I don't know what to say...
Wanna see what stupid shit Hiller did this weekend?!
This weekend was quite the mindfuck. We had a party planned for the 3rd, close family friends and family only, to celebrate TJ's 23rd birthday/My graduating from college. And we had just that, friends that we've known our whole lives, and family. There were a couple of acceptions, though. We had TJ's new girlfriend there, as well as Jodys'. It was a beautiful day for a get-together. We had plenty of food, and enough alcohol to kill a small army. We started, and I was the DJ for the party (of course), that way I didn't get stuck listening to a bunch of shit I didn't want to listen to.
We played some games of horseshoes, and of course every time I played I got my ass kicked. It's just not my game. Not like any game really is, for that matter. I'm just not competitive enough to give a shit about winning or losing. I just like to play. It's quite possibly the only qwerk about myself I wish I could change. I've always felt like such a loser 'cuz I don't give a shit about winning... and when I DO win something, it feels funny, like somehow I did something wrong. How fucked is that?!
Well, after a while, more people showed up, and one of TJ's long-time friends Tom, finally got there. He's a good kid, a little touched, but then again who of our friends isn't a little touched? Well, as we hung out, I decided I needed to go inside and get my shot classes, and have some shots of good hard alcohol. And for me, that's never a good idea. But whatever, like I ever listen to myself. So I went to the cooler, and what did I see at the top, but
Yeah, this is by far not the thing I should have been tapping into after already consuming a couple of Bud Lights. But again, do I listen to me?! Hardly. So yeah, I twisted off the cap, and poured myself a shot. I asked if anyone wanted to join me, but everyone passed. Bunch of fucking pussies. So yeah, I took a shot. Damn, did it burn. But I'm no pansy, so I passed on a chaser. Not even 5 minutes went by, and I did a second shot. I know, don't ask me...
But as I did the 2nd shot, Tom saw me slam it down and not do a chaser. He says "Wow man, you're pretty hardcore. Do you think you could do a 4-shot shooter of 151?! My boss at work says it can't be done, but I'll pay you $20 if you can do it... 1 shot, no stopping for air or anything." Being all cocky 'cuz I've already had a few Buds and had my ass kicked at horseshoes a couple of times, drinking is where I accel. I said "Hell yeah dude, if you wanna get your shooter, I'll do a 4-shot of 151. Sure you wanna owe me $20?!" And being Tom, he said "Well yeah bud, I'll go home and get it. But you better do it." A few minutes after he left to go get the shooter glass, I walked in the house to get a can of Mt. Dew. I was in dire need of some caffeine. TJ stopped me, and he told me he talked me up to Tom, saying "You do realize you're gonna be out $20?! This is nothing for my brother!" That made me feel proud, that TJ had faith in me. It took Tom over an hour to get back. In the meantime, I drank another couple of beers, and I had something to eat. Tom finally showed up with it, and instantly starts pouring the shot. Everyone gathered around me with cameras and cellphone cameras and the like, as I hold the shot of death. All eyes were on me, and I don't fold under pressure. I looked around, gave my brother a shit-eating grin, and I slammed the whole shooter... all 4 shots, gone... and I actually let the last few drips drip down from the tube and down my throat, because I'm a cocky asshole when I wanna be. After I took the shots, I had to stand there for like 40 seconds and not talk, because the vapor from those 4 shots in my throat made it hard for me to breathe. So after that was done, I went and sat down. Wow, I instantly felt light-headed. It was a few minutes later, and Tom had the rest of the bottle in the shooter, which raised it to about the 3-shot line. And he said the famous words that rang through my head for the rest of the night. "If you finish the rest of this off, I'll give you $10 more." And without mssing a beat, Jody rang in with "Hell, I'll go in for $5!" So I was being asked to shoot 3 more shots for $15 additional. TJ told me "Don't do it bro... unless you think you can handle it! Don't be stupid." But I'm seeing dollar signs, so of course I'm not really listening to anyone. I'm already thinking of what I'll be doing with my $15. So for those of you that are doing the math, I've taken 6 shots of 151 in a little over an hour, and now I'm being talked into 3 more, for a total of 9 shots of 151. Not to mention adding it to the 4 Bud Lights I had already drank, and the greasy-ass food I had just got done eating. Yeah, this isn't adding up to a winning combination.
Then it happened... people started chanting my name. From then on, I was doing it no matter what. Next, the shot glass got handed to me. TJ shot me a look of death, and I looked around to see all the smiles that, if they could talk, would say "Look at this stupid bastard. He's trying to drink himself to death." What did I do next? Yep, you guessed it... I did the last 3 shots. Fucking moron. Fucking stupid asshole moron. Apparently I participated in the party some more, taking the occasional few minutes for a time out while I passed out in my seat at the picnic table, then going back around to socialize. When I get obliterated drunk - to the point where my memory isn't working - I'm the happiest drunk you'll meet. All I want to do is hug and shake hands with everyone.
I passed out again, and this time I decided to do a swan dive on to the ground, without using my hands to cushion my fall. And yeah, this is where the night went from bad to worse. I did it. I started throwing up really violently. I don't remember doing it, all I remember is warm liquid coming back up my throat, so I'll take the words of the people that watched me. And apparently, when I got done, I rolled in to it a couple of times, then I wanted to shake hands with all the guys. Apparently I gave TJ a huge handshake and I told him that I lived him. But TJ said I did the funniest thing next. I gave Tom, the guy that did this to me, a vomit-covered headlock. From here on out I have flashes of memory, it's nothing consecutive or concrete. At one point, I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub, and TJ is threatening to tackle me into the tub if I don't get in there willingly. So I guess I held my nose like I was going to dive into the water, and I slid back into the tub with a BANG! Next thing I remember is there's warm water splashing off me, and people keep coming by to ask me how I'm doing. But at this point I'm not capable of putting together complete sentences, so I just did hand gestures that conveyed the "I'm about as okay as I can possibly be right now."
Next thing I remember is blasting up the break-neck stairs to my room, with TJ and Jody behind me. They told me they weren't going to change me, and I told them I had it under control. I started changing, and they walked down the stairs. I don't remember falling, but I fell. Oh man did I fall. For starters, I was trying to put on boxers with still partially damp legs and feet. Add in the fact that I'm pretty thoroughly smashed, and the less-than-flawless balance when stone cold sober. Well, I went to put 1 leg into my boxers (I'm bare-ass naked at this point), and they stick to the inside of my ankle. I fell, and I dropped both knees into the floor really hard, knocked all the books off my bookcase, and I smashed the hell out of my hamper. TJ and Jody came rushing back up the stairs to find my bare ass staring up at them. They told me to get up, which I did. They had me sit down, and put my boxers on, though they didn't help, or watch... which I was thankful for. Then they had me lay down on my bed, and they said they'd be back up to check on me in an hour. The next thing I remember is waking up at 2:30am, and the room was spinning around my head. I went to reach for the wall, but it didn't help. I closed my eyes, and it felt like the room was spinning faster than when I had my eyes open. That coutinued for about the next 10 minutes or so, and then I passed out again. Damn, what a crazy-ass night. And the sad thing is, that for the most part, I don't like the way it ended. Everyone taking care of my stupid drunk ass. Oh well, what can I do about it now but bitch?! Well, I guess you only graduate once. Thankfully...
Peace, Love, and Nekked Squirrels!
~Hiller™
This weekend was quite the mindfuck. We had a party planned for the 3rd, close family friends and family only, to celebrate TJ's 23rd birthday/My graduating from college. And we had just that, friends that we've known our whole lives, and family. There were a couple of acceptions, though. We had TJ's new girlfriend there, as well as Jodys'. It was a beautiful day for a get-together. We had plenty of food, and enough alcohol to kill a small army. We started, and I was the DJ for the party (of course), that way I didn't get stuck listening to a bunch of shit I didn't want to listen to.
We played some games of horseshoes, and of course every time I played I got my ass kicked. It's just not my game. Not like any game really is, for that matter. I'm just not competitive enough to give a shit about winning or losing. I just like to play. It's quite possibly the only qwerk about myself I wish I could change. I've always felt like such a loser 'cuz I don't give a shit about winning... and when I DO win something, it feels funny, like somehow I did something wrong. How fucked is that?!
Well, after a while, more people showed up, and one of TJ's long-time friends Tom, finally got there. He's a good kid, a little touched, but then again who of our friends isn't a little touched? Well, as we hung out, I decided I needed to go inside and get my shot classes, and have some shots of good hard alcohol. And for me, that's never a good idea. But whatever, like I ever listen to myself. So I went to the cooler, and what did I see at the top, but
Yeah, this is by far not the thing I should have been tapping into after already consuming a couple of Bud Lights. But again, do I listen to me?! Hardly. So yeah, I twisted off the cap, and poured myself a shot. I asked if anyone wanted to join me, but everyone passed. Bunch of fucking pussies. So yeah, I took a shot. Damn, did it burn. But I'm no pansy, so I passed on a chaser. Not even 5 minutes went by, and I did a second shot. I know, don't ask me...
But as I did the 2nd shot, Tom saw me slam it down and not do a chaser. He says "Wow man, you're pretty hardcore. Do you think you could do a 4-shot shooter of 151?! My boss at work says it can't be done, but I'll pay you $20 if you can do it... 1 shot, no stopping for air or anything." Being all cocky 'cuz I've already had a few Buds and had my ass kicked at horseshoes a couple of times, drinking is where I accel. I said "Hell yeah dude, if you wanna get your shooter, I'll do a 4-shot of 151. Sure you wanna owe me $20?!" And being Tom, he said "Well yeah bud, I'll go home and get it. But you better do it." A few minutes after he left to go get the shooter glass, I walked in the house to get a can of Mt. Dew. I was in dire need of some caffeine. TJ stopped me, and he told me he talked me up to Tom, saying "You do realize you're gonna be out $20?! This is nothing for my brother!" That made me feel proud, that TJ had faith in me. It took Tom over an hour to get back. In the meantime, I drank another couple of beers, and I had something to eat. Tom finally showed up with it, and instantly starts pouring the shot. Everyone gathered around me with cameras and cellphone cameras and the like, as I hold the shot of death. All eyes were on me, and I don't fold under pressure. I looked around, gave my brother a shit-eating grin, and I slammed the whole shooter... all 4 shots, gone... and I actually let the last few drips drip down from the tube and down my throat, because I'm a cocky asshole when I wanna be. After I took the shots, I had to stand there for like 40 seconds and not talk, because the vapor from those 4 shots in my throat made it hard for me to breathe. So after that was done, I went and sat down. Wow, I instantly felt light-headed. It was a few minutes later, and Tom had the rest of the bottle in the shooter, which raised it to about the 3-shot line. And he said the famous words that rang through my head for the rest of the night. "If you finish the rest of this off, I'll give you $10 more." And without mssing a beat, Jody rang in with "Hell, I'll go in for $5!" So I was being asked to shoot 3 more shots for $15 additional. TJ told me "Don't do it bro... unless you think you can handle it! Don't be stupid." But I'm seeing dollar signs, so of course I'm not really listening to anyone. I'm already thinking of what I'll be doing with my $15. So for those of you that are doing the math, I've taken 6 shots of 151 in a little over an hour, and now I'm being talked into 3 more, for a total of 9 shots of 151. Not to mention adding it to the 4 Bud Lights I had already drank, and the greasy-ass food I had just got done eating. Yeah, this isn't adding up to a winning combination.
Then it happened... people started chanting my name. From then on, I was doing it no matter what. Next, the shot glass got handed to me. TJ shot me a look of death, and I looked around to see all the smiles that, if they could talk, would say "Look at this stupid bastard. He's trying to drink himself to death." What did I do next? Yep, you guessed it... I did the last 3 shots. Fucking moron. Fucking stupid asshole moron. Apparently I participated in the party some more, taking the occasional few minutes for a time out while I passed out in my seat at the picnic table, then going back around to socialize. When I get obliterated drunk - to the point where my memory isn't working - I'm the happiest drunk you'll meet. All I want to do is hug and shake hands with everyone.
I passed out again, and this time I decided to do a swan dive on to the ground, without using my hands to cushion my fall. And yeah, this is where the night went from bad to worse. I did it. I started throwing up really violently. I don't remember doing it, all I remember is warm liquid coming back up my throat, so I'll take the words of the people that watched me. And apparently, when I got done, I rolled in to it a couple of times, then I wanted to shake hands with all the guys. Apparently I gave TJ a huge handshake and I told him that I lived him. But TJ said I did the funniest thing next. I gave Tom, the guy that did this to me, a vomit-covered headlock. From here on out I have flashes of memory, it's nothing consecutive or concrete. At one point, I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub, and TJ is threatening to tackle me into the tub if I don't get in there willingly. So I guess I held my nose like I was going to dive into the water, and I slid back into the tub with a BANG! Next thing I remember is there's warm water splashing off me, and people keep coming by to ask me how I'm doing. But at this point I'm not capable of putting together complete sentences, so I just did hand gestures that conveyed the "I'm about as okay as I can possibly be right now."
Next thing I remember is blasting up the break-neck stairs to my room, with TJ and Jody behind me. They told me they weren't going to change me, and I told them I had it under control. I started changing, and they walked down the stairs. I don't remember falling, but I fell. Oh man did I fall. For starters, I was trying to put on boxers with still partially damp legs and feet. Add in the fact that I'm pretty thoroughly smashed, and the less-than-flawless balance when stone cold sober. Well, I went to put 1 leg into my boxers (I'm bare-ass naked at this point), and they stick to the inside of my ankle. I fell, and I dropped both knees into the floor really hard, knocked all the books off my bookcase, and I smashed the hell out of my hamper. TJ and Jody came rushing back up the stairs to find my bare ass staring up at them. They told me to get up, which I did. They had me sit down, and put my boxers on, though they didn't help, or watch... which I was thankful for. Then they had me lay down on my bed, and they said they'd be back up to check on me in an hour. The next thing I remember is waking up at 2:30am, and the room was spinning around my head. I went to reach for the wall, but it didn't help. I closed my eyes, and it felt like the room was spinning faster than when I had my eyes open. That coutinued for about the next 10 minutes or so, and then I passed out again. Damn, what a crazy-ass night. And the sad thing is, that for the most part, I don't like the way it ended. Everyone taking care of my stupid drunk ass. Oh well, what can I do about it now but bitch?! Well, I guess you only graduate once. Thankfully...
Peace, Love, and Nekked Squirrels!
~Hiller™