(no subject)
well im very depressed right now & i have no idea why i deffinitly am not liking this feeling. like last night my mom asked me if i wanted to go to marshells with her and i was like oh sure. and she was like okay so me, my sister and her went to marshells but i was in the worst mood ever. like if finally hit me how bad jay was treating me and i was about to cry the whole time . i held it back for about 2 and a half hours. i feel like a fucking fag because im complaining about it so much. but its hard not to. i mean what the fuck. like he just wants to be friends with benefits but thats nothing. i mean what the fuck. i want a REAL relationship. im so sick of like 2 week relationships then you break up and never talk again. i want to be with someone for a long time. i just dont even know what to say anymore. this is making me feel like shit. i mean when we went to marshells my mom was going to BUYYY stuff for me but i refused to take anything because i said it would all make me look like a fag or i would look fat or whatever. i fucking hate myself. and seriously before when i said this stuff i didnt mean it as much but... now i do. like i hate my self so fucking much. i hate waking up in the morning and looking at my face. & i hate my body . & i hate my acne and god . I JUST HATE MYSELFFFF. and the fact that me and jay are whatever the fuck we are isnt making anything better.
i just dont even know what to say anymore. i always feel like crying . i hate life.
i just dont even know what to say anymore. i always feel like crying . i hate life.