My fucked up reaction to the Metoo hashtag...
So much has been going on since I wrote last. Goodness… I should really update here more. It makes me feel better just to get things down in words. Strange how it’s easier to write like this in english than in swedish these days…
Anyhow!
I guess no one has missed the # metoo hashtag? Neither have I. It’s fucking depressing. I see all these women who hasn’t come forward until now. Who hasn’t gotten help. I’m a very caring person, so I fucking HURT for everyone. For every story I see. And I freaking bleed when I see that so many of my old and new friends have gone through the same.
And I… haven’t. Drunk shit talking I don’t count. Because I am JUST as bad, to be quite honest (thanks mom). But I haven’t been grabbed against my will, no one has tried to talk me into sex. Last time I was catcalled I was… 12-13 years old.
When I was out partying with my friends growing up… I mean, you only need to be 18 years old to go to clubs and bars drinking here in Sweden. So when were out clubbing and dancing, my friends used me as a wall. Yeah, a wall.
So how do you think you use a fat girl as a wall? I’ll let you know.
We were a pretty big couple of friends then, standing in circle or pile of friends dancing our asses off. And, my smaller or thinner friends attracted attention from boys/young men. I didn’t. So my friends asked my help to get them away from them. So I just moved over and danced between my friend and whoever boy/young man tried to get their attention. I was a wall / safety net between them and the unwanted attention.
That’s how you use a fat girl as a wall.
My brain is a really fucked up place right now. Because all these Metoo stories, my brain keeps telling me and asking me… ‘Well, there must be something wrong with you.. Because if you’d been normal you’d also have been sexually assaulted or raped. Because that’s the normal thing, that’s what desirable pretty girls got. You didn’t, you scared men off from doing that, so there must be something wrong with you.’
Thanks brain. Thanks a whole lot. I’m just going to crawl into a dark corner, because I don’t even know……
Happier post in the future, I hope.
This entry is cross posted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.
Anyhow!
I guess no one has missed the # metoo hashtag? Neither have I. It’s fucking depressing. I see all these women who hasn’t come forward until now. Who hasn’t gotten help. I’m a very caring person, so I fucking HURT for everyone. For every story I see. And I freaking bleed when I see that so many of my old and new friends have gone through the same.
And I… haven’t. Drunk shit talking I don’t count. Because I am JUST as bad, to be quite honest (thanks mom). But I haven’t been grabbed against my will, no one has tried to talk me into sex. Last time I was catcalled I was… 12-13 years old.
When I was out partying with my friends growing up… I mean, you only need to be 18 years old to go to clubs and bars drinking here in Sweden. So when were out clubbing and dancing, my friends used me as a wall. Yeah, a wall.
So how do you think you use a fat girl as a wall? I’ll let you know.
We were a pretty big couple of friends then, standing in circle or pile of friends dancing our asses off. And, my smaller or thinner friends attracted attention from boys/young men. I didn’t. So my friends asked my help to get them away from them. So I just moved over and danced between my friend and whoever boy/young man tried to get their attention. I was a wall / safety net between them and the unwanted attention.
That’s how you use a fat girl as a wall.
My brain is a really fucked up place right now. Because all these Metoo stories, my brain keeps telling me and asking me… ‘Well, there must be something wrong with you.. Because if you’d been normal you’d also have been sexually assaulted or raped. Because that’s the normal thing, that’s what desirable pretty girls got. You didn’t, you scared men off from doing that, so there must be something wrong with you.’
Thanks brain. Thanks a whole lot. I’m just going to crawl into a dark corner, because I don’t even know……
Happier post in the future, I hope.
This entry is cross posted between LJ and DW. Comment where you are comfortable.