Stuff thats on my mind
It bothers me that Ive a) moved on from most of my friends and b) havent replaced them. It lowers my choices for when Im bored and am sick of hanging with the people Ive known for years. Im not a shy person, so I figure I ought to be able to make friends easily, but I find it hard to find people I click with easily.
Ditto for a boyfriend. Im rather lonely sometimes and I would desperately like someone to be there for and who will be there for me - as well as the sexual perks and constant affection and the thrill of recieving a text message out of the blue saying, I love you and youre so special to me. I really miss that. People think I miss a certain person but its not the pieces of shit Ive dated I want back, its the feeling of being totally in love in someone and knowing theyre totally in love with you. Like, I see Charlene all over Matt and the way her face lights up when her phone goes off, and it goes off constantly, I just think "What I wouldnt do to be that happy." But I meet people and I go, no, I dont have a connection with this person. With Shane and Chris, I knew instantly that I liked them, that Id give them a shot and it went from there. Nobody seems to measure up, and I dont want to waste my time on the random 3-week relationships Im prone to before I realise I really dont like this person and just crave the attention (yeah, the attention they dont bother to give me anyway).
I feel really bad about not wanting Shane because I know how it is when you love someone so much and they cant feel for you, and it hurts like all shit. I hate seeing him with his puppy eyes and going, dude, I so wish I could love you like I used to - we were happy together - but I moved on and I dont feel I can go back. I just want someone...but it cant just be anyone. I dont feel my expectations are too high. Its not like I have a long list of specific qualities and they have to meet every one. My list says, breathing, loves me, is funny and not a scab.
I dont know much about love anymore. Everytime I think Ive got it, something happens to completely throw my view and I go, "That contradicts everything I think so how can it work?" But it does...and now Im just rambling and making no sense.
Why wont somebody come along and click instantly with me, and he'll be my Ill-Do-Anything-For-You Romeo dude and Ill be his Ill-Die-Because-You-Did Juliet.
Melody.
Ditto for a boyfriend. Im rather lonely sometimes and I would desperately like someone to be there for and who will be there for me - as well as the sexual perks and constant affection and the thrill of recieving a text message out of the blue saying, I love you and youre so special to me. I really miss that. People think I miss a certain person but its not the pieces of shit Ive dated I want back, its the feeling of being totally in love in someone and knowing theyre totally in love with you. Like, I see Charlene all over Matt and the way her face lights up when her phone goes off, and it goes off constantly, I just think "What I wouldnt do to be that happy." But I meet people and I go, no, I dont have a connection with this person. With Shane and Chris, I knew instantly that I liked them, that Id give them a shot and it went from there. Nobody seems to measure up, and I dont want to waste my time on the random 3-week relationships Im prone to before I realise I really dont like this person and just crave the attention (yeah, the attention they dont bother to give me anyway).
I feel really bad about not wanting Shane because I know how it is when you love someone so much and they cant feel for you, and it hurts like all shit. I hate seeing him with his puppy eyes and going, dude, I so wish I could love you like I used to - we were happy together - but I moved on and I dont feel I can go back. I just want someone...but it cant just be anyone. I dont feel my expectations are too high. Its not like I have a long list of specific qualities and they have to meet every one. My list says, breathing, loves me, is funny and not a scab.
I dont know much about love anymore. Everytime I think Ive got it, something happens to completely throw my view and I go, "That contradicts everything I think so how can it work?" But it does...and now Im just rambling and making no sense.
Why wont somebody come along and click instantly with me, and he'll be my Ill-Do-Anything-For-You Romeo dude and Ill be his Ill-Die-Because-You-Did Juliet.
Melody.