*puts the pipe down*
I done wrote crackfic. Cain/everyone. Ever. Really.
In his final moments, he found himself musing on how his obituary would read: Wyatt Cain, Tin Man, Hero of the Eclipse, and Personal Bodyguard of the Princess DG, passed away as a direct result of sexual exhaustion.
It had all started out with Glitch turning up at his door blubbering about how scared he was of the upcoming surgery to retun his brain, and could he please sleep in Cain's room. The tin man had tried to comfort his friend as stoically as possible, but the sexual tension could only remain unresolved for so long. The fact that Glitch forgot the entire thing and started the process over again an hour later did not help matters.
The next day a somewhat haggard Cain was assaulted by DG, who flung herself into his arms and cried her heart out about the pressures of being a princess, how she didn't fit in, how he was the only one who truly understood her and could they please have sex this instant on his desk. Cain sighed, but when her massive, soulful azure eyes met his icy blue ones his heart melted, and he was undone for the afternoon.
A bawling Glitch was at his door again that night. Fortunately his sugery was the next day so he'd leave him alone for a bit. Maybe. To refocus himself Cain went to see Zero in prison the following morning, where the usual taunting turned into the unusual epic and really really hawt hate!sex.
Guilt began to eat at Cain, for he was still mourning his beloved Adora. He refrained from shedding even a single emo tear, for Wyatt Cain was far too manly for such histrionics. Instead he went to see Jeb, to reconnect with his dear boy who was now a handsome young man who had other ideas of what they needed to reconnect about. Even more guilt-ridden (and more than a little skeeved out), Cain tracked down Raw to try and get some perspective, but the Viewer looked into his soul and was just so understanding and...
Cain got very drunk after that. The next thing he knew he was being pinned to his bed by a cheerfully grinning Gli- Ambrose who was explaining that he remembered everything and of course they could get married. He was shoved away by DG (where the hells had she come from?) who proclaimed that Cain was obviously marrying HER. Cain pistol-whipped himself to get out of that argument.
The queen turned up and started talking about how she was grateful to have her kingdom and children and advisor and husband returned to her, but Ahamo was different, not the homesy down-to-earth man she'd fallen in love with. After her Ahamo himself appeared and started telling Cain about the difficulties of making sacrifices for one's family, and surely Cain understood that best of anyone.
Finally there was Azkadellia, who got straight to the point and demanded help getting out of her corset.
Sadly, there was no mercy in death, for once reaching the astral plane Cain was swiftly pounced on by the spectre of darling Adora.
FIN.
ETA: lawl fandom secrets!
In his final moments, he found himself musing on how his obituary would read: Wyatt Cain, Tin Man, Hero of the Eclipse, and Personal Bodyguard of the Princess DG, passed away as a direct result of sexual exhaustion.
It had all started out with Glitch turning up at his door blubbering about how scared he was of the upcoming surgery to retun his brain, and could he please sleep in Cain's room. The tin man had tried to comfort his friend as stoically as possible, but the sexual tension could only remain unresolved for so long. The fact that Glitch forgot the entire thing and started the process over again an hour later did not help matters.
The next day a somewhat haggard Cain was assaulted by DG, who flung herself into his arms and cried her heart out about the pressures of being a princess, how she didn't fit in, how he was the only one who truly understood her and could they please have sex this instant on his desk. Cain sighed, but when her massive, soulful azure eyes met his icy blue ones his heart melted, and he was undone for the afternoon.
A bawling Glitch was at his door again that night. Fortunately his sugery was the next day so he'd leave him alone for a bit. Maybe. To refocus himself Cain went to see Zero in prison the following morning, where the usual taunting turned into the unusual epic and really really hawt hate!sex.
Guilt began to eat at Cain, for he was still mourning his beloved Adora. He refrained from shedding even a single emo tear, for Wyatt Cain was far too manly for such histrionics. Instead he went to see Jeb, to reconnect with his dear boy who was now a handsome young man who had other ideas of what they needed to reconnect about. Even more guilt-ridden (and more than a little skeeved out), Cain tracked down Raw to try and get some perspective, but the Viewer looked into his soul and was just so understanding and...
Cain got very drunk after that. The next thing he knew he was being pinned to his bed by a cheerfully grinning Gli- Ambrose who was explaining that he remembered everything and of course they could get married. He was shoved away by DG (where the hells had she come from?) who proclaimed that Cain was obviously marrying HER. Cain pistol-whipped himself to get out of that argument.
The queen turned up and started talking about how she was grateful to have her kingdom and children and advisor and husband returned to her, but Ahamo was different, not the homesy down-to-earth man she'd fallen in love with. After her Ahamo himself appeared and started telling Cain about the difficulties of making sacrifices for one's family, and surely Cain understood that best of anyone.
Finally there was Azkadellia, who got straight to the point and demanded help getting out of her corset.
Sadly, there was no mercy in death, for once reaching the astral plane Cain was swiftly pounced on by the spectre of darling Adora.
FIN.
ETA: lawl fandom secrets!
