Week 1: I Need the Struggle to Feel Alive
Hello, there, my old friend.
Why do you look so surprised? So scared? Oh. You thought I was gone. Sweet, child, no. I've always been here. You didn't know that?
It’s okay. I understand. You thought now that you're older, married, and have a job you like that I wasn't going to come back. I don't think you realize, I’ve never really left.
No? You don't believe me? Remember the times you've laid awake in bed, not able to fall asleep due to some unknown anxiety? That was me. What about the feelings of not being good enough for those you love? That was me, too. That feeling of uncertainty about your very existence that you try to push away daily? Me again.
I know your darkest secrets. After all, I am one of them. I know that since I've been hiding, you've been wondering when I'd reappear. You've actually been hoping I would. Without me, you felt you lost apart of yourself. A vital part that defines who you are. You lived for the struggle. And without it-without me-then who are you?
In your heart you know that it’s always been just you and me. You think your husband can protect you? You’ve put your faith, your happiness into others before, and you’ve always come back to me. I am your safety net. I am your home.
Go ahead. Try to ignore me; try to pretend I’m not here. We both know that never lasts for long. You will come back to me, and forsake everyone else. You will not be whole until you welcome me back in.
Why do you look so surprised? So scared? Oh. You thought I was gone. Sweet, child, no. I've always been here. You didn't know that?
It’s okay. I understand. You thought now that you're older, married, and have a job you like that I wasn't going to come back. I don't think you realize, I’ve never really left.
No? You don't believe me? Remember the times you've laid awake in bed, not able to fall asleep due to some unknown anxiety? That was me. What about the feelings of not being good enough for those you love? That was me, too. That feeling of uncertainty about your very existence that you try to push away daily? Me again.
I know your darkest secrets. After all, I am one of them. I know that since I've been hiding, you've been wondering when I'd reappear. You've actually been hoping I would. Without me, you felt you lost apart of yourself. A vital part that defines who you are. You lived for the struggle. And without it-without me-then who are you?
In your heart you know that it’s always been just you and me. You think your husband can protect you? You’ve put your faith, your happiness into others before, and you’ve always come back to me. I am your safety net. I am your home.
Go ahead. Try to ignore me; try to pretend I’m not here. We both know that never lasts for long. You will come back to me, and forsake everyone else. You will not be whole until you welcome me back in.