(no subject)
Ultra-quick backstory: I started taking college classes again in January.
(That was the backstory.)
Since I don't know anyone on campus other than being not-even-quite-acquaintances with my classmates (and I barely even have "friends" in this state PERIOD), I've been looking for opportunities to reach out and connect with others. So just this past week, I happened upon a sign in the cafeteria that THAT VERY SAME DAY there was a meeting for the campus LGBT organization. So I sought out the group and met with them. The meeting was very informal: it was me, the faculty advisor, the club's student president and student secretary, and one other interested student. We basically just sat informally around a cafeteria table and discussed plans to go on a group outing on Friday night. I was invited, and was told that I could bring a partner, so I did. I brought Matt.
I specifically did not mention at all whether my partner was male, female, or other.
And I'm wondering if people assumed I was gay, because of my interest in the club, and also because my appearance might sway people towards that assumption.
(This is getting sort of rambly but I'm trying to figure this out for myself, mostly; and have it to look back upon.)
I guess I'm just... wanting to "come out" as bisexual. Wanting to not be automatically assumed to be heterosexual just because I'm in a relationship with a man at present. Wanting to feel more comfortable in my sorta-queer skin.
See, working on the marriage equality campaign... it's not so much that I felt like it was "us" and "them," but Matt and I were always painted as straight allies. I wasn't wholly comfortable with that at the time but wasn't sure how to correct people. I've internalized the idea of bi women being something of a joke: that's only something girls do in their twenties, or to have threesomes with their boyfriends. I know those are both crappy assumptions and generalizations and all that but the feeling remains. I don't want to be like "WELL WAIT A MINUTE..." when I have the privilege of being able to marry the one person I'm currently in a relationship with.
I also have never so much as kissed a girl, or held hands with one in a romantic kinda way.
I really, really want to do more with a woman. I also feel somewhat fake proclaiming bisexuality when I'd probably get anxiety tremors if I had any real prospective female-bodied sexual partner trying to pursue me in any sort of real-life fashion. (I've had a couple sexual pseudo-relationships with women online; very brief things, they were.)
I really need to familiarize myself with the process of coming out as bi. I need to fucking do it (come out, that is), where it's appropriate. I need to kiss some girls, and not just for Matt to watch. I don't want it to be something that's just "in vogue" for me right now (even though, y'know, sexuality is fluid and maybe in the future I wouldn't be so interested in a sexual/romantic same-sex relationship).
(That was the backstory.)
Since I don't know anyone on campus other than being not-even-quite-acquaintances with my classmates (and I barely even have "friends" in this state PERIOD), I've been looking for opportunities to reach out and connect with others. So just this past week, I happened upon a sign in the cafeteria that THAT VERY SAME DAY there was a meeting for the campus LGBT organization. So I sought out the group and met with them. The meeting was very informal: it was me, the faculty advisor, the club's student president and student secretary, and one other interested student. We basically just sat informally around a cafeteria table and discussed plans to go on a group outing on Friday night. I was invited, and was told that I could bring a partner, so I did. I brought Matt.
I specifically did not mention at all whether my partner was male, female, or other.
And I'm wondering if people assumed I was gay, because of my interest in the club, and also because my appearance might sway people towards that assumption.
(This is getting sort of rambly but I'm trying to figure this out for myself, mostly; and have it to look back upon.)
I guess I'm just... wanting to "come out" as bisexual. Wanting to not be automatically assumed to be heterosexual just because I'm in a relationship with a man at present. Wanting to feel more comfortable in my sorta-queer skin.
See, working on the marriage equality campaign... it's not so much that I felt like it was "us" and "them," but Matt and I were always painted as straight allies. I wasn't wholly comfortable with that at the time but wasn't sure how to correct people. I've internalized the idea of bi women being something of a joke: that's only something girls do in their twenties, or to have threesomes with their boyfriends. I know those are both crappy assumptions and generalizations and all that but the feeling remains. I don't want to be like "WELL WAIT A MINUTE..." when I have the privilege of being able to marry the one person I'm currently in a relationship with.
I also have never so much as kissed a girl, or held hands with one in a romantic kinda way.
I really, really want to do more with a woman. I also feel somewhat fake proclaiming bisexuality when I'd probably get anxiety tremors if I had any real prospective female-bodied sexual partner trying to pursue me in any sort of real-life fashion. (I've had a couple sexual pseudo-relationships with women online; very brief things, they were.)
I really need to familiarize myself with the process of coming out as bi. I need to fucking do it (come out, that is), where it's appropriate. I need to kiss some girls, and not just for Matt to watch. I don't want it to be something that's just "in vogue" for me right now (even though, y'know, sexuality is fluid and maybe in the future I wouldn't be so interested in a sexual/romantic same-sex relationship).