I don't even get a break...
Just when I had a handle on things, just when I thought I could pull it all under control...
Over the most trivial of things, he wants to break it. He says give it a week. He says maybe he'll feel different about it...in a week? Saturday? Maybe before?
I don't get it.
I feel like he's jumped to conclusions and I don't understand.
I feel used-up, betrayed and left in the dust.
Wasn't it me that got him into college? Wasn't that me, convincing his parents to let him go, helping to find alternative funds, filling out applications for grants and loans? Finding the figures, calculate, re-calculate.
Only to be left in the dust the second week he's there.
I didn't ditch him my freshman year of college. 19 credits my first semester and I called him almost every night at 9pm. I didn't expect that of him his freshman year, but when I'm freaking out, I expect maybe an hour of his time to talk. An hour that he's torn away from friends or a party to reassure me. That's not much.
And the smoking?
I asked Tara about it to verify - I didn't want to falsely accuse him, I didn't want to just come out of nowhere, and he had been telling me all summer long that he'd quit - why should he suddenly change his story?
But apparently it was taken as betrayal. Going behind his back, involving his friends in our fights.
I'd thought we could talk about it. Solve it. Make it work again.
Everything just hurts right now.
As much as all my friends are there for me, as much comfort as I've received, I feel like I was ripped apart and left for no good reason. It hurts to feel like he can just forget about it.
The last time he left me he still called every night - we could still talk.
Now he's really gone. For a week.
I can't talk to him, cuz I'll piss him off.
I posted in my DA journal which is prolly gonna piss him off, but if he's going to make me feel this way I have every right to express how I feel.
--
Forever, by Beborn Beton
Why dont you see, this pain lasts forever?
We would be living together apart. We wouldnt go far.
We would never be able to cope with, the ones that we are.
So let us be what we shall be.
Forever.
Sometimes Im sad and i cry and I wish it would rain.
Sometimes when I see dispair in your eyes and you need someone to help you get over the pain.
Though I try to hold on to my dreams.
Of a world without anger and fear.
Its so hard to believe we'll be saved from whats going on.
Here in my realm I allow you to tell me your needs.
here is the peace that you seek. When you bleed.
From the wounds you take from living the life you beseech.
Did i tell you I knew all along?
Dont you think there is some kind of truth in it,
Wasnt it you who walked out on me, wasnt that you?
Why dont you see that this pain lasts forever?
We would be living together apart. For we wouldnt go far.
We would never be able to cope with the ones that we are.
So let us be what we shall be.
Forever.
Sometimes id like you to die, cause it drives me insane.
Theres a whole lot of china broken, But Im not the one to take over the blame.
And you knew that we had our chance.
Couldnt live with or without one another.
I guess we'd be better off dead then together.
Over the most trivial of things, he wants to break it. He says give it a week. He says maybe he'll feel different about it...in a week? Saturday? Maybe before?
I don't get it.
I feel like he's jumped to conclusions and I don't understand.
I feel used-up, betrayed and left in the dust.
Wasn't it me that got him into college? Wasn't that me, convincing his parents to let him go, helping to find alternative funds, filling out applications for grants and loans? Finding the figures, calculate, re-calculate.
Only to be left in the dust the second week he's there.
I didn't ditch him my freshman year of college. 19 credits my first semester and I called him almost every night at 9pm. I didn't expect that of him his freshman year, but when I'm freaking out, I expect maybe an hour of his time to talk. An hour that he's torn away from friends or a party to reassure me. That's not much.
And the smoking?
I asked Tara about it to verify - I didn't want to falsely accuse him, I didn't want to just come out of nowhere, and he had been telling me all summer long that he'd quit - why should he suddenly change his story?
But apparently it was taken as betrayal. Going behind his back, involving his friends in our fights.
I'd thought we could talk about it. Solve it. Make it work again.
Everything just hurts right now.
As much as all my friends are there for me, as much comfort as I've received, I feel like I was ripped apart and left for no good reason. It hurts to feel like he can just forget about it.
The last time he left me he still called every night - we could still talk.
Now he's really gone. For a week.
I can't talk to him, cuz I'll piss him off.
I posted in my DA journal which is prolly gonna piss him off, but if he's going to make me feel this way I have every right to express how I feel.
--
Forever, by Beborn Beton
Why dont you see, this pain lasts forever?
We would be living together apart. We wouldnt go far.
We would never be able to cope with, the ones that we are.
So let us be what we shall be.
Forever.
Sometimes Im sad and i cry and I wish it would rain.
Sometimes when I see dispair in your eyes and you need someone to help you get over the pain.
Though I try to hold on to my dreams.
Of a world without anger and fear.
Its so hard to believe we'll be saved from whats going on.
Here in my realm I allow you to tell me your needs.
here is the peace that you seek. When you bleed.
From the wounds you take from living the life you beseech.
Did i tell you I knew all along?
Dont you think there is some kind of truth in it,
Wasnt it you who walked out on me, wasnt that you?
Why dont you see that this pain lasts forever?
We would be living together apart. For we wouldnt go far.
We would never be able to cope with the ones that we are.
So let us be what we shall be.
Forever.
Sometimes id like you to die, cause it drives me insane.
Theres a whole lot of china broken, But Im not the one to take over the blame.
And you knew that we had our chance.
Couldnt live with or without one another.
I guess we'd be better off dead then together.