Oh it is love from the first time I pressed my hand into yours thinking "oh is it love?"
Yeah.. so recently as I've actually had time to think, I've been pondering some pretty deep things. I'm 18 years old.. this is the age I've been dreaming about since I was a little girl. I thought all my dreams would come true at 18 (no, this is not a post to complain about how I have nothing). And then I realized, its been almost 9 months since I turned 18, and I have yet to do any of the crazy things I wanted to do when I was little-- and I think thats mostly because I have no desire to do those things anymore. The idea of going out and getting trashed really does not appeal to me, I get bad enough headaches as it is, I really don't need to induce them upon myself. My modesty rating has totally changed even in the past year; I don't like wearing short skirts without leggings, I don't want to show off the "girls" that aren't even there to begin with, and I don't really like being seen in a tank top. This isn't because I think I'm ugly, its because I feel uncomfortable having that much skin showing. I guess my looks (meaning my face) must have matured within the past year, because this really started when older men started hitting on me. There was the whole fiasco with my voice teacher, and theres always the stupid construction workers that drive by and stare like they're looking at the most juicy piece of meat they've ever seen, and I just hate that people do that to me. It doesn't flatter me, it doesn't even make me feel pretty-- It makes me feel worthless and unloved. Now again, I'm not trying to complain here. I kinda got off track so lets get back on. The point to all of this is that even though I'm 18, I don't feel 18, I feel like I'm somewhere in the high 20's. And even more then that, I have no desire to feel 18. I don't want to be another skank walking down the street in a TINY little skirt that my butt is practically hanging out of, and a shirt that leaves me looking like I'm trying to be Paris Hilton or Britney Spears.
So where does that leave me? I'm 18, but I'm not. I'm 25, but I'm not. School is a main priority right now, not going out and partying with friends. I love going to Bible study, cause I feel like thats the one place that I am truely accepted by girls around my age. I don't think I'm boring, but I have fun in a way that most people don't see as fun. Now mind you (for those of you who know me well), this semester was incredibly rediculous work wise, but its over now and I can let loose a little. Anyway.. I really don't have any sort of conclusion, but I just needed to write these things down.. because I feel a lot better when I write about whats going on inside me.
So where does that leave me? I'm 18, but I'm not. I'm 25, but I'm not. School is a main priority right now, not going out and partying with friends. I love going to Bible study, cause I feel like thats the one place that I am truely accepted by girls around my age. I don't think I'm boring, but I have fun in a way that most people don't see as fun. Now mind you (for those of you who know me well), this semester was incredibly rediculous work wise, but its over now and I can let loose a little. Anyway.. I really don't have any sort of conclusion, but I just needed to write these things down.. because I feel a lot better when I write about whats going on inside me.