(no subject)
There are times when I just want to shoot my own head because it contains so much batshit.
I was isomniac last night and somehow between the boundary of consciousness and sleep, I had the most fucked up thought/dream ever, and then I freaked over the fact that my brain could come up with such a sick notion.
I saw through layers of tubes, my parents sobbing under a ceiling which looked so obscenely bright that it reminded me the hell nightmare I had years ago. So maybe I should have made the knot tighter, or jumped off a higher building, whatever. Nothing mattered anymore when I realised I could not feel my own body. Yet I could still think. My brain screamed when they decided to put me on life support forever because they loved me too much and didn't have the heart. I thought of my friends, my love, and all those who knew me, wondering why I wouldn't be there at a particular place, at a particular time. The scream was endless. Hell is hospital white. All I thought was that: I just want to die.
***
...There needs to be a "I hate myself" club, where we can swap lives, and then we'll learn.
I was isomniac last night and somehow between the boundary of consciousness and sleep, I had the most fucked up thought/dream ever, and then I freaked over the fact that my brain could come up with such a sick notion.
I saw through layers of tubes, my parents sobbing under a ceiling which looked so obscenely bright that it reminded me the hell nightmare I had years ago. So maybe I should have made the knot tighter, or jumped off a higher building, whatever. Nothing mattered anymore when I realised I could not feel my own body. Yet I could still think. My brain screamed when they decided to put me on life support forever because they loved me too much and didn't have the heart. I thought of my friends, my love, and all those who knew me, wondering why I wouldn't be there at a particular place, at a particular time. The scream was endless. Hell is hospital white. All I thought was that: I just want to die.
***
...There needs to be a "I hate myself" club, where we can swap lives, and then we'll learn.