasionally at temple, and help teach shabbat school, such efforts are not in any official capacity, and at the end of the day as I was told by Pastor Alex (not in as many words) this weekend, the Conferance doesn't give a rat's... behind. Now some one asked me why do I care? I'm not doing this for people. Which may be true to a certain degree. At the end of the day there is a protocol and that protocol dictates that the first premise be adhered to in order that I accomplish the second. Which needs to occur in order to accomplish the first premise. I've been egg/chicken-ed.
So I've settled on this. I'm done trying. I'm going to be about as Jay-Z says Money, Cash, Women of Ill-repute. Okay that was tongue in cheek. Yet I'm not going to try anymore. If I'm supposed to do a particular thing and the Holy One (Baruch Hu) wants me to do it then it's gonna be pretty damn hard for me to choose not to (see Jonah). If the Holy one (Baruch Hu) doesn't want me to do something then it's gonna be pretty damn hard for me to choose to (see Balamb). Now do I think I'm a prophet? I'm not saying that. Yet I do believe in a personal G-d. I do believe he cares about my choices and now believe more than ever He'll intercede for the sake of our partnership if the situation warrants it.
So as I said, I'm done. What that means, how that will play out in terms of church/temple/Da_club/wherever? I don't know. I'm just done