This is still Beth's fault
Slight re-write of the thing I wrote the other day of Krys and Robie bitching. With added bitching AND casting!
"I really bloody hate you," Robie (played by Colin Firth) snapped.
Krys (played by Hal Sparks) scowled. "Dude, I never did anything to you."
"You killed Candicen that one time."
"Okay, first off: I was totally possessed by an entity from hell. Second? She's not dead anymore. Finally... stop the hell macking on my girl!"
"Fine, that wasn't really relevant. How about this: you're an arrogant twat with an overinflated sense of self importance who thinks the world owes him something."
He got boggled at. "Wow. Projecting much?"
"And you talk like a teenage girl!"
"So?"
"Well, it's bloody annoying, isn't it?"
Krys rolled his eyes. "Look, let me save you the trouble and tell you why you hate me."
Robie gave him blank look # 35 (the "this better be interesting" one).
The redhead grinned in reply. "You, sir, are jealous of me."
Something unusual happened: Robie started laughing. A lot. And channeling the Sixth Doctor. "Jealous? JEALOUS? Of you? Oh, do enlighten me."
"Well, I'm a rock star. That's way better than being king of the planet."
"Lord of Baylet. And no it is not."
"Whatever. I'm also way, way prettier than you."
"Did I mention the ego? The vanity? The incessant preening?"
"Says the only other man in the house who gets maniicures."
"I'm a fucking politician, it comes with the territory."
At this point Randy (played by a long-haired Nathan Fillion) walked in. "How are you guys doing?"
"Hey Ran," Krys greeting, waving and rattling his chains. "I'm apparently an arrogant twat who talks like a teenage girl, and- wait, have you accused me of being gay yet?"
Robie considered. "No, but now that you mention it... yes. Camp as Christmas and queerer than a spotted zebra."
"Do what, now?"
"That good, huh," Randy sighed. "Okay, look: either figure out how to get along or we'll leave you out here forever."
"No you won't," Robie said viciously. "You can't and you won't. You'll break before we do."
"Plus I can escape whenever I want," Krys added cheerfully. "I'm a superhero."
Randy and Robie rolled their eyes, then Laura (played by Laura Harris) poked her head in. "Psychic dampeners, sweetie, you're stuck."
Krys pouted. "I hate you."
"I love you," Robie said sincerely, going all puppy-eyed and innocent.
"Love ya too, Bear, but you're being an asshole. Bye!" She blew him a kiss and popped out again. Robie pouted.
Krys turned his glare to Randy. "I hate you, too."
"Stop lying, Killer," Randy chided. He then blew him a kiss and left as well.
Robie boggled. "Is EVERYONE gay now?"
"If you read the right fanfic."
"WHAT?"
"Nothing."
They sat in uncompanionable silence for a bit. "Know what else you're jealous of?" Krys began again.
"Don't even tell me."
"I've pulled more than you."
"That's because you're a slut. And it's probably not true."
"O RLY?"
"YA RLY."
"Okay, I go first: Lisa."
"That doesn't count, EVERYONE'S had Lisa."
"'Cept you."
"Don't be digusting."
"Your turn."
"Bloody hell... Sylvia Ness."
"Summer Westing."
"Emily O'Flaherty."
"...wait, who?"
"College."
"Ah. Amy Devonshinre."
"Mrs. Catherine Douglas."
"You dog!"
"Your turn."
"Uh... various people at Sushalla. Not sure if any of them count because I wasn't exactly me."
"Erm, well... Laura." There was a pause. "Wait, various PEOPLE?"
"There's no way in hell you expected me to be celibate for sixty years."
"No, but PEOPLE?"
"And Candi," Krys said, ignoring him. "And Lisa again because it's totally different."
"...PEOPLE?"
"In any case I have pulled more than you."
"Well you are rather a bit older than I am."
Krys raised his eyebrows. "O RLY?"
"I am not doing that again."
"Worth a try. So, what, you think you're going to catch up in the fullness of time?" He eyed the blond man warily. "You have a track record with married women, I should probably watch my back."
"Cat started it."
"That doesn't reassure me."
"Sounds like a personal problem to me."
"Hi boys!" Candicen (played by Bjork) announced as she bounced into the room. "Can I get you anything? Food? Water? Percussion weapons?"
"I'd like a cigarette," Krys stated brightly. "Think you could manage that, babe?"
She rolled her eyes and ruffled his hair, which he leaned into with a smug look at Robie.
"He's very insecure of his manhood, you realize," the Norian remarked blandly. "He thinks you're going to run off with me."
Candi sighed and thwapped Krys upside the head. "You're goofy. Now, really: food, water?"
What have I done...
"I really bloody hate you," Robie (played by Colin Firth) snapped.
Krys (played by Hal Sparks) scowled. "Dude, I never did anything to you."
"You killed Candicen that one time."
"Okay, first off: I was totally possessed by an entity from hell. Second? She's not dead anymore. Finally... stop the hell macking on my girl!"
"Fine, that wasn't really relevant. How about this: you're an arrogant twat with an overinflated sense of self importance who thinks the world owes him something."
He got boggled at. "Wow. Projecting much?"
"And you talk like a teenage girl!"
"So?"
"Well, it's bloody annoying, isn't it?"
Krys rolled his eyes. "Look, let me save you the trouble and tell you why you hate me."
Robie gave him blank look # 35 (the "this better be interesting" one).
The redhead grinned in reply. "You, sir, are jealous of me."
Something unusual happened: Robie started laughing. A lot. And channeling the Sixth Doctor. "Jealous? JEALOUS? Of you? Oh, do enlighten me."
"Well, I'm a rock star. That's way better than being king of the planet."
"Lord of Baylet. And no it is not."
"Whatever. I'm also way, way prettier than you."
"Did I mention the ego? The vanity? The incessant preening?"
"Says the only other man in the house who gets maniicures."
"I'm a fucking politician, it comes with the territory."
At this point Randy (played by a long-haired Nathan Fillion) walked in. "How are you guys doing?"
"Hey Ran," Krys greeting, waving and rattling his chains. "I'm apparently an arrogant twat who talks like a teenage girl, and- wait, have you accused me of being gay yet?"
Robie considered. "No, but now that you mention it... yes. Camp as Christmas and queerer than a spotted zebra."
"Do what, now?"
"That good, huh," Randy sighed. "Okay, look: either figure out how to get along or we'll leave you out here forever."
"No you won't," Robie said viciously. "You can't and you won't. You'll break before we do."
"Plus I can escape whenever I want," Krys added cheerfully. "I'm a superhero."
Randy and Robie rolled their eyes, then Laura (played by Laura Harris) poked her head in. "Psychic dampeners, sweetie, you're stuck."
Krys pouted. "I hate you."
"I love you," Robie said sincerely, going all puppy-eyed and innocent.
"Love ya too, Bear, but you're being an asshole. Bye!" She blew him a kiss and popped out again. Robie pouted.
Krys turned his glare to Randy. "I hate you, too."
"Stop lying, Killer," Randy chided. He then blew him a kiss and left as well.
Robie boggled. "Is EVERYONE gay now?"
"If you read the right fanfic."
"WHAT?"
"Nothing."
They sat in uncompanionable silence for a bit. "Know what else you're jealous of?" Krys began again.
"Don't even tell me."
"I've pulled more than you."
"That's because you're a slut. And it's probably not true."
"O RLY?"
"YA RLY."
"Okay, I go first: Lisa."
"That doesn't count, EVERYONE'S had Lisa."
"'Cept you."
"Don't be digusting."
"Your turn."
"Bloody hell... Sylvia Ness."
"Summer Westing."
"Emily O'Flaherty."
"...wait, who?"
"College."
"Ah. Amy Devonshinre."
"Mrs. Catherine Douglas."
"You dog!"
"Your turn."
"Uh... various people at Sushalla. Not sure if any of them count because I wasn't exactly me."
"Erm, well... Laura." There was a pause. "Wait, various PEOPLE?"
"There's no way in hell you expected me to be celibate for sixty years."
"No, but PEOPLE?"
"And Candi," Krys said, ignoring him. "And Lisa again because it's totally different."
"...PEOPLE?"
"In any case I have pulled more than you."
"Well you are rather a bit older than I am."
Krys raised his eyebrows. "O RLY?"
"I am not doing that again."
"Worth a try. So, what, you think you're going to catch up in the fullness of time?" He eyed the blond man warily. "You have a track record with married women, I should probably watch my back."
"Cat started it."
"That doesn't reassure me."
"Sounds like a personal problem to me."
"Hi boys!" Candicen (played by Bjork) announced as she bounced into the room. "Can I get you anything? Food? Water? Percussion weapons?"
"I'd like a cigarette," Krys stated brightly. "Think you could manage that, babe?"
She rolled her eyes and ruffled his hair, which he leaned into with a smug look at Robie.
"He's very insecure of his manhood, you realize," the Norian remarked blandly. "He thinks you're going to run off with me."
Candi sighed and thwapped Krys upside the head. "You're goofy. Now, really: food, water?"
What have I done...