womanly ish
When I was younger, I remember frequently thinking negatively about my body, about how "fat" I was and how the things I was eating were so awful for me and that I shouldn't be eating after whatever time at night, and things like that.
That's changed drastically and I'm so glad about it.
No longer are there any lamentations about eating something delicious because it's high in calories. No longer the statements, "I need more exercise. I'm such a fatty." (Well, I still say things like this occasionally, but it's in a joking sort of way. A lot of my humor is self-deprecating. Though now that I think about it, I might be sending the wrong messages to certain people unable to pick up on the fact that it's a joke, so maybe I should be more careful.) I don't see pictures of myself and think, "god, that's such a bad picture; am I really that fat?" And I don't even really react positively or negatively if I get a comment from someone else to the tune of "You look like you've lost weight!" (It seems like that's become, like, some kind of staple statement for female interaction. I don't really like that.)
Now my brain's focus on eating healthier and getting more exercise is because of the fact that I know I'd feel better if I did both of those things, rather than focusing on looking a certain way. It seems as though whether I eat what I want, when I want, I stay the same weight as when I restrict my diet. So I may as well enjoy myself and eat some tasty shit, right?
I still have some lingering issues--primarily disability-related or related to the fact that I don't follow the status quo re: shaving--but about 90% of the time, I feel pretty damn good about my body. Finally. :)
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I went and saw a production of The Vagina Monologues at The Redhouse "Arts Center" in Syracuse tonight. It was done by a group of girls from Manlius Pebble Hill's high school, which was awesome--apparently in 2007 they were the only high school in the country to do a production of it, and this year they're one of only a handful. I really enjoyed it.
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I'm craving stereotypically "girly" stuff lately. I've been wearing makeup more, trying on long-neglected jewelry that I find in my bedroom, painting my nails, and wanting to wear my hair up. It's unusual for me and I'm enjoying it. I'm going to see if I can paint my toenails sometime soon, I think, since it's probably been since about first grade since they've been painted.
- - - - -
Sunday I might be getting to hang out with Doug for the first time in aaaaaages, and though he can be a little obnoxious for several different reasons, he's very pop culture-savvy and outspoken and pretty hilarious, and I've missed him.
That's changed drastically and I'm so glad about it.
No longer are there any lamentations about eating something delicious because it's high in calories. No longer the statements, "I need more exercise. I'm such a fatty." (Well, I still say things like this occasionally, but it's in a joking sort of way. A lot of my humor is self-deprecating. Though now that I think about it, I might be sending the wrong messages to certain people unable to pick up on the fact that it's a joke, so maybe I should be more careful.) I don't see pictures of myself and think, "god, that's such a bad picture; am I really that fat?" And I don't even really react positively or negatively if I get a comment from someone else to the tune of "You look like you've lost weight!" (It seems like that's become, like, some kind of staple statement for female interaction. I don't really like that.)
Now my brain's focus on eating healthier and getting more exercise is because of the fact that I know I'd feel better if I did both of those things, rather than focusing on looking a certain way. It seems as though whether I eat what I want, when I want, I stay the same weight as when I restrict my diet. So I may as well enjoy myself and eat some tasty shit, right?
I still have some lingering issues--primarily disability-related or related to the fact that I don't follow the status quo re: shaving--but about 90% of the time, I feel pretty damn good about my body. Finally. :)
- - - - -
I went and saw a production of The Vagina Monologues at The Redhouse "Arts Center" in Syracuse tonight. It was done by a group of girls from Manlius Pebble Hill's high school, which was awesome--apparently in 2007 they were the only high school in the country to do a production of it, and this year they're one of only a handful. I really enjoyed it.
- - - - -
I'm craving stereotypically "girly" stuff lately. I've been wearing makeup more, trying on long-neglected jewelry that I find in my bedroom, painting my nails, and wanting to wear my hair up. It's unusual for me and I'm enjoying it. I'm going to see if I can paint my toenails sometime soon, I think, since it's probably been since about first grade since they've been painted.
- - - - -
Sunday I might be getting to hang out with Doug for the first time in aaaaaages, and though he can be a little obnoxious for several different reasons, he's very pop culture-savvy and outspoken and pretty hilarious, and I've missed him.